Saturday, February 19, 2011

So where have we been????

Okay, I know I have some explaining to do..... start a blog and then not write for 5 months?!?!

I have no real excuse. Life is busy, but whose isn't? The holidays are crazy, but it is every year. Three kids keep me hopping every day, but I could choose to make the time, right?

Honestly, I am not sure why I haven't written more. Life has become crazy and hectic with a (now mobile) infant as well as keeping up with homeschooling the other two and managing to keep us all in clean clothes and fed.

Truly, I think I have gone through a time of soul-searching. Reagan was laid off on January 5, 2009 and things have not been "normal" since that time. We went through 4 months without work, getting a job at Alcon (in the lab), being re-assigned, and most recently, a 30 day leave of absence from his job. While we are certainly thankful to have a job, it has still been a trial. I think I envisioned this perfect "utopia world" position when we went through the four months without work. That job has not presented itself. Instead, my husband works hard at a position for which he is overqualified and paid less than the other workers doing his same job. It, at times, is discouraging and frustrating. Just this week, Reagan found out that he would not be hired on through Alcon for his current position- he will remain a contract employee. No security, no benefits, no perks..... just earning what we need to make it from week to week.

I was be-moaning this fact to the Lord this morning when He gently reminded me that this is what I have asked for.... we have been praying for Him to draw us closer to Him, shape us and mold us to His likeness, and to provide for our needs. They only way God can do these things is to keep us close to Him. In order to grow and "look" more like Christ, we must spend more time focused and dependent on Him. When our bank account is full and when any purchase is made easily; then, we begin to feel "self-sufficient" and we reflect more of ourselves than we do of Christ. We don't spend as much time in prayer and desperate need of Him because our need for Him isn't desperate. It is in the times when life isn't perfect, that we are the most flexible and easily molded into His likeness.

So, I had to decide.... Would I rather have a larger bank account or have a dependent relationship with the Father? With no hesitation or reservation, I WANT, NEED, and LONG for Christ. He has met our every need and we have yet to go without anything we truly needed. He is our security- how more secure can I get than to be dependent upon the all-powerful, one true God? He gives us our benefits and perks- the gifts He has given us through the Holy Spirit are far beyond anything the world can offer ( joy, peace, patience, love, etc.). As I look back over the past two years, we have drawn closer to the Father and grown a deeper understanding of who He is and how He is capable to meeting every need we could ever have. He hasn't failed us. He hasn't left us. He just wants me to want Him.... and I do. I want Him more than anything I could find, buy or experience in this world because He has given me all that the world could never offer.

So, forgive me if I haven't written much, but God and I were doing some "business".... I hope to be more disciplined in my writing and sharing.... goodness, I certainly have plenty of writing material as crazy as this house is! So, please keep reading and I would love to have more "followers" and comments... until later my friends!