A Young Girl

A precious, bright-eyed eight year old girl with chestnut brown hair sat quietly towards the back of the small white framed country church.  Her childhood had been good as it was filled with loving Christian parents and an adventurous baby brother.  She often witnessed her parents living the faith that they professed as much as they discussed it in their home.  The love they shared was special.... rare. 

That night, in the white framed church, the girl was a guest visiting for a revival meeting that was taking place.  The speaker spoke in a heavy Scottish dialect and the girl was enchanted by the musical tones and reflections.  It sounded like music to her ears.  Slowly through the message that was a tug- pull-strange feeling stirring inside her.... it felt so much deeper than she could describe.  A sadness, a realization of just how ugly many of her actions, words, and thoughts have been.  As the invitation song began to play, her fingers clung tightly to the back of the pew in front of her.  Everything in her wanted to run-- run to the front of that small church and cry for relief from the internal battle waging inside her.  Fear arose.  She didn't know these faces and what would her mother and father think?  She clung tight to the pew lest she lose her resolve. 

As the service concluded, she wanted to leave as quickly as possible to get home and ask her mother about the unexpected heartache within.  Silence in anxious thoughts filled the short drive home and as she prepared for bed.  Finally, as she couldn't contain the questions any longer, she met her mother in the kitchen saying, "I think God is speaking to my heart...."  and tears fell from both sets of eyes.  The mother spent a great deal of time that evening speaking the words of salvation to her precious daughter.  The next night with both her parents beside her the young girl she spoke of her sinful will to the Savior and asked Him to take over her life and give her a new purpose and meaning.  He did.

Years passed as the girl matured and grew- physically and spiritually.  She entered college and new opportunities presented themselves.  Was her faith something she wanted to carry into adulthood?  She saw her parents adult faith- was that what she wanted?  Influences abounded pulling her to question, but in the end she fell at the feet of her Savior.  She fell in love with Him- passionately in love with the one who had died for her and she has carried no regrets.  His love has carried her through countless trials, fears, failures, and challenges.  His love has taught her to love.  His love has transformed her view of the world, her values, her longings, and her hopes. 

The relationship that started when she was a child that grew into an all encompassing devotion in college has transformed this life..... my life.  You see, I can't help but cry out about what God has done for me!  This is my story, but what about yours?  How did God capture your heart?  My friend, sometimes we just need to remember where we were to see most clearly where we are. 

Jordyn Wieber: What Should Have Been

Oh, how I love the Olympics.  I love the competition and witnessing humans doing seemingly unhuman tasks.  I love the pageantry and beauty of it all.  I love how the world seems to come together for several days all watching the same event and getting to know other cultures and nations.  Mostly, I love the people- their faces, their stories and witnessing them experience emotions that have been building inside for months or years.  Dreams accomplished- dreams dashed.

Last night, I like many of you was watching the woman's gymnastics for the Olympics.  I watched as the full reality of Jordyn Wieber's dashed dreams hit her square in the face in front of the world.  When she bowed her head and began to weep, I wept with her.  Her broken heart took residence in my chest and I hurt.  This momma wanted nothing more than to go to her and give her some much needed comfort.  I can only imagine what her mother experienced.... after all she had witnessed the countless practices, blood, sweat, and tears that were part of the journey leading to "what should have been".

I think I was so drawn to Jordyn because I have felt loss and my dreams were dashed.  When what should have been becomes what may never be.  When I witness her tears, I think back to those moments in my life.   Her pain and loss is real and it was for me too. I have been in places when it was so hard to see life going on in front of me when I felt the floor had fallen out from under my feet.  Such loss will change us- I don't think it is possible to go through such a deep personal grief and walk away the same.  I have distance from my heartbreaking moments to be able to reflect and look back- a changed perspective.  Those moments that brought the deepest pain, also ushered the deepest growth in my relationship with God.  The eyes that stung from crying countless tears saw things from the scriptures that I had been blinded from before.  The heart, broken in grief, found healing in the love of the Father.  The pride and self-sufficiency that sustained me before gave way to total dependence on the Father.  My dream and purpose faded into what His dream and purpose was for me.  In reflection, I am better because of the loss....

I read this quote from Beth Moore on Saturday and God kept it pricking at my heart, "With hands freshly loosed, we find liberty to embrace the one who never changes, and courage to release those who will."  Life is full of change: jobs aren't secure, relationships end, diseases happen, injustices occur and the "what should have beens" seem endless.  Life isn't easy and often isn't fair.  If we choose to cling to earthly things or individuals, we will be disappointed.  If we, however, run to the Father and embrace Him- clinging to Him with all strength- He will give you healing, peace, love and unspeakable joy again.  He takes your loss and gives you life.

"May our Lord Jesus Christ and God our Father, who loved us and in his good favor gave us everlasting comforts and good hope, comfort your hearts and give you strength in every good thing you do and say." 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 NLT

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world." John 16:33 NIV

"...Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders"  Deuteronomy 33:12 NIV

Friend, has the floor fallen out from under you?  Did Jordyn's tears hit close to home because of the loss you are walking through right now?  Take heart and cling to God.  He will carry you through this and give you the strength you need today to walk through the hurt.  Maybe, you remember that painful journey, but can reflect on all that God did for you through it.  If so, praise Him- He did a miracle in you and deserves your praise today.  We need not be bound by our past, but we must never forget to praise the Father for the works He did in freeing us from it.  Today, turn to Him and look for the life in the loss.

Burned Bread- Just Another Life Lesson

Okay, I have often teased my family that I have to be part Italian because I love Italian food!  Reagan took me to an Italian restaurant on our first date and that may have sealed the deal!!   Thankfully, all of the boys seem to have that same passion for marinara, alfredo, ricotta, pasta, and ......garlic bread.  I love garlic bread.

The problem is that lately, I have burned it.  Now, I may not be a chef in the making, but I am a pretty good cook.  I rarely have a meal that the family doesn't enjoy and fairly often friends request recipes from me.  So, it is pretty unusual for me to let something burn, but I think it has happened 3 times over the past couple of months.  So much so that Carson and Caleb have started to tease me about it.  I have become a proficient charcoal scraper to get the burn off the crusty delight. I have requested that they not bring it up at my funeral - maybe they will forget in time.

Last night we had a new pasta dish and ....(wait for it).... I did not burn the bread!  I was so excited!!!  It hit me later that I kept a closer watch on it this time.  In some of the previous attempts I had gotten distracted with the final meal preparations and just didn't keep an eye on the bread in the oven.  So, the bread began to resemble a piece of charcoal. 

You know I think we all have some areas in our life that we have to watch closely or we get burned.  Sometimes we are burned by others and sometimes it is because of our own decisions.  If we have a relationship that is difficult in our lives, we may have to set appropriate boundaries in that relationship in order to protect ourselves.  Beyond setting those boundaries, we have to watch the boundaries we have set to make sure that we are remaining true to them.  Sometimes, we get burned because we make decisions which are unhealthy and set ourselves up to fail.... we must stay alert to situations that are difficult for us to handle.  For example, I once had a single friend mention that she had learned to not go to certain places by herself as too often she would become depressed and would struggle with self-pity.  She learned that it was best to avoid certain "pitfall" situations in order to not get burned and lose her focus on what God had for her.  Another friend was going through a difficult financial period and decided for a short time to avoid unnecessary trips to the stores because seeing things that they could not purchase was upsetting.  In order to not get burned by a focus on worldly possessions, they had to watch themselves closely and make an effort to limit certain shopping trips. 
I know certain areas in my life that I have to keep a close watch on in order to protect myself from being burned.  It takes being focused, alert and on guard when dealing with those certain areas of struggle- just like the garlic bread. 

"Follow my advice, my son; always treasure my commands.  Obey my commands and live!  Guard my instructions as you guard your own eyes.  Tie them on your fingers as a reminder.  Write them deep within your heart."  Proverbs 7:1-3  NLT

As Christians, we are to be on guard and watch ourselves as well as to love wisdom and discernment.  As disappointing as burned garlic bread is to taste, being burned in life has far more lasting consequences and  painful ones at that.  So, keep your oven mitts on and watch the oven- don't burn the bread!

False Treasures

Not too long ago, our second son and his older brother were outside playing in the cooler evening night and came running into the house full of excitement and joy.  They had discovered priceless jewels that had been carelessly left in the middle of our street!  Who on earth would leave behind such precious jewels?  They were convinced that we were rich!  Upon further inspection, I discovered it was very brightly colored broken pieces of glass- thankfully, it was some sort of safety glass as there were not sharp edges to fear cuts.  I sadly gave them the news that it was not the treasure they had envisioned, but rather discarded garbage in a pretty package.  Disappointed, the older son discarded his treasure and went on playing.

Carson, our second son continued to cling to the bright, green pieces.... it was his treasure and he couldn't understand.  He kept those pieces and put them in his money jar which is a recycled spaghetti sauce jar.  Later, I questioned why he had kept those pieces of glass.  He expressed that it was better to hang on to the "trash jewels" than to not have anything in his money jar.  Even if it was fake treasure, it made his value seem great.

Last night, Carson's money jar spilled and I helped him pick up the pieces.  I carefully picked up each of the green glass pieces and put them back in his jar.... heartbroken as God spoke to my heart- How many times have I clung to false treasures because I just wanted something even if it wasn't real and true?  Oh Lord, forgive me!  We are so easily fooled by outside packages- shiny, attractive, and appealing.  Yet, most of the time those treasures are false- they do not last!  How many times have I kept something false- knowing it wasn't genuine- because I would rather cling to that than have nothing at all?  Oh, forgive me Father!

The only way to know what is real and of value is through wisdom learned in the scriptures with the Holy Spirit giving us discernment.  God, I want that wisdom to know and understand what is of true value for me, for my family.  Help me to seek after that knowledge each day so that I may be fully equipped for the moments that still lie at my feet.  Then, Father, give me the words to express and teach my children so that they, too, can discern what is real and true from what is false and temporary in this world.  Only by your grace can this be done and in your strength can I stand strong!  Help me Father to not cling to the broken glass of the evil one, but seek after real treasure that comes only from you!

" The LORD says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you."  Psalm 32:8 NLT

" If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."  James 1:5 NIV

"We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true.  And we are in him who is true-even in his Son Jesus Christ.  He is the true God and eternal life."  1John 5:20 NIV

Worship in Service

Note:  Thank you so much for your prayers for Matthew and Caleb!  Please keep it up- today, they are starting to minister at an apartment complex in Fort Worth which has 244 units.  All the LIT missionaries will be serving over 30 apartment complexes this week.  Both the boys will be teaching and leading the Bible study on certain days.

Have you ever had a day when you just had a stinky attitude?  Most of us have, and most of us don't want to admit it!  On Friday, I was tired... no, exhausted.  Our family attended and served at Kid Power Camp through our church.  This is very much like a VBS, but with less decorations and more focus on reaching out into the community and we even had two camps going this past week- one in Joshua and one in Burleson.  It was awesome to see the teamwork and organization that it took to pull off such a thing.  Our church really stepped up to reach out to the community we serve. 

Friday, however, I was worn out and my attitude was not what it should have been.  That is partly why I felt God leading me to give Him a praise sacrifice and worship Him when I may not have felt up to it that day.  Through some time of purposeful solitude over the weekend, God really blessed me as I pondered the service to others as worship of our Lord.  Most of us will readily admit that we need times of being fed and nurtured by Bible study and praise.  I see that we all need the one on one time of studying His word daily, times of discussion and accountability as we study God's word in a small group session, as well as the beautiful corporate worship of the Father together as a group of believers.  Each of these times is important and serves a vital need in our walk- if any of these is lacking, our walk is probably lacking as well.... or we are at least, not where we could be in our walk with Christ.  I have seen this in my own life- I need the opportunity to worship each morning, in my small group and as a large body of believers to really feel healthy, balanced, and prepared for the journey I am on. 

Then, I reflected on service.... this is harder for most of us.  I think the difficulty is in finding the balance in our service.  Some Christians are fed through their quiet times, fed through their small group, and fed through worship each Sunday and yet never serve.  This is so sad.... to have such wonderful knowledge and yet, never use it and give of ourselves to truly taste and see God in action.  I think service is where we really witness God working and using us to be a part of His work.  Others, can sometimes serve, serve, serve and yet, never take the time to be fed.  They are so busy giving of their time and energy, but are never still before God to be filled in order to serve.  Countless others of us are somewhere in between - lost in the mire of it all.

In my weakness on Friday, it was easy for me to lose sight of why I serve.  I got caught up in how much time I had given up at church this week and all that I still had to do for the weekend and my attitude was self-focused rather than God-focused.  God really convicted and reminded me that when I am teaching a class of two year olds, corraling the three year olds or rocking a baby- I am actually sharing Christ with them.  In the moments when I am loving, respecting, caring for them and telling them about God,  I am serving as the physical arms of God for that moment.  He is using me to bring comfort, joy, and knowledge to those precious children for that time and place.  I am also ministering to parents, who like me, need support to grow and learn in order to be the parents that God wants us to be.  It isn't work, it is worship and it is seeing God use me- this feeible fallible person- to be the feet, arms and words of my faith.  It is a privilege.... a special calling- not a dreaded task to complete.

I am not saying, however, that I need to serve in every ministry in the church.... absolutely not!  That is why we are the body of Christ so that others can serve in areas where I am not strong.  I am called to minister and serve with the preschool children- I truly love it.  There is no worship experience any greater to me than when I hear a two year old- yes, two year old, quote a scripture from memory.  I tear up even thinking about it... God's word living and breathing in a child so tender and young.  This is where I am called, but the preschool area is not for everyone!  I love my husband dearly, but serving with the preschool age kids is NOT where he is called.  He serves faithfully in the areas where he is called and finds such joy in it that when he has to miss his time of service- it grieves him. 

So, my friend, where are you today?  Are you serving in some area or just being fed continually?  If that is the case, please consider what God might be calling you to do- I promise that your faith will grow through the experience and you will be blessed!  If you are serving, are you taking the time to be fed?  You cannot continue to serve without being fed- you will wither and the service will not be a blessing in your life.  You can only serve as an outpouring of what you have been  fed by your relationship with God.  Also, are you finding joy in service?  Is it just a task to do and get done or is it your passion?  If you find no joy in where you are serving, then  perhaps, it isn't where you are called to serve.....  maybe God has something different for you. 

"For you, dear friends, have been called to live in freedom- not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love.  For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Galations 5: 13-14 NLT

"Don't just pretend that you love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong.  Stand on the side of the good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.  Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically."  Romans 12: 9-11 NLT

Our life is too short to miss out on the blessing of service in our walk or to be serving in a place that brings no joy.  God has given us freedom IN  HIM so that we can be used BY  HIM for a special calling- tailor made just for you - making you the hands and feet of our Lord with an eternal impact on the lives you touch.  Glory!

Thanksgiving Sacrifice

This morning I retreated to "the chair" where I can sit and seclude myself from the rest of the world to spend some time with my Savior.  This morning, of all mornings, I NEED Him- I need my cup filled so desperately before I face the ongoing needs that have already been clamoring for my attention.  The self-pity begins nagging and pulling at my heart to focus on me and my pride swells....... I need this time to be reminded that I am the daughter of a "Servant King".  The One who is my precious Lord and Savior because He sacrificed all for the sake of all sinners like me- forgive me Father when pride blinds me to your truth.  God directed me to the scriptures....

"What can I give back to God for the blessings he's poured out on me?  I'll lift high the cup of salvation-a toast to God!  I'll pray in the name of God; I'll complete what I promised God I'd do, and I'll do it together with his people.  When they arrive at the gates of death, God welcomes those who love him.  Oh, God, here I am, your servant, your faithful servant: set me free for your service!  I'm ready to offer the thanksgiving sacrifice and pray in the name of God.  I'll complete what I promised God I'd do, and I'll do it in the company with his people, In the place of worship, in God's house, in Jerusalem, God's city.  Hallelujah!"  Psalm 116: 12-19 MSG

In embarrassment, I admit that there are times when giving God the thanksgiving and praise He deserves is a sacrifice for me.  Times when my heart is questioning Him and unsure of what He is doing with me, with my life, with my loved ones and my heart wants understanding more than I want a stronger faith.  Have you been at that place, Friend?  There have been times when in tears of fear and hurt, I praised Him in song and thanksgiving- while barely a whisper- it was with all the strength I had within myself.  Why?  Just as our passage shares, when I think of all that God has done for me- how can I not praise Him?  How can I not trust Him?  The moment I begin to praise and thank Him, the stronghold the enemy had begins to ease and fade and my strength in God grows.  It is also in these moments that my heart and pride yields itself to my true Maker and I can yield my will to His becoming free.  Free to do what God has called me to do and to be His faithful servant.

God, in the quiet moments with you in "the chair,"  please help me to yield all to you and praise you- giving all I have to you even if it is barely a whisper... it is my sacrifice of thanksgiving to you, Father!

Rock Solid

As a mother of boys, one thing I am very familiar with is rocks.  Some of you are laughing because you totally understand what I am talking about!  My boys have always loved rocks- looking at them, throwing them, building with them, collecting them, and so forth.  We have painted rocks that they made while at the ranch recently and small polished rocks that they have purchased and dirty asphalt pieces that they thought looked like rocks!  I have learned to appreciate that my boys can distinguish which rocks are good for each task they might want to do.  For example, you need a large mostly-flat rock for painting, a small flat rock for skipping on water and varying sizes of rocks for building.  It amazes me that they can find such purpose in rocks!

This morning I read this scripture and it really made me think....
"And he said: 'The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; the God of my strength, in whom I will trust."  2 Samuel 22:2-3a NKJV
Rocks are hard, firm, durable, and lasting.  In times of trouble, doubt, fear, questioning, anxiety, and need I want to cling to something firm, durable, and lasting- I want to cling to something that is secure and stable.  I love that God is compared to a rock- but I don't think it is the kind of rock that my boys play with but rather a large mountain- mountains are just big rocks, right?

In times of need, cling to the ROCK... to the mountain of God - He is firm, unshakable and lasting.  He will be your fortress in times of need and deliver you.  He will be your strength when you have none and He is absolutely trustworthy.  Glory!  Catherine Marshall once said, " If your every human plan and calculation has miscarried, if, one by one, human props have been knocked out...take heart.  God is trying to get a message through to you, and the message is: 'Stop depending on inadequate human resources.  Let me handle the matter.'"    In other words, cling to the ROCK - God -who is solid, firm, steady and will make your steps sure.  Trust Him and look forward in hope at all He is capable of doing in you and through you.  Eventually, you will stand on that rock in victory praising Him for the resolution and restoration that only He can bring.  I don't know where you might be today... are you clinging to Him in need or standing on Him rejoicing?  Either way, I am thankful for His solid rock....

An Anchor for our Souls

             

This morning I read the scripture from Hebrews 6:18-19 which says, "So God has given us both his promise and his oath.  These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie.  Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence.  This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.  It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary." (NLT)

I have had to read it several times today as it is so descriptive and has so much encouragement for us who are in Christ.   First let your mind try to comprehend that God does NOT lie... that is a rare commodity in this world, huh?  His word and His promises are true- they do not fail us.  Has God always done everything I wanted?  No.  Has He failed me? No.  Often times, situations I have faced did not work out how I wanted them to, but often I reflect back with a broader perspective and understand why my preference wasn't really what was best for the situation.  Also, in those times of waiting, He grows me and stretches my faith through life lessons best taught by trial.  Knowing that God holds to His word and promises, gives us courage in the midst of the trial- even when things seem bleak, we know- we KNOW- He never fails us.  We can hold on to His promise with confidence!

Sometimes, we cling to His word and that confidence in Him because that is all we have left.  I have been at that place a few times.  The world seems upside down and I have lost confidence in many things and I am just clinging to Him- desperate for Christ to hold me steady while my world seems to be spinning out of control.  Have you been there?  Most of us have at some point in our faith.  "This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls....."  (Hebrews 6:18a)  I love that word picture.  On a boat, the only way for the boat to not float off from certain point with the current is for the anchor to be put down- the weight of the anchor holds the ship steadfast against the current.  That is what our confidence in God and His promises does for us- they hold us steady against the current of this world and keep us on point with Him.  Glory!  When our world is rocked by life, He is our anchor and keeps us safe and secure from all that would pull us away from God. 

This confidence we have through our relationship with God through Christ allows us to enter His inner sanctuary and bring all requests to Him.  Before Christ, only the priests were allowed into the inner sanctuary to pray for the people of God.  At the moment of Christ's death on the cross, the veil dividing the inner and outer sanctuaries was torn in two giving us the freedom to go to God in prayer without mediation.  Never underestimate that precious gift- the gift of approaching God's throne at anytime, anywhere pleading our heart before our King!! 

My friend, I need this reminder.  Sometimes, there is just a subtle current trying to drift me away from Him, and sometimes it is a raging storm and I am clinging to the anchor holding me to God.  I need to know each day that His promises are true, faithful and dependable.... I need Him- every day of my life, I need Him. 

Do you need an anchor today?  Is life's current pulling at you?  Cling, my friend, to the anchor of your soul!

The Freedom of Clean

 

I love it when things are clean!  (I don't love the cleaning, but I LOVE it when everything is clean.)  The smell of my toddler when he is just out from a bath just makes me smile.  I often cuddle with him afterward and just breathe him in.  I love a spotless house- have you ever just walked into your house after a good cleaning and just released a small sigh of joy over it?  I also love fresh, clean laundry.  Often when I am folding laundry, I just hold a towel to my face and just soaked in the warm freshnes of it.

Now, don't think that my house is always spotless, and perfectly clean at all times- if you have read some of my previous posts, you know that isn't the case.  I love cleanness, but life happens in this house.  I do clean and do laundry and we all bathe regularly, but those moments when everything is fresh and spotless at the same time are rare!  I think that is why I love it so much- the fact that I have boys that love to play and get dirty makes me love the moments when they are clean so much sweeter.  The fact that I often have mounds of dirty laundry waiting, makes the moments of breathing in the warm fresh scent of finished laundry so rewarding.  There is just something invigorating about being clean.... renewed, ready for the next purpose.

That is how I am in Christ.... I was dirty, sin-stained, broken, used and lacking purpose.  He cleaned me- through His blood- he cleaned me.  No stain remains- spotless in His sight- and He gave me a purpose again.  Everyone wants to be needed and have a use, but when we feel so discarded because of life or poor choices, we feel unwanted, useless.  That is not how God sees us- He sees opportunity, freshness, new beginnings, and hope- just waiting on that moment when we reach the end of us and turn in desperation to Him.  When we have tried to clean ourselves, and can't do it; so, we reach out our hand to the Savior.  He cleans us... He renews us... and we have purpose in Him. 

" He forgives your sins- every one.  He heals your diseases- every one.  He redeems you from hell- saves your life!  He crowns you with love and mercy- a paradise crown.  He wraps you in goodness- beauty eternal.  He renews your youth- your always young in his presence."  Psalm 103: 3-5 MSG

Life will still happen and we will still have to deal with the consequences of some things, but with a new source of strength because God is with us and our future is secure.  In the freedom of new found purity, we can face all that the day holds- we are forgiven, renewed, needed and useful.  You are so valuable to the King- He sacrificed His son so you might be clean, pure, forgiven, needed, and useful.  It cost Him so much, and in all fairness, we shouldn't take it for granted.  This cleaning was through the life-giving blood of His son- may we never stop finding the joy in that.  Let us always long to soak in the freshness of this life we have been given and let us look, with anticipation, for the purpose God has for our lives.  No longer discarded, we have purpose in our blood bought purity....

Where is the Rewind Button?

On Thursday, I was running some errands, and had to stop and drop off a bill locally.  Since it would take me all of 10 seconds, I pulled in the drive and hopped out of the car to place the bill in a deposit box and just as I was getting out of the car I heard a testimony on the radio that interested me.  I quickly returned to the car, but missed some important details of the testimony and was somewhat irritated at myself for not just waiting the few seconds to hear it.  I thought about Carson and one day he had asked me to rewind the radio because he wanted to hear a song again.  I could identify with his feelings right at that moment.

It hit me as I continued how much of a 'rewind' society we live in- we live in such a digital world that television, music, and videos can all be played again in the matter of pressing a button.  I had such a time on the day Carson wanted me to play that song again on the radio explaining why I couldn't do that for him.  He pointed out that even the radio had rewind or go back buttons.... how could it not work?

In life, we can't always rewind, huh?  Some decisions, words or actions just can't be taken back or done differently.  The sad thing is that we treat our world as though we can do a cosmic rewind and just ignore our missteps.  Society tells us to "follow our heart" and "believe in yourself" and if you do these things you can overcome anything.... and, if by chance you messed up- don't worry- you can always figure something out to start over.  How is this working out for our society? 

I believe God absolutely gives us freedom of choice in regards to our actions, and I believe He is fully capable of using all of our decisions- whether good or bad- to bring glory to Himself.  I also believe, however, that sometimes the consequences of our actions will still have to be dealt with and addressed.  Someone who has abused their body with drugs and alcohol may change their life and choose to live a life honoring the Father, but they may deal with the affects of that abuse on their body for years.  The consequence of an unplanned pregnancy will have lasting ripples in the lives that are touched- no matter what decision is made- life will not be the same afterward.  Even words spoken in anger against another cannot be taken back- forgiveness can be sought and received but a mark in the memory remains. 

I think, as a Christian, this helps me to understand why my decisions are so important.  God can and will use anything, including my failures, for His glory to teach me to be tender, more compliant, and less judgemental of others.  I also believe that He rejoices when I take the time to think through my actions and do my best to honor Him with my decisions.  The realization that some decisions will have lasting consequences should make me more alert and on guard against the enemy- he is seeking to destroy believers. Nothing pleases the evil one more than to destroy the testimony of one who professes Christ.

I read this Beth Moore quote, today, during my quiet time, "The biggest sacrifices of our lives will be those times when we chose our own way and forfeited God's pleasing will for us."

We all have failed.  We all have forfeited God's pleasing will for us in something.  So, we need to understand that loving restoration is a part of all of our lives and as believers, we need to cast a hand to help rather than casting a glance of superiority.  Let us live with focus and determination to honor Him and build each other up with encouragement and support because we are all just a decision away from wishing we could rewind a moment.

The Heart of the Issue

Being real, honest, and vulnerable is something that God has grown me into over the past several years.  There are some areas of my life that I will openly share without a second thought, but areas of deep, emotional sensitivity I do not share well.  I think God has a purpose in all this and I have learned to share only when I sense Him saying, "It's time."  Yesterday, became one of those moments for me.

For several months, I have been dealing with an issue with my heart- physical, not emotional.  I first had some concerns when I was pregnant with Carson and then Kendall.  I had many numerous episodes, while pregnant, of my heart racing to the point of nearly fainting.  I would feel so hot on the inside and yet cold and clammy to the touch.  I would feel so light-headed and things would start going dark, and I would just fall where I was in order to avoid fainting.  Afterward, I would need 1-2 hours to recover from the episodes as I just wouldn't feel normal for a period of time.  My doctor assured me that this is normal for some women while pregnant as your heart is trying to pump blood for two.  After having the boys, I didn't have issues.... until, February of this year. 

One morning I was enjoying my second cup of coffee when I felt pressure building in my chest which was uncomfortable, but not painful.  It built until I had to "catch" my breath.  While only lasting a matter of seconds, I knew something wasn't right.  I soon figured out that I was skipping heart beats and that the coffee was a factor.  So, in my attempt to "fix it" myself, I changed my coffee to half-caffeinated and limited my sodas.  This worked for a few weeks, but then at the end of April I began having the spells again.  Over the past six weeks, they have progressed quite a bit.  I do believe that caffeine is certainly a factor, but I have had episodes when my caffeine intake was very low.  I have also had some heart racing spells again and times where the pressure in my chest lasts longer than before. 

So, I went to my family practice doctor.  To be honest, making the call for the appointment was so hard for me- it was admitting to myself that something was wrong.  At my appointment, my doctor ran an EKG and the results were "slightly abnormal" and he decided it was best to refer me to a cardiologist.  Yesterday, I went to the cardiologist and he has scheduled an ECG and stress test in 2 weeks- which I am dreading!  I will also be wearing a heart monitor over the next month.  I am glad that both doctors are taking my concerns seriously and I still believe that the treatment may be as simple as a diet and lifestyle change or it may mean a medication.  I guess time will tell on that and I am okay either way- I just want to know what I am dealing with- having answers helps me process and proceed.

This is  what I do know..... I believe God wants me to share my journey in this life- the good, the bad and the ugly!  Not that I am special, but quite the contrary, because I am just like everyone reading this.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed, and sometimes I fail in my attitudes and actions- I rarely have it all together.  However, my God has never failed me and if my being honest, real, and vulnerable encourages someone else in their spiritual journey then I must share.  I appreciate your prayers, and I know God has a plan in all this to grow me closer to Him.  Plus, there may be some really funny stories out of all this- I wonder what the heart monitor will indicate when all my boys return!?!?

This is the scripture that God just keeps bringing back to me and maybe it is an encouragement to you too.
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13

No issue is too small or too great to bring to the feet of Christ.  Whatever you  might be battling right now- fatigue, financial, physical, emotional, and fears- He holds you close and has beautiful plans for you.... He will not fail you.... and that is the heart of the issue.

What is your learning style?

About this time of year as the summer heats up and school lessons are finished; we begin the process of researching homeschool curriculum for the following year.  There are always many considerations for us- expense, academic level, preparation, and learning styles are but a few of the things that factor our decision.  Only in the past few years have the different learning styles of our boys become a more influential pull as we weigh different curriculum options.  This is due, in part, to having to figure out the best way each of them learns the various subjects best.   Caleb and Carson each have their areas in which they are "bent" and more passionate about studying as well as areas that just come easier to them.  Some children need to see a visual picture for a lesson while others need an auditory connection to a lesson in order to fully comprehend it, but most of us learn best through experiencing lesson for ourselves.  As a homeschool family, we do our best to create learning experiences for our kids as often as possible.

Today, as I thought about this, I realized that the same is true for my relationship with the Father.  We all have certain areas that come easier for us and, sadly, areas that often we keep having to learn by experience.  Sometimes we can hear about the experience of another believer and it is enough to help us grow and mature in our faith.  At other times, we may personally witness or see someone walking a spiritual journey that challenges us in our own personal walk with God.  There are also times, however, that we learn through our own experiences-whether good or bad- trials and triumphs that forever become spiritual markers in our lives. 

The wonderful part of all this is that we have a perfect teacher who knows everything about us and designs those experiences to match our most intricate and intimate needs.  His lessons are always meant for our benefit and are never for our harm.  His desire is to see us mature in our faith in order to prepare us for the plans He has for us.  No lesson is ever wasted, unnecessary or unneeded.  He is reminding me that I need to be a compliant student who seeks after Him and looks for the lessons in the circumstances.

"Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."  Colossians 2:7 NLT

I want to be an outstanding student because these are the "tests" that matter.  I long for the approval of my teacher and Father.  Teach me, Father, and help my blind eyes see the lessons in the circumstances.

When We Have a God-Sized Need

Have you ever had a need so great,... but.... you couldn't meet it?  How did you feel?.... Angry?... Frustrated?.... Heartbroken?....

What did you find solace in- your ability?  your confidence?  your family?  your money?  your food?  your children?  your degree?  your next drink?   some pills?

This morning each of my boys had a need that he could not meet.  Kendall needed a diaper change (Bad Momma, I know) and he laid on the floor with a diaper next to him, but couldn't change himself.  Carson wanted to watch a movie after completing his morning responsibilities and couldn't get the DVD player to work.  Caleb needed some of his medication, but we had run out and are preparing to go get it.  These needs are an inconvenience, but what about more devastating needs.....job loss, life threatening disease, loss of a spouse, loss of a child, or a divorce...

What do you do in the midst of those needs- where do you turn?  On January 5, 2009, Reagan called me to let me know that he had been laid off and I slowly felt all security fall out from under me.  How would we pay the bills?  How would we get Caleb's much needed (and very expensive) medication?  How will we survive?  That night, in the midst of deep, desperate tears I sang praise songs.  I didn't know what would happen the next day, week, month, but I did know my Lord would be there through it all.  I don't want you to think the journey was pretty- I cried countless desperate tears.  I got angry at God (whoa- what?), and I was crushed when doors closed.... and then, quietly, I would get up... and in a broken whisper, I would start to praise Him in songs, prayers, and testimony.  Each day, God made me stronger.

Reagan didn't get a job the next day, week, month.... it took four months- FOUR months.  At the end of that journey, we had not touched our savings account and God had provided for all our needs (needs- not necessarily wants).  We always had food to eat, and our bills were always met- God used other believers, odd jobs, and the like to do it, but we walked through the fire of that trial and came out changed-better-stronger.

Maybe you have a huge need right now and you are desperate for resolution.  Remember no matter how great the need, we have a greater God.  He will answer you and bring resolution, but it will be in His timing.  Reagan didn't get the first job he interviewed for, or the second, or the third... but, God taught us and grew us in ways that we couldn't have appreciated had the end come sooner.  I know the deep pain of longing and clinging to the hope within us with all your remaining strength.  Take heart- God will not fail you.  He will not make you wait one second longer than necessary.  The joy you will find when at the concluding moments of this trial will be indescribable!

" You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."  Phillipians 4:19 MSG

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  He who goes out weeping, carrying seeds to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."  Psalms 126:5,6  NIV

"My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."   Psalm 73:26 NLT

My friend, cry if you need to cry...release the anger, hurt and disappointment and then rise and praise Him- if only a whisper- praise Him.  Victory is coming and He has great plans for you, lean on the only strength that can save you! 

A Lost Tooth!

Today is an exciting day in the Boles house... Carson lost his first tooth!

For several months, Carson had witnessed several of his friends losing teeth and had become concerned as to why he hadn't lost a tooth.  About 3 to 4 weeks ago, we realized that one of his front bottom teeth was finally becoming loose.  Since that time, he has wiggled that tooth trying to prompt it to evacuate it's current home.  Each week, I would say, "I think it will be out by next week."  However, it was one stubborn tooth!

Yesterday, Carson decided to have an apple with part of his lunch and when he took a bite, something "popped" and the tooth was suddenly very close coming out.  While initially Carson was extremely excited, the discomfort of that moment made him well aware that this could be a painful proposition and fear began to overtake him.  All afternoon yesterday, my precious boy was caught in turmoil, anxiety, and fear to the point of tears over how much it was going to hurt for this tooth to come out.  It broke my heart!  I could tell that the tooth was so ready to come out, and I felt like it wouldn't take much for it to come out.  Sadly, though, I couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't be painful.  The one thing I did know was that it wasn't as bad as Carson was visualizing it in his head.  I kept reassuring  him, cuddling him and comforting him as best as I could- it wasn't until we prayed about it (upon his request) that he calmed.  I kind of held a collective breath all evening waiting to see if the tooth fairy would make her first arrival at Carson's pillow, but alas.... no tooth.

This morning, Carson had been up a few minutes and was eating a muffin.  He was walking into my room and I asked him to come give me a quick hug when he reached into his mouth and pulled out the tooth.... He was so shocked.... He was so excited.   It came out totally on it's own with little to no discomfort!  We took a picture and celebrated this victory for Carson.  More than anything, I think he was just so relieved from all the worry and fear that had plagued him for the previous day.

Our human nature is like that- Satan attacks us with fears and we take it to the extreme, huh?  Fears like losing a spouse or a child, losing a job, being diagnosed with a terrible illness, and such can make sleepless nights and drive us to extreme behaviors.  The crazy part is that very few of us will ever face those situations, but Satan knows how to frighten us and get us distracted from the Father.  Truth is, if we are anxious, then we are not trusting and yielding to God- we are trying to be self sufficient and when we realize just how unprepared we are, we panic and give into the schemes of the evil one.  God knows we aren't prepared, capable, or equipped.... but HE is fully capable to meet all needs.  If our worst fear was realized, God would still be there.  He would still meet all needs whether emotional, physical, mental, financial, or spiritual.  At the end of that journey, we would fall at His feet and allow Him to heal us, restore us, and make us whole.  We will have troubles, but God will always be faithful to us when we seek after Him in the midst of the storm.  Just as I did my best to comfort Carson yesterday- God can bring comfort to any situation through the Holy Spirit if we will give Him our pain and hurt and lay our brokenness at His feet.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."      Romans 8:37-39

What are some of your fears?  What are you anxious about today?  Our God is our refuge and strength while in trouble and He never leaves your side. (Psalms 46:1) Don't listen to the cries of the evil one, but turn to the solid promises and truths of the Father!   Rejoice and live in the relief and peace of knowing that God is fully capable of meeting every need!

Mother's Day: A Lesson in Contentment



Okay, I have to admit that I have often had mixed emotions regarding Mother's Day.  Don't get me wrong- I have been blessed with a wonderful mother!  I could spend an entire blog just on how much she sacrificed and did for us as children.  She has always been a godly example for me and I couldn't be more blessed by the Lord to have been raised under her teaching.  I have also been blessed with an incredible mother in law- so much so that I truly see her as my second mother.  Over the years, she has been such an incredible blessing in my life.  It is for these reasons that I love honoring and blessing my mothers. 

However, in the past Mother's Day was hard for me.  As a single woman, it was just another reminder that I was still not married.  As a young wife, it was a reminder that I was still not a mother- which I wanted so very much.  As a young mother, I often struggled if the day didn't live up to the Hallmark commercial standards.  I think some of you can relate..... Perhaps your dreams of being married, having children or having a picture perfect celebration have just fallen short.  The deep hurt and longing to hold a child of your own- for many women- is a pain that tears at our very fiber and being.  As women, God so designed us to carry and nurture children and to not be able to fulfill that design makes us question our value and validity. 

After having Caleb, we felt God's leading to adopt, and so began the process.  Several months, sleepless nights and tears in, we still did not have all the needed finances.  I SO desperately wanted to be a mother again, but I also wanted to be obedient to God's calling.  Finally, God brought me to a point of helplessness when I realized I couldn't make an adoption happen anymore than I could make a pregnancy happen.  I knew if God really meant for us to adopt, then He would prevent any pregnancies in order for us to fulfill what He had for us- yet, the adoption had reached a dead in as well.... so, I reached a point of letting go.  Letting go of my plans, dreams, and expectations- we just trusted God to create our family however He chose.  Three months later, Carson was on his way and I have to trust that God still had a plan for that part of our journey with Him.

I share this because I know the deep longing for child and how painful Mother's Day can be for those in a similar situation.  I have also been so looking forward to Mother's Day and so disappointed when things just didn't turn out like I had expected.  I teasingly said yesterday, "Mother's Day just isn't complete without someone getting a spanking."  Let's be honest, Hallmark type commercials are not real life! Sometimes, your loved ones forget, your kids are fussy and disappointments prevail.  

This weekend could have been one of those weekends for me.  Reagan and I had plans to go to a homeschool bookfair this weekend- which I always enjoy- and my parents had agreed to keep the boys.  It looked like we were going to go on a couple of date nights while they were visiting in Dublin.  I was very excited!  We had a great evening Friday shopping for my mother's day gift and I awoke with great excitement and anticipation on Saturday.  Alas, things didn't go as planned, Reagan became so very sick around noon while at the homeschool bookfair and we had to leave shortly afterward.  My evening consisted of tending to my sick husband, take-out, and a chick flick on television.  On Sunday, I went to church alone, got my free carnation from church and met my parents for a wonderful meal in Granbury.

The crazy part in all this is that one prevailing emotion filled me...... contentment.  It honestly shocked me how peaceful and happy I felt all weekend.   Reagan kept apologizing for disappointing me after our weekend turned out so differently and I kept reassuring him that I was fine.  Honestly, I have so much to be thankful for: a husband who dearly loves me, boys that still want to spend time with me, all our needs are met, and I have an incredible family that supports me.  Sure, I wish things would have turned out a little differently, but I felt such peace and contentment that only comes from the Father.  Through the Holy Spirit, we can have contentment in ALL circumstances, but we will never have enough will power or strength to make it happen on our own.  We must reach the end of our self in order for Him to fill us with His peace, joy, and contentment.... so, when our world disappoints, fails us, or leaves us crushed that we lean on His unending supply.  We just have to get to the point where we trust God so much that we are willing to let go of our dreams and let Him full our hands with Him- His will, His plans, His dreams for us and suddenly we can understand that contentment isn't having it all but being thankful for all.

I read this scripture today, "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are- no more, no less.  That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Matthew 5:5 MSG

Nothing on earth will last and we can't take it with us, and I would rather find peace in each day rather than grappling over what I think I need to fulfill me.  Only God truly knows what I need  and I have to choose, daily, His will and plans over mine.  Let go of that heartache, my friend, and let God show you His plan for your life- there is never so much joy than when you release your self and immerse yourself in the Father.  Let go and let God.....

My Chains are Gone

Yesterday, we had the privilege of worshiping with my parents at their home church.  While we love our home church and family, we are always encouraged by visiting other churches with all the privileges of being a guest.  Sometimes, just being free to worship without the mind clutter of duties and responsibilities  allows me to focus more on praising my Lord.  We sang this Chris Tomlin song yesterday and it really blessed me so much.

Here is the chorus:

"My Chains are gone, I've been set free.

My God, My Savior has ransomed me.

And like a flood, His mercy rains,

Unending love, amazing grace."

As I truly reflected on these words, it rang so true in my heart.  I am free.  I am free.  The chains of my past sins, regrets, and hurts are broken.  There is a freedom in Christ that cannot be obtained in this world- there is nothing comparable to the absolute freedom in Christ!

We are free and it cost us nothing, but it cost God much.  We were ransomed and our value was so high that it cost God his own Son.  My mother's heart can't even tally that deep a sacrifice.  In that instant that Jesus declared, "It is finished," mercy like rain poured over all of mankind cleansing us from marrow to skin and all within.  We are pure because he ransomed us . 

We are loved.  We are free..... but only if we choose to be.

There are chains, sadly, that I choose to keep.  Insecurities, questions, guilt, and longings that seem to never go away are but a few of the chains we keep by choice.  Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that we are free.  We are free.  Let God remove your voluntary chains, if He paid the ransom for you, He has a much greater plan for you.

"My chains are gone, I've been set free."

Nope, no Martha Stewart Here.....

Okay, I have a confession...... maybe it is the fact that it is a Wednesday and the weekend is so far away or the fact that my carpets need to be vacuumed and I have a large pile of laundry still to be done. Possibly it is due to the dishes still in the sink needing to be loaded into the dishwasher.....but.....well.... here it is: I really wish I was a Martha Stewart type of housewife.

There. I said it.

BUT, I am not anywhere near the realm of Martha Stewart and this week God has really been teaching me that is okay. I love looking at Pinterest and seeing all the nifty things I could sew, bake, make and create and I even get a few of my "pins" done, yet, so many are things I would dream of being able to do. I see other moms who are dressed perfectly in their size 2 jeans with the perfect nails and hair, and I start to question my own looks. I see pictures of other homes perfectly clean with beautiful decor and wonder how they had the time to get it done..... I see on Facebook the awesome meals that some of my friends prepare or marvel at the cute cakes that they make for their kids' parties and wonder, "Did I miss that gene?" Nope, no Martha Stewart here..... and that is just fine.

My husband and my kids don't want Martha living here- they want this slightly lumpy, hair often out of place woman, who can cook some decent meals, have enough clean laundry to get by and who will spend time with them. Yep, what they really want is me. They don't want a stressed out version of me who is in constant motion trying to have a perfect house, perfect looks, perfect job, and perfect homeschool lessons. My kids want someone who will sit with them, read with them, play games with them, correct them, lovingly discipline them, and be there for them. My husband loves me because I am his best friend not because I have the perfect body, hair or nails- our connection is much deeper than that.

Now, I am not talking about living in a "Hoarding" episode or looking like I haven't cleaned up in a month of Sundays! What I am talking about is this- I will not beat myself up anymore when I or my house are not ready for the cover of a magazine. It is more important that I spend the time with my family building them up and nurturing them to become what God has planned for them. In time, when the kids have left the nest, the nest might be more Pinterest acceptable and Martha approved, but I want to savor these days of mile high laundry knowing that it is all too fleeting.

Christ, even challenged another "Martha" in this when he approved of Mary sitting and spending time with Him while Martha cleaned and prepared. He knew that what Martha really needed was more of HIM- through HIS love she could be healed from all unrighteousness. I need HIM to heal me from my self -critical attitude and realize that when I am living, learning, and seeking after HIM then my life is well spent and my value is secure. My family won't speak about my looks, nails, hair, cleaning ability or cooking at my funeral (or at least I hope they don't!) I hope they recall the time I spent with them and how much I loved my Lord- and shared it with them.

Yep, Martha Stewart doesn't live here......

Take a Drink

I admit it.... I don't really like water. Okay, I love it for hot showers, washing clothes, and cooking, but when it comes to drinking it.... well, it is all I can do to swallow. I simply drink water because I know I need to for my health and because it is free of calories. I have found, however, that if I use some water flavoring with some fruit flavors that I not only drink my water, but I also enjoy it. You are probably thinking to yourself right now.... okay, so? Today has been a hard day for me. Some circumstances of life really had me down and I truly cried out to the Lord saying, "God I don't want this test/trial. We have had our fair share..... I am tired and weary, Lord. Please don't make me deal with this....." Tonight, as I was drinking a glass of water I realized that just as I need the water for my physical body, I also need trials and tests for my spiritual health. I would love to live a life free of stressful, complicated relationships, physical illnesses or disease, financial worries, unending work......but it is through my imperfect world that I come to see my desperate need for a perfect Savior. When life is going smoothly, I don't feel that longing to spend time with Him through the study of His word and in prayer. When my world feels out of control, I need Him as much as the air in my lungs. Just as the water flavoring helps make the water easier to get down, having friends and fellowship with other believers also helps make those times of trial and testing easier, bearable. When you know that others have traveled down the same road you are now traveling or are perhaps joining you on the journey, the trial isn't as bad... sometimes it even becomes a little sweet as bonds are formed and memories made. I will eventually get my trial and pain free existence.... it is called heaven. When I get there, all that I have "suffered" here will be but a distant memory and it will be an incredible time of true worship of the Father. As much as my soul longs for that, I have much more to learn here.... so, I raise my glass and drink....

Slingshot in Hand

Superman, Batman, Spiderman.... all great examples of heroes for justice. Too bad they aren't real huh? Our world could use a hero right now.... death, illness, natural disasters, lay offs, pain....

Our church has started a new series based on the Max Lucado book, Outlive Your Life. The thought behind our lessons and sermons has been what if you could live your life in such a way that ripples of of your work would continue to change others long after you have passed away. This has really challenged me, personally, to think about my life. Am I living that way? Would there be an ongoing wave of change that would affect change for decades after my death? Hard questions, huh?

How about these questions:

Had you been a German Christian during World War II, would you have taken a stand against Hitler?

Had you lived during the Civil Rights movement in the South, would you have taken a stand against racism?

When your grandchildren discover that you lived in a day in which 3 billion people were desperately poor and 1 billion were hungry, how will they judge your response?

Hard questions. Maybe even harder answers.

In the security of my home or the comfort of my close Christian friends, it is easy to believe that I would have the courage of David to pick up the stones and slingshot.... that I would walk out to face the giant. However, in the reality of this world my hand trembles when the slingshot is in hand and I am fearful. Afraid. Overwhelmed.

Living a life that affects change beyond ourselves requires much.... much time, much energy, much sacrifice and much humbling. What it requires most is the Father and His gift to us, the Holy Spirit. Alone, we can't live beyond our flawed bodies and personalities, but in His hands we can become so much more. God reminded me of all the events I couldn't make it through.... I could never bear to have a child with a major health issue..... but I have. I could never make it through a lay off.... but we did. I could never go through a three year trial selling our first home... but we did. Not me, but Christ who is within me.

Lord, steady my hand when I hold Your slingshot in this world. Make me faithful to You Father and let me live in such a way that ripples will flow for generations. I want to be Your change, Father, and I ask you to relieve me of my fear and plant each of my steps on firm ground.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y