Caleb's Award

If you read one of my prior posts, Moments of Celebrating, you know about the karate tournament we attended recently. Reagan took Caleb out last night and gave him his award.....

Seasons of Parenting

The season of fall is coming near.  The air becomes crisp and cool and new, brillant colors begin to dot our landscape.  I become inspired during this time of year to bake, decorate and focus more on our family.  I love fall- there is just something about this time of year that stirs my soul.

Our oldest son is entering the fall of his time with us.  He is growing maturing and nearing the age when he will be on his own.  His perspectives and thoughts are as refreshing as the crisp, cool air outside and his dreams are as beautiful as the rainbow of colors on the horizon.  He, too, inspires me to make the most of our time together as I realize just how fleeting the moments are that we have left as a complete and whole family. 

Recently, he asked if he could go and visit with some of the kids on our street as he has been burdened and praying for them.  I felt such a since of pride at this young man who truly has a calling to minister and share God's truth with others.  I also felt shame at my immediate fears- what will their parents' think?  Why can't I be that bold in sharing my faith?

To be honest, this summer has been rough for Caleb.  He is struggling to find his place as he wants to be a teenager but also still longs for childhood.  He wants to fit in with his world, but this is quite a challenge as he is incredibly small for his age.  We have prayed, talked and cried with him and for him many times this summer.  I know just this is just part of the journey- just as the fall leaves must go through hard seasons to develop the most brilliant colors.

I am learning and growing in this area of parenting. I want to savor all the different seasons with each of my sons realizing that the seasons change so quickly.

He's Home!!

Caleb returned home last night from his mission trip!  We were so excited to have him home as well as being able to hear about all God did in the past week.  He had many stories to tell - some just funny and some touching.  Everything from how he set up his bed on a couple of chairs and how much fun he had during some of their breaks.  He talked of being sad for a girl he ministered to this week that seemed to want Christ and yet pulled back.  He said, " Mom, I talked with her, but knew only the Holy Spirit could help her accept Christ- I couldn't force it."  He talked of spending time on his knees at the alter praying and of the worship that was so much of an encouragement.  He wants to go next year-it will be out of state next year.  A part of me wants to peek inside that heart of his and see what did he learn... what changed in him.... I think, in time, he will share more, but sometimes you just need to draw those times with the Father into your heart and savor them.

Many times as a mother, I question whether we are doing the right thing.  There are countless pitfalls to avoid and it is a hard challenge to find balance in all that we face in this world.  Teaching and training in the values we hold priceless and picking battles to win or compromise- ugh, I have said this before, but parenting is not for the weak!  This week, gave a brief glimpse of the man Caleb may become, and it blessed me.  All I can pray and hope for is for God to continue the work He has started in Caleb and protect him from the evil one who would do all he could to deter any of God's children.

On a humerous and awesome moment- every time this week that I would blog or pray for my son, the song "God of this City" would play on my Pandora iPhone app.  It was though God planned that song for Caleb this week and it so perfectly captures the heart of the mission trip that he went on.  I have to share that song again for you to enjoy.  There are no accidents.  God used that song repeatedly to say this is what this week is about- it even played while I typed this blog!

Have a blessed weekend and thank you for your prayers this week!  There were 130 lives changed this week and you were a part of that by your prayers!  Let us rejoice together!!

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him."
Phillipians 2:13 NLT

Taking Steps into Manhood

As a mother, one of the moments in my child's life that I really did not want to miss was when they took their first steps.  There is just something about seeing them build up enough courage- despite possibly falling to try and take those first steps to the waiting arms of security.  I wanted to witness those moments for myself.  To savor them knowing that the whole world had changed in those brief seconds... they were mobile!

I had a similar experience, as a mother, this weekend with Caleb, our 12 year old.  I have long seen that God has gifted Caleb as a teacher who is not afraid to share his faith with others.  It comes naturally to him.  Do not think that he has a halo under his sweat-stained Texas Tech cap- he is a regular boy that is disciplined and corrected by us often.  I have just seen that God has gifted him by the way Caleb expresses his faith and have often wondered what God has in store for him.  So, this first mission trip has been the "first steps" of his faith becoming his own- not something that we, as his parents, had for him.  Caleb, in a sense is taking ownership of his faith realizing that it is his faith not the faith of his parents.  My mother's heart has wanted to be a fly on the wall of this experience for him... to watch and witness it- can you relate?

