Press On

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 13-14

This morning, while I was having my morning devotional, I read this scripture. I began to pray, and was thanking God and rejoicing in how I could leave my past behind. I think that most individuals have memories in the past that we are glad to leave behind .... things we shouldn't have said, actions we shouldn't have done, thoughts that should have never entered our mind and so forth. This verse can be liberating when you are plagued with memories of your personal shortcomings.

Then, God brought a thought to mind.....

What about your "trophy" memories? What about all the times you accomplished things in the past? Are you still looking back at all those successes and triumphs and missing what God is calling you to right now?

hmmm....

These are the moments when you find yourself saying....

" I graduated at the top of my class.....",

"I was the star athlete on the ________ team....",

"I won the 'Best Actress' award.....",

" I worked at________ and made quite a living doing that......",

" I won this award while I was at that company....."

It hit me that looking back at my personal accomplishments was still looking back. Now, looking back at all that God has done for us is such an encouragement when we are struggling in a situation. Our memories of how God had provided in previous situations helped us get through the four months that Reagan was off work. I believe that type of looking back/reflection is God honoring. What I felt convicted of today was the looking back at MY accomplishments.... my mental trophies so to speak. If we focus on all that we were back a few years ago, then we aren't giving our best to what God has for us today.

Reagan and I enjoy watching the show, "Good Luck Charlie" on the Disney Channel. This is not a Christian show and at times we have to discuss parts of it with our kids, but there are parts of it that make us laugh till our sides hurt. I think because it often shows human nature at its best and worst. The mother on the show (Amy Duncan) cannot get past her glorious high school days. Often, she reflects back on how incredible her high school experience was; however, in the process she loses so many opportunities to connect and help her kids.

I think this is what God was trying to help me realize today. No matter what happened in the past- whether good or bad- let our focus be on what God wants from me in the present. I don't want to miss opportunities because I was shining old trophies or nursing scars from the past.

Thank you, God, for this day and for these opportunities.....

Grace for Today

Last night, as I sat watching a 9/11 special, I heard an all too familiar sound coming from Caleb's room. Immediately, my heart sunk as I walked in to find him in the midst of a seizure. Having dealt with his Epilepsy for several years now, I have the head knowledge to know what to do for him physically..... place him in a safe space, time it, watch to make sure he can still breathe and not sufficate or choke as vomiting is inevitable.....

But, will I ever not be shaken emotionally?

My heart still isn't used to seeing my precious son's body shaking violently and not being able to stop it. To see his eyes look black and lifeless and know that he isn't "there," and watching him suffer for hours afterwards due to a migraine-like headache.

After each episode, Reagan and I find ourselves hoping and questioning Caleb's future..... Will he be able to drive? Will he be able to function and work to provide for himself? Will he marry? In the past, our hope that he would out-grow this condition and be able to make it without medication would encourage us, but not lately. Our hope is fading for that all-inclusive-no-strings-attached miracle. He may always require medication in order to control this condition.

Today, God spoke to my grieving heart and reassured me that whatever He has planned for Caleb will include his Epilepsy. God designed every detail of my son and this condition did not "slip past" God. He planned this for Caleb. He is not flawed or broken. He is designed by the most loving, caring creator and this condition will not prevent Caleb from experiencing anything God has for him to do or accomplish. This will make him stronger. I think it is making our family stronger. The real miracle here may not be in the healing of this ailment, but in our thriving despite it. There are still many questions, and I cannot answer them at this point. However, I know that God loves Caleb and has his best interest at heart and that is enough to get through today, tomorrow and the numerous days ahead.

So, I praise Him for the adventure that still is to come and for the grace I need today.

These are the moments.....

These are the moments that happen every morning.... that I am so thankful for.

These are the faces that make me smile, laugh, and drive me crazy.

And I wouldn't change a thing....

I love you Caleb, Carson and Kendall.

Proud Momma

I have to take a moment to share a proud Momma moment. This year Carson, our second son, wasn't turning 5 until November 2; so, we couldn't start public Kindergarten until next year. As many of you know, we homeschool our oldest son and I thought that this year might be a good trial year with Carson. First, to see if I could even homeschool two as well as keep up with Kendall. Second, to see if we could survive it without major meltdowns... from him as well as me!

Surprisingly, this year has gone so well. He has really picked up on everything so quickly and I have been blown away. He was SO ready to start school and our waiting another year to do anything wouldn't have been good for him.

On Wednesday, Carson, brought me a book that he had been working on for a couple of days.... now, this book was not a beginning reader book- it was an actual Thomas the Train book. He read it from cover to cover with no help from me. I teared up a little as he read with such confidence and inflection. It was a precious moment and it was so special because we, as a family, were his teachers that helped him achieve this goal.

I do not believe that homeschooling is for everyone and we have determined to pray each year about what God would have us to do with each of our children. In those precious moments, however, I am so thankful that I got to be one of the first to experience that with him as a whole new world has opened to him.... the world of books and reading. It is also in those precious moments that I know- without a doubt- that I am exactly where God wants me to be.... I don't earn a large paycheck and some weeks are harder than others, but this is the journey and calling that God has for us as a family... at this place and time.

Oh, and I LOVE it.....

Take a Drink

I admit it.... I don't really like water. Okay, I love it for hot showers, washing clothes, and cooking, but when it comes to drinking it.... well, it is all I can do to swallow. I simply drink water because I know I need to for my health and because it is free of calories. I have found, however, that if I use some water flavoring with some fruit flavors that I not only drink my water, but I also enjoy it. You are probably thinking to yourself right now.... okay, so? Today has been a hard day for me. Some circumstances of life really had me down and I truly cried out to the Lord saying, "God I don't want this test/trial. We have had our fair share..... I am tired and weary, Lord. Please don't make me deal with this....." Tonight, as I was drinking a glass of water I realized that just as I need the water for my physical body, I also need trials and tests for my spiritual health. I would love to live a life free of stressful, complicated relationships, physical illnesses or disease, financial worries, unending work......but it is through my imperfect world that I come to see my desperate need for a perfect Savior. When life is going smoothly, I don't feel that longing to spend time with Him through the study of His word and in prayer. When my world feels out of control, I need Him as much as the air in my lungs. Just as the water flavoring helps make the water easier to get down, having friends and fellowship with other believers also helps make those times of trial and testing easier, bearable. When you know that others have traveled down the same road you are now traveling or are perhaps joining you on the journey, the trial isn't as bad... sometimes it even becomes a little sweet as bonds are formed and memories made. I will eventually get my trial and pain free existence.... it is called heaven. When I get there, all that I have "suffered" here will be but a distant memory and it will be an incredible time of true worship of the Father. As much as my soul longs for that, I have much more to learn here.... so, I raise my glass and drink....

Where is my pen?

On Saturday night, after a long day, I went to bed and decided to finish up a Bible study that we have been doing with our class at church. As I began working on it, I realized that I couldn't find my pen. I looked in my Bible cover.... nope, not there. Then, I checked in the basket beside our bed... not there either. Hmph! Where did it go? I had looked everywhere it would make sense to find my pen, but it wasn't any of those places. Now, I have more than one pen, but who wants to get out of a nice, comfortable bed if you don't have to? Then, I saw it on the floor next to the bookcase.... why was it there? That was exactly what I needed, but the last place I thought I would find it. How is that like our Lord? Okay, go with me here.....God often gives us exactly what we need, but it may come from unexpected sources. I think He likes to surprise us- either in how He meets our needs or in how He uses us. He often seems to choose people for tasks that simply don't make sense. For example, he choose the youngest of Jesse's sons to become the next king of Israel when there were others far more mature and experienced, but only God knew their hearts. Only God would choose the youngest because he had a heart like His own. David, the child, faces a giant and completes the task that countless grown men were too afraid to attempt. Why? He was God's chosen. How about Rahab? She didn't have the best background, but when God needed someone to protect and aid his spies in Jericho, she risked it all. Why? She was God's chosen. How about Jonah? He didn't want to go and share God's message to Nineveh because He knew God would be merciful, but our Lord pursued him to the point of having him eaten by a fish to get his attention. Why? He was God's chosen. How about Mary? So young and humble that her son, our Messiah, was born in a stable. Why? She was God's chosen. What about Jesus's disciples? Uneducated, not well spoken, and they even smelled a little "fishy", but God used them to spread the precious gospel of our salvation. Why? Because they were God's chosen. How about us? God is calling each of us to something. To be honest, it may not make sense... why me? How can I do that? I am not trained or prepared for that task. BUT, are you God's chosen for that task? If so, take heart my friend, you are a part of a rich tapestry- the "Chosen Unlikely"..... and it is a beautiful weaving because it means that every life has value and meaning- even when it doesn't make sense.

Thank you Cleta Mae.

Yesterday I shared about the life that I hoped to live.... one that would leave ripples of influence long after I would have passed away. Last night, a great example of this kind of life lived, left this world and joined her Savior in heaven. Cleta Mae Walker was "Momma" to everyone in the church. Every time you saw Cleta she greeted you with a smile, warm hug and kiss on the cheek. She truly loved us all and would do anything she could to help if you were in need.

Now, Cleta wasn't perfect. If you ever played a game of KENO with her or tried to steal her gift at the Ladies Christmas party, you know that! She would threaten to cut off her oxygen and tease you like crazy. I think that is why we loved her so much..... she was just herself- faults and all- no pretense. It was easy to just be ourselves around her, too.

"Momma" loved us so deeply, but she loved her Lord even more. I will miss seeing her singing with hands lifted high in praise of Christ who saved her. She couldn't help but talk about God and His great love for her as well as invite everyone she saw to FBC Joshua. She loved her church.... not the building... but its people. She is the reason that Reagan and I found FBC Joshua/North Pointe. When we moved here in 1999, we began the difficult process of finding a new church home. Cleta had invited my sister-in-law, Connie, to visit FBC Joshua and we attended the following Sunday. Within a few weeks, Reagan and I knew that we had found our new church home.

Cleta's life, service, and dedication has become part of fiber of our church.... she can't be replaced and we will always feel a little void left in her absence. However, we WILL see her again and I look forward that smile, hug and kiss on the cheek when I enter heaven's gates. I love you, Cleta.

O Victory in Jesus

My Savior forever

He sought me and He bought me

with His redeeming blood.

He loved me, ere, I knew Him

and all my love is due Him.

He plunged me to victory

beneath the cleansing flood.