When We Have a God-Sized Need

Have you ever had a need so great,... but.... you couldn't meet it?  How did you feel?.... Angry?... Frustrated?.... Heartbroken?....

What did you find solace in- your ability?  your confidence?  your family?  your money?  your food?  your children?  your degree?  your next drink?   some pills?

This morning each of my boys had a need that he could not meet.  Kendall needed a diaper change (Bad Momma, I know) and he laid on the floor with a diaper next to him, but couldn't change himself.  Carson wanted to watch a movie after completing his morning responsibilities and couldn't get the DVD player to work.  Caleb needed some of his medication, but we had run out and are preparing to go get it.  These needs are an inconvenience, but what about more devastating needs.....job loss, life threatening disease, loss of a spouse, loss of a child, or a divorce...

What do you do in the midst of those needs- where do you turn?  On January 5, 2009, Reagan called me to let me know that he had been laid off and I slowly felt all security fall out from under me.  How would we pay the bills?  How would we get Caleb's much needed (and very expensive) medication?  How will we survive?  That night, in the midst of deep, desperate tears I sang praise songs.  I didn't know what would happen the next day, week, month, but I did know my Lord would be there through it all.  I don't want you to think the journey was pretty- I cried countless desperate tears.  I got angry at God (whoa- what?), and I was crushed when doors closed.... and then, quietly, I would get up... and in a broken whisper, I would start to praise Him in songs, prayers, and testimony.  Each day, God made me stronger.

Reagan didn't get a job the next day, week, month.... it took four months- FOUR months.  At the end of that journey, we had not touched our savings account and God had provided for all our needs (needs- not necessarily wants).  We always had food to eat, and our bills were always met- God used other believers, odd jobs, and the like to do it, but we walked through the fire of that trial and came out changed-better-stronger.

Maybe you have a huge need right now and you are desperate for resolution.  Remember no matter how great the need, we have a greater God.  He will answer you and bring resolution, but it will be in His timing.  Reagan didn't get the first job he interviewed for, or the second, or the third... but, God taught us and grew us in ways that we couldn't have appreciated had the end come sooner.  I know the deep pain of longing and clinging to the hope within us with all your remaining strength.  Take heart- God will not fail you.  He will not make you wait one second longer than necessary.  The joy you will find when at the concluding moments of this trial will be indescribable!

" You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."  Phillipians 4:19 MSG

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  He who goes out weeping, carrying seeds to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."  Psalms 126:5,6  NIV

"My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."   Psalm 73:26 NLT

My friend, cry if you need to cry...release the anger, hurt and disappointment and then rise and praise Him- if only a whisper- praise Him.  Victory is coming and He has great plans for you, lean on the only strength that can save you! 

For My Boys....

From the moment I took the test and saw two distinct lines...

I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment the first waves of nausea hit and I was so sick for hours on end....

I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment we first saw your little heart beating on the computer screen at our first sonogram..... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment we heard the technician say, "It's a boy!".....  I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment the heartburn was so bad and I was eating mints constantly.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment I was not sleeping each night due to be so uncomfortable with the end of the pregnancy.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment the labor started and the pain was so intense.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment we first saw you and our eyes cried happy tears.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment your cries for food, sleep, pain and discomfort kept me from a decent night's slumber.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first smiled at us.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment my ears first heard you babble random sounds.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first reached out for me to hold you... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first wrapped your arms around my neck and squeezed me tight.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you took your first steps and we were waiting to catch you.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first ran from me and I had to catch you...
I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first got angry at me and said words that broke my heart... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first apologized and ran to me in guilt... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment when I first had to let you fail and it about killed me.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment when I first had to let you fly solo on an adventure without me... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment I was afraid I had lost you and I was scared out of my mind... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment I witnessed you become a child of God and there was so much joy that I thought my heart would burst.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment when I first caught a glimpse of the man you will be... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

I know we all have many more moments ahead of us, but God has brought us so far already and I just wanted you to know....

I love you and I am so thankful to be your mother!

These are the moments.....

These are the moments that happen every morning.... that I am so thankful for.

These are the faces that make me smile, laugh, and drive me crazy.

And I wouldn't change a thing....

I love you Caleb, Carson and Kendall.

A meal out....

Last Thursday, we made plans to meet Reagan for dinner since we had several commitments that evening and Mom really didn't want to come home and prepare dinner at 8 o'clock in the evening. After many suggestions, we decided to eat at Chick-Fil-A (which is one of our favorite restaurants). Our meal was good and conversation was full of fun, honest banter. Later, as we were leaving, I drove past a nice, sit down restaurant full of couples and families enjoying their meals and a small part of me wished for a time when we would eat at places that didn't have a playground for the kids. You know those kind of places where you sit down at a table to place your order rather than stand in a line at a counter???


Don't get me wrong, we do eat at those kind of places, but it isn't very often. Why is that? Well, part of the reason is that we now have two growing boys that eat A LOT and it is cheaper to feed them at fast food establishments. Another part of the reason is that fast food restaurants are more accommodating, at times, to families and their needs-an indoor playground is such a treat especially in this hot Texas heat. I also figure that if you are eating at Wendy's, McDonalds, CFA, and etc... you are not planning to have a nice, quiet, romantic dinner- in fact, if you eat at these places you expect a certain amount of chaos and noise.


This is what I realized.... this is my life right now. (Isn't that a deep, complicated thought for your day?!?!) This time of my life full of hungry boys which is often a little chaotic and loud is fleeting. It will not last. There will be a time when the house stays clean, laundry doesn't pile up in mounds, and I will cook for two instead of an army. I will enjoy that time, but it will have shades of sadness because it will mean that my boys have grown and are living individual lives. I am choosing to appreciate the noise of my boys playing in the next room and cooking for an army as well as laundry that seems to never end. I am choosing to cherish this time of my life knowing that it will change all too quickly. Quiet, sit down dinners (with just Reagan) will come and our montage of fast food establishments may fade........ truthfully, I may need another CFA sandwich just to watch a young mother with her precious crew.... and let the memories flood me of my own chaotic season of life- the part of my life that I am living now.

Baking Cookies

YUMMO!!!!

Music to My Ears

Caleb and Carson have spent the past ten days visiting grandparents and attending VBS at each of their churches. We drove to Kerrville last Friday to attend a family wedding as well as pick up the boys and take them to Dublin to start the second VBS. As we made the drive to Dublin, Carson wanted to listen to the VBS music cd and he sang every song- word for word! He loves music and it is one of his passions- in fact, not a day goes by that he doesn't sing or "play" his own music. He cracks us up with some of his original songs! They are often about doing his chores, playing with his brothers, and just his life in general, but they all come from a natural, genuine talent. Hearing him sing and share his heart is music to my ears....

However, I have realized that music takes many forms. When Caleb shares his creative, original stories or tells one of his corny jokes; it, too, is music to my ears. When Kendall coos, "talks" or laughs I hear a symphony in my heart. I cherish each of their "songs" equally....I guess music can come in many different forms.....

Wordless Wednesday

A little something in common.....

My three boys are as different as can be.....

Caleb is our people loving, science and history buff. He loves karate and making up stories. He is very passionate and seems to have deep insight into our Lord.

Carson is our car loving, athletic child. I think he will be good at any sport he tries and he loves to laugh. He will always tell you what is on his mind! His goal is to own a Corvette at some point in his life.

Kendall is our happy, content little man. He only fusses when he is hungry and he loves for someone to talk to him.

But, the all three have something in common....... these baseball shoes.

Ten years ago, a friend gave them to us as a gift for our soon coming baby. Caleb was the first to wear them, and Carson followed 5 1/2 years later. Even when I thought we were finished having children, I couldn't give these shoes away. Thankfully, I kept them because Kendall has also been able to wear them.

It is hard to believe that they all started that small and tiny.... especially when I have a pre-teen in the house now. Memories flood my thoughts each time I look at these shoes. Three little boys with three different personalities and one blessed mother.

Sidewalk Chalk

A day last week, Caleb and Carson went outside and decorated our back patio with some new sidewalk chalk that they had been given when Kendall was born. Several designs were so creative that they could not be defined or described. However, Carson did create a self-portrait which I decided to take a photo of. Reagan was not as thrilled with their colorful creations as I was; although, I can't imagine why?!? I think he was wondering who would be cleaning up this incredible artwork.... I reassured him that rain would come soon and do the job for him!

Well, last night it happened... the rains came and washed away all their beautiful art pieces- job done!

However, it hit me this morning how symbolic that is to the fleeting time I have with my boys. Right now we are building memories with each of them, but time is so quick to rob those memories from us. So easily the "rains come" and wash them from our minds. That is partly why I am writing this blog as a way of setting these memories in "stone" and creating a family heritage to look back on long after the chalk dust settles.

"Blue Me Away'

Recently, I went to Target with all three boys to get some formula for Kendall. As we were heading towards the checkout, the boys and I stopped at a nail polish display. All the polishes in this display were very bright colors.

Now, those of you who know me well know that I love nail polish. However, I don't tend to pick wild colors- I am more of a pink and red kind of gal. As we looked over all the bright colors, the boys determined that mom needed at least one of these wild shades for my toes. So after much discussion, we determined that the "Blue Me Away" turquoise blue shade would be our purchase.

So, why is this worth a blog entry? As a mother to all boys, sometimes I begin to feel a little left out. They all love me and we have a lot of fun together, but overwhelmingly the interests in the house tend to be more about hunting, cars, and any sport imaginable. I normally just join in, but it is so refreshing when, on rare moments, they take interest in something I enjoy.

I know that it is only finger polish, but it meant so much more to me at the time. It was a time of connecting with my sons ... in a more personal way as they were willing to venture in the cosmetic section to pick the right shade for mom. They were so excited about it too! I couldn't paint my toes until they had gone to bed, but the very next morning it was the first thing they noticed.

So, I have been sportin' the blue..... and I wouldn't have it any other way.