On Sunday, as parents we were invited to two services that they were having for the LIT missionaries.  In the morning, was just a worship service for the host church and the evening was a commissioning service.  A commissioning service is a time when a group is prayed for and encouraged as they leave to go into the area of service that God has called them to do.  Due to commitments and issues that needed tending to at church, we made the decision to try and go that evening for the commissioning service.  I was so excited that evening to be a part of that experience for Caleb.  That evening, Kendall - who had not been feeling well- began to fuss and was unusually unhappy.  I ended up in the hallways of the church walking him and trying to comfort him.  Later, I was sad to have been there and yet not right beside Caleb for that service. 

Caleb sharing his faith on the mission trip.  (Thanks to Derek Peters for the photo.)

Later, as I reflected on this and God just really spoke to my heart that I wasn't suppose to be right there beside Caleb..... what?  Why, God?  My mother's heart wanted that moment.  God helped me to see it wasn't a moment for me.  Caleb and I are close- we find it easy to talk and share.  I can easily relate to him and he easily relates to me.  He, however, is growing into manhood.  He needs to draw closer to his father and it was his father that needed to be sitting beside him on Sunday.  Caleb, as he took those first steps of his faith, needed to see his father encouraging and supporting him.  This is by God's design- it is not that my role as his mother isn't important- heavens no!  It is just that as Caleb takes some of these steps leading into manhood, he needs his father there to teach him how to be a man of courage who loves the Lord.  I cannot teach him something that I am not.  We will always be close, but many and numerous are the moments ahead in his future that are not designed for my influence, but that of his father.  I suspect that the same is true for mothers training their daughters in the ways of godly womanhood. 

"For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just..."  Genesis 18:19 NIV

Rather than have regret or sadness over missing part of that service, I feel peace.  That was not a moment for me- my moment was comforting the precious third son God has given me.  Cherishing it, soaking in those fleeting seconds as he grows and needs me less and less.  As a mother of sons, I am realizing that raising  sons is an ongoing lesson in letting go- it is not that our relationship won't be loving and important- but as men, they will seek after their earthly father and their heavenly Father more, as it should be.  Men need men as they grow and learn.  I pray that God brings them a godly woman to fill the role I have had in their life as their caretaker and friend.  It is not an easy process, but a noble one.  There is no greater love than giving the subject of your love the freedom to choose their path.   Just look at the love the Father as showered on us- sacrificing all for us (in His Son) and yet loving us enough to give us the choice of whom we will serve. 

Just like when Caleb stood for the first time, and took those first feeble steps into mobility.... Caleb is taking those first few steps into godly manhood.  It is beautiful and painful all at the same time.   His whole world is changing... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Prayers for Caleb and Matthew

Today, our son Caleb and his good friend, Matthew Schuman, are leaving for their first mission trip.  I shared my heart with you on Thursday about this adventure and asked many of you to consider praying for them as well as our Children's Minister, Derek Peters.  Here is a prayer list for them and please join in and ask others to pray with you! 

Saturday, June 23:  Please pray for them to feel your peace and joy today as they make final preparations and leave this evening.  Pray that they will feel welcome and comfortable in their new "home" for the week.


Sunday, June 24:  Please pray for them to have a wonderful time praising God in worship this morning.  Pray that God would help them focus on Him rather than any distractions that might divide their attention today and this week.


Monday, June 25:  Please pray for them as they carry out their duties and responsibilities- that they would feel and see God blessing them and enabling them to do their very best today and this week.


Tuesday, June 26:  Please pray for the children that will hear God's message to them this week and that they would accept Jesus as their Savior and Lord.  Pray that Caleb and Matthew will have opportunities to share their heart with others who are searching for answers.... give them the right words, Lord!


Wednesday, June 27:  Please pray for strength and energy for the weary who are tired and ready to go home...Lord,  help them have courage and face the day with joy and peace.


Thursday, June 28: Please pray for open ears to hear what God wants to teach the leaders and the kids being taught this week... give the pre-teens who are leading a spriritual marker in their spriritual lives and that they will not be the same but be shaped more in the "mold" of Christ.


Friday, June 29:  Please pray for focus on this last day of the trip.  While joyful over a blessed week, please God help them finish the race strong and accomplish what you still have for them to do today. 

Thank you for praying and being a blessing to our families as well as countless others!

Prayers at the feet of Caleb

I have to admit that this morning it was very difficult to get out of bed.  I am tired.  We have been so busy with family and church events in the past week with Kid Power Camp every night and while I absolutely LOVE working with the kids and seeing them learn, I am tired today.  So, I poured a cup of coffee and nestled in my comfy chair and opened the book of life - ready and expecting some fresh life-giving insight to fill me and help me walk through this day.  Praise music from Pandora on my phone and I read and prayed.

I felt a pull to pray over Caleb.  Caleb, our oldest, is going on his first mission trip this next week.  He had to meet several requirements through our church over the past semester to be eligible to attend and has been meeting with the children's pastor over the past week for additional training.  He will be teaching other kids about Christ at various locations over the metroplex where the kids can come and play games, sing songs, make crafts and hear about God.  Over the past week, I have found Caleb's teaching book in bed with him several times where he fell asleep studying and preparing himself for this next week.  He told me last night that he was sad that he didn't have training today- this work and preparation is a joy to him.  He loves sharing and teaching about Christ.... and this morning God told me to pray over him.

I called him to my room and had him sit in my comfy chair.  I knelt at his feet and began to pray for him, for his leaders, and for the children he will teach.  As I prayed, the song, "God of this City", began to play on the Pandora station.  Suddenly, tears flowed and I wept- not tears of sadness, but of joy.  He couldn't understand the tears.... "I will be fine Mom.  I am ready- I have studied.  Pastor Derek will be there," he said. 

How could he understand the inner workings of this mother's heart?  While we struggle through this journey of parenting, at times, seeing my child so eager to go and serve his King, his Savior, his Lord poured out emotions that I still struggle to explain.  I admire Caleb for his bravery to leave us this next week to go and give of himself at such a young, tender age when sometimes I struggle to walk across the street.  I admire his passion and conviction- he is not perfect- sometimes he drives us nuts!  However, when he talks about God, there is a fire, passion and an articulation that is from the Father.... He truly loves God.  He, like most of us, is just struggling to walk out his faith each day.  How could I explain in words the emotions pouring forth from my heart while sitting at my son's feet?  "I am just proud of you, Caleb.  So very proud of you," I whispered.  We hugged and he walked out with a faint smile on his lips.  I am not a perfect mother- I fail countless times a day and I grow tired and weary in the process.... but, if each of my sons chooses to live a life serving Christ and honor Him with their lifestyle, I will have been successful. 

I knelt to pray at Caleb's feet to bless him, but I received a blessing in abundance.   I have found energy and renewal through God giving me a glimpse of why I am here as a mother.... I am here to share HIM with them.... to water and nurture that growth in their hearts and minds.  I may be the mother of world changers- that would be my prayer- this I do know, they have already changed my world, my perspective of God and how He views me.  Thank you God, that sometimes our children can be our teachers.... even when unaware of the lesson! 

I hope to share a prayer list for Caleb and his friend, Matthew, as they are away serving next week.  Would you consider joining me as I pray for them daily?  Thanks!

Happy Birthday Caleb!

Twelve years ago today, Caleb Wilson Boles, entered into our lives.  His birth was somewhat challenging, and I have come to realize that reflects some of his character.  He questions because he wants understanding.  He challenges because he is passionate.  He fights because he is a survivor.  He has survived severe acid reflux which threatened his growth, and he has battled epilepsy for 8 years now and has done it with fierce courage.  Life for Caleb hasn't always been easy, but it has been full- full of love, full of adventure, and full of laughter.

I always wanted to be a mother, and Caleb's birth was the realization of that dream.  On the night of his birth, I held him close and whispered in his ear, " I love you.  We will figure this out together."   We have learned quite a lot together and God has taught me so much about His character through the eyes of parenthood.  My mother's heart has learned about genuine sacrifice and selfless love.  I have learned about limitations on what I can honestly do in a day and realizing what really matters at the end of the day.  My heart has grown in size to accommodate each and every triumph and trial. 

I love Caleb for his humor and love of all things science.  I love they way he always wants to figure things out and how he is developing his own style- including the sweat -stained Texas Tech cap that drives his dad nuts!  I love how creative he is in building legos and making up games using sticks and rocks.  He amazes me, at times, with his spiritual insights and questions.  I know God has an incredible plan for his life and I look forward to all that will entail.

Thank you, Caleb, for the joy you bring in our lives- I love you!  Happy 12th Birthday Son!!

Run Cricket Run!

Caleb has always loved bugs and studying them.  He is the typical boy that you might find crickets, lizards, and yes- even snakes- in his possession.   One Sunday we were in the middle of church when Caleb needed to go to the restroom.  When he returned, he was a little wiggly, and when I investigated more, he admitted that he had some live crickets in his pocket! ugh!  I promise, I can't even make this stuff up!

So, one time on a trip to one of our local dollar stores, I found a bug collecting kit that came with a plastic bug holder with a built in magnifying glass.  It also came with tweezers and a cool strap so you could "wear" your bug kit.  Now, for a boy that loves bugs, that IS the coolest gift and it was only a $1!!! (Score me!)

He loved that kit and wore it out, but I began to notice a disturbing trend.  He would often collect several bugs and study them for a day or two (or four) and forget that they needed to be released in order to survive.  Now, I do NOT like bugs, but even I started feeling bad for them- so much so that I began releasing the creatures whenever Caleb would go to bed.  During one such time, Caleb had caught a cricket and I tried to get the cricket out of the bug kit, but it would not come out.  After several attempts, (and much squealing on my part) I finally opened the door to the bug kit and left it where the cricket could escape.  Sadly, the cricket was still backed into the corner of the clear container the next morning.  It died soon afterward.

I was stricken with the thought, "Why hadn't it escaped?  Freedom was just outside the open door?"  Isn't this like us, though?  We want the freedom to live how we want, to do whatever we want, to get whatever we want, and yet only in Christ is there true freedom.  So, we back ourselves into the corner of our comfortable lives and just wait for whatever comes next.

Before Christ, we are just living looking out for ourselves- we don't know to do anything different- but, living for ourselves just doesn't satisfy.  It may feel good for a time, but you come to a point when it becomes meaningless.... pointless.  This is because we were created to praise and glorify our Maker and our Savior and living a life without Christ is exactly that.... meaningless....pointless.  It may seem that living a life for Christ is about rules and restrictions, but that is just a lie from the evil one- it is freedom!  Freedom from sins, freedom from heartache, freedom from unforgiveness, freedom from loneliness,  and freedom from bondage because One loved you so much to give His all for you.  Only Christ did that for me- how can I not love Him?

Living in this world is hard and I couldn't make it if I didn't have Christ- He has saved me and He saves me daily from so much.  For those of us that are in Christ, we often choose to hang on to things from our "old self" days- guilt, addictions, unhealthy relationships.... We have freedom, but we cling on to the past due to fear--- fear of change, fear of the unknown, and even fear of God truly using us to change the world (remember Moses?).    Please know that you are not alone- remember in Christ you have all resources available to you by God through the Holy Spirit and He desires that you just trust and follow Him.  Isaiah 41:13 says, "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." (NIV)  In the Message version it says, "Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.  I'm telling you, 'Don't panic.  I'm right here to help you.'"

God wants to offer you freedom from your sins, pasts, regrets and offer you a beautiful, rich life.  Don't hesitate, but run to the open door of freedom He offers and know that you will never be alone again.  He is right there making that first step with you- taste and breathe in your soul that sweet life-giving freedom!

Grace for Today

Last night, as I sat watching a 9/11 special, I heard an all too familiar sound coming from Caleb's room. Immediately, my heart sunk as I walked in to find him in the midst of a seizure. Having dealt with his Epilepsy for several years now, I have the head knowledge to know what to do for him physically..... place him in a safe space, time it, watch to make sure he can still breathe and not sufficate or choke as vomiting is inevitable.....

But, will I ever not be shaken emotionally?

My heart still isn't used to seeing my precious son's body shaking violently and not being able to stop it. To see his eyes look black and lifeless and know that he isn't "there," and watching him suffer for hours afterwards due to a migraine-like headache.

After each episode, Reagan and I find ourselves hoping and questioning Caleb's future..... Will he be able to drive? Will he be able to function and work to provide for himself? Will he marry? In the past, our hope that he would out-grow this condition and be able to make it without medication would encourage us, but not lately. Our hope is fading for that all-inclusive-no-strings-attached miracle. He may always require medication in order to control this condition.

Today, God spoke to my grieving heart and reassured me that whatever He has planned for Caleb will include his Epilepsy. God designed every detail of my son and this condition did not "slip past" God. He planned this for Caleb. He is not flawed or broken. He is designed by the most loving, caring creator and this condition will not prevent Caleb from experiencing anything God has for him to do or accomplish. This will make him stronger. I think it is making our family stronger. The real miracle here may not be in the healing of this ailment, but in our thriving despite it. There are still many questions, and I cannot answer them at this point. However, I know that God loves Caleb and has his best interest at heart and that is enough to get through today, tomorrow and the numerous days ahead.

So, I praise Him for the adventure that still is to come and for the grace I need today.

An Incredible Journey

Yesterday was a very big day around here as Caleb Wilson Boles turned ten years old yesterday. We hit double digits!?!? How did time go by so fast??? All day yesterday I waited for that moment to hit me- you know the moment -when the reality of my "baby" growing up suddenly hits me and I become a basket of tears. It didn't come. Then, today as I was looking for some pictures for this blog, it hit me.

So, humor this mom and take a quick journey back through the events of ten years ago with me...

I was a nervous wreck the morning of May 31, 2000 just knowing that in a few hours my total world was going to change. My pregnancy had been relatively uneventful and I couldn't wait to meet the little man growing inside my big belly... and I mean BIG BELLY! I was huge!

Sadly, my labor would turn out to be a little more exciting. I was induced due to swelling and being past my due date and as soon as my doctor broke my water I was calling for an epidural! Unfortunately, the anesthesiologist that worked in Labor and Delivery, at the small hospital where we delivered, was on vacation and his "sub" was not interested in helping a pregnant woman in labor. So, he never came and I did not get the benefit of a pain free delivery. Thankfully, God granted me mercy and I went from a 6 to a 10 within thirty minutes!

As I began pushing, a fire alarm went off throughout the hospital, and both the nurses who were assisting the doctor looked at each other in confusion and one ran out of the room to check on the alarm. At this point, I informed the remaining nurse that I would not stop pushing- even if I had to leave the building because of the alarm.... he could come in the parking lot, right? Finally, the other nurse returned having heard that the alarm was a drill- PTL!!! Then, as I continued pushing, the doctor realized that Caleb was coming out with his arm up beside his head- So I was trying to push out a head, hand and shoulder all at once. This is not good as it can be very concerning for the baby, but I was able to deliver him and he was just fine. Reagan (who had been an incredible support throughout the delivery) and I cried as we heard Caleb's first cries and knew that he was finally here.

Later, that night as I cuddled him close, I told him to be patient with me as I was a "new mommy", but that I would be the best mother to him that I could be. The past ten years haven't been perfect, but I feel incredibly blessed to have such a good kid as my son- especially one who has such a passion for the Lord. Truthfully, I learned how to be a parent with Caleb and each year he gives me more opportunities for growing and improving as we face different challenges from year to year. I hope to share some of these lessons tomorrow.....

Thanks, Caleb, for starting me on a most incredible journey- I love you!

(Side note: Can you believe how similar Caleb and Kendall look as babies???)