When the Burn Stings

While reaching in the oven this morning, I was met with the painful, sharp sensation of a burn on my wrist. I had inadvertently raised my wrist up too high while pulling out breakfast and bumped the metal rack above. Several thoughts ran through my mind....

"I feel rather silly.... why hadn't I paid more attention? I knew it was hot. I sure don't want to admit to Reagan that I did that...... "

These thoughts were quickly followed by the intense sting of a burn.

I grabbed some of the blue, aloe vera, burn gel from the refrigerator and applied a small amount to the burn. Immediately, the cold gel brought comfort and relief that spread and covered the searing sting.

As I sat nursing my wounds, the thought hit me that we all have been "burned" in ways other than the physical. Burns from broken promises, taunting lies, haunting failures and stabbing words carry every bit as much pain. These burns, too, are followed by an internal argument....

"Why did I trust them? How could I have gone there? I knew better than to believe.... "

Haven't we all been there at some point?

Where does our healing come? It comes from the Lord-the maