To Grandma Boles....

On this day, this very day, ninety years ago Arlene Schwartz was born into this world.  She was one of fifteen children raised on hard work and strong determination.  She met a handsome young man and married him at the tender age of 17.  She and her love, Monroe Boles, raised four sons including one who grew to become the father of my husband. 

I feel very inadequate to share much about this beautiful lady as I am relatively new to the family, but I could not let this day pass without sharing what she has meant to me.  When I first came to meet the Boles family back in November 1996, I was more than a little nervous.  Reagan and I were newly engaged after a whirlwind courtship, and it was the first time for me to meet his extended family.  The Boles are a rare jewel in this modern society of dysfunctional families as there is an extensive history of strong, loving marriages.   Plus, there is a strong emotional bond that ties this family together which is tender and precious to witness.  However, it can also be incredibly intimidating! 
As I walked into the home of Monroe and Arlene for the first time, the thing that struck me was how it smelled just like my grandparents' home.  Monroe and Arlene (Paw-paw and Grandma) even looked similar to my own grandparents and Grandma's warm smile immediately put me to ease.   The Boles matriarch always greeted us at the door with a warm hug, smile and a "Come on in!".

I have loved, over the years, to walk into their kitchen finding she and Paw-paw sitting at their small bistro table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper together.  Often, no words were spoken, but there was anything but silence between them- the comfort and peace that they shared together just being and living spoke volumes.  Grandma has a laugh that brings such warmth to your soul and when she smiles with that spirited, mischievous twinkle in her eye, you can't help but curl your toes in delight.  She has tremendous strength that has carried her through heartache and trials as well as a gentle, tenderness that allows her to shed tears of delight, joy and sadness with grace and dignity.  She is a true southern lady.

I have often thought of her (and my own Granny) as I attempt to raise my sons.  I reflect on her strength, wisdom and wonder what she would say to me about raising three future Boles men.  There is just something bonding between women who have all sons- and one of my last deep conversations with Grandma, when I really knew that she was "there" was about raising boys.  She has become more than just Grandma to me, she is truly a friend and companion.

To know Grandma at all, however, is to know of her deep love for the Lord.  It is the foundation of what she and Paw-Paw built and it is why this family has remained strong.  God has blessed her richly because they always sought after HIM.  By world standards she may not have accomplished much.... she just lived and thrived.  She didn't change the world, as a whole, but she changed my world.  She raised a son, who raised a son, who won my heart..... she changed my world.  That legacy will not fade, rust or tarnish.  

This scripture reminds me of her:    "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." Psalm 27:4

We lost Paw-paw in 2008, and Grandma has changed much in that time.  She is more vulnerable, and a little lost without Monroe there beside her- he was by her side for 69 years and no one could truly fill his shoes.  I am thankful, now, for all the moments we still have her with us as I know she longs to see her love again.  It will be a beautiful reunion... when the time comes, but for now, we celebrate this beautiful lady and her legacy.

Happy Birthday Grandma!  We love you!

What is the fire that consumes you?

Recently, while at the grocery store, I visited with a friend and she asked me, "Why do you homeschool?"

To be honest, I am asked this question often. I have developed my own standard response which is something like, "Well, our oldest son has epilepsy and when he was younger we began homeschooling to accommodate his needs, but we fell in love with the flexibility it gives us- especially with my husband's crazy work schedule."

All of this is true, but there is so much more to it- I could mention how much I despise the standardized testing, how much homework that our kids are expected to do which seems to limit their time to just play and be a kid, or mention how I really wanted to be the one to influence their values, behavior and decisions. All of these are a part of our decision, but even that isn't accurate.....

It is my calling.

Having grown up in a family of teachers and having taught in public school for several years, I never dreamed of homeschooling my kids. It sort of went against the grain of how I had been raised. That all changed the moment Caleb was born- all plans to go back to work after his birth changed because I looked into his face and KNEW my heart was at home. It didn't make sense- why quit a perfectly good job to stay home and raise my son(s)? Why scrape by financially from month to month? We could have a bigger house- better vehicles- more "toys'..... Why do that to ourselves? Why not send the kids to school each day so you can have time to yourself- to get all the housework done? Why? Why? Why?

It is my calling.

Later, when Caleb had completed his Kindergarten year at a wonderful Christian school, we prayed about the next step. He would either have to go to public school or I would homeschool him. As we prayed, God made it so clear- even providing the exact money needed to purchase some curriculum. We went into the year saying that we would take it one year at a time- that was five years ago! Why?

It is my calling.

It has not always been an easy calling. When I first stayed home with Caleb, we were so naive that we didn't look at our finances to figure out if we could make it. We just believed that if we were honoring God with our decision, that He would provide and He did. We have given up a larger house, as two of our boys share a room. We have driven older vehicles, and we do not eat out very often. It has been a sacrifice in some ways, but such a joy and blessing in so many more ways. The time we have had to love, instruct, and care for our boys is beyond any measurable value. To be honest, we have never lacked anything that we needed. I think this is because we have been true to the calling God put on our hearts. Furthermore, I am happy. I love my calling and wouldn't change a thing!

While it is what God has for me, I would NEVER think that it should be every one's calling. I greatly admire many of my friends who work outside the home balancing work, family, home and commitments- it is just not God's plan for my life.

Today, I read this from Max Lucado's book, "The Great House of God":

"Want to know God's will for your life? Then answer this question: What ignites your heart? ... As a young man I felt the call to preach. Unsure if I was correct in my reading of God's will for me. I sought the counsel of a minister I admired. His counsel still rings true. 'Don't preach,' he said, 'unless you have to.'
As I pondered his words, I found my answer: 'I have to. If I don't, the fire will consume me."

What is the fire that consumes you? Be true to what God has placed on your heart- don't be consumed with a fire and passion for something that you can't put out. It was meant to burn deep within.... it is your calling.

Nope, no Martha Stewart Here.....

Okay, I have a confession...... maybe it is the fact that it is a Wednesday and the weekend is so far away or the fact that my carpets need to be vacuumed and I have a large pile of laundry still to be done. Possibly it is due to the dishes still in the sink needing to be loaded into the dishwasher.....but.....well.... here it is: I really wish I was a Martha Stewart type of housewife.

There. I said it.

BUT, I am not anywhere near the realm of Martha Stewart and this week God has really been teaching me that is okay. I love looking at Pinterest and seeing all the nifty things I could sew, bake, make and create and I even get a few of my "pins" done, yet, so many are things I would dream of being able to do. I see other moms who are dressed perfectly in their size 2 jeans with the perfect nails and hair, and I start to question my own looks. I see pictures of other homes perfectly clean with beautiful decor and wonder how they had the time to get it done..... I see on Facebook the awesome meals that some of my friends prepare or marvel at the cute cakes that they make for their kids' parties and wonder, "Did I miss that gene?" Nope, no Martha Stewart here..... and that is just fine.

My husband and my kids don't want Martha living here- they want this slightly lumpy, hair often out of place woman, who can cook some decent meals, have enough clean laundry to get by and who will spend time with them. Yep, what they really want is me. They don't want a stressed out version of me who is in constant motion trying to have a perfect house, perfect looks, perfect job, and perfect homeschool lessons. My kids want someone who will sit with them, read with them, play games with them, correct them, lovingly discipline them, and be there for them. My husband loves me because I am his best friend not because I have the perfect body, hair or nails- our connection is much deeper than that.

Now, I am not talking about living in a "Hoarding" episode or looking like I haven't cleaned up in a month of Sundays! What I am talking about is this- I will not beat myself up anymore when I or my house are not ready for the cover of a magazine. It is more important that I spend the time with my family building them up and nurturing them to become what God has planned for them. In time, when the kids have left the nest, the nest might be more Pinterest acceptable and Martha approved, but I want to savor these days of mile high laundry knowing that it is all too fleeting.

Christ, even challenged another "Martha" in this when he approved of Mary sitting and spending time with Him while Martha cleaned and prepared. He knew that what Martha really needed was more of HIM- through HIS love she could be healed from all unrighteousness. I need HIM to heal me from my self -critical attitude and realize that when I am living, learning, and seeking after HIM then my life is well spent and my value is secure. My family won't speak about my looks, nails, hair, cleaning ability or cooking at my funeral (or at least I hope they don't!) I hope they recall the time I spent with them and how much I loved my Lord- and shared it with them.

Yep, Martha Stewart doesn't live here......

"Bed Time"

Well, before I knew it last week flew by and I never had a chance to update our family blog! We had a great week, however, and were blessed to be able to attend two graduation parties for two special people in our world. I know each of them will be a great success in whatever they choose to do. As parents, we look at each of these two families and hope to be as successful in parenting as they have been. They each have been faithful in seeking after the Father for daily guidance in how to train and raise up their children and it encourages me to make sure that I am doing the same for our family.

This morning was a special, rare morning when our whole household sleeps in- including Kendall! One positive to Reagan's work schedule is that we are able to have mornings together. This morning was special because all three boys came and joined us on our bed to talk and laugh together. This is a tradition that started with Caleb when, on certain mornings, he would come and join us on our bed to talk and share with each other. The conversation doesn't have to be anything serious or major, but it can go in that direction as well.
So, this morning Reagan brought Kendall to bed first because he didn't seem to want to eat and, yet, he wanted someone to "talk" and play with him. Then, Caleb arrived followed soon after by Carson. This morning we sang several classic 80's songs that the boys had learned from a cd that we acquired in a kids' meal from Wendys. Too bad our neighbors were at work as they missed quite a concert! We often just goof off and play around with each other, but it is always just about being together. Sometimes we will just laugh and visit for over an hour.... I cherish every moment of that time. It means so much to me that they want to spend that time with us - no television, no video games- just our family, together.
I love my boys and I love the moments that we share during our "bed- time"..... we just may need to get a King size bed before long!

Why Simply Boles?

Well, I am finally doing this- finally starting our family blog.... so why now? Well, why not now? I guess I have finally realized that life isn't slowing down and blogging about our family is a great way of documenting all the adventures of our family and sharing them with you.

Granted, our life is simple.... sometimes it is simply crazy as we parent three boys who will often provide plenty of material to make one laugh or cry.

Sometimes our life is simply fun as we love to laugh and play.

Sometimes our life is simply frustrating as we go through trials together.

Our life is always honest as we openly share our struggles, triumphs, joys and fears.....

Our life is not our own as we strive to honor our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Our life is truly simple..... simply beautiful.....simply Boles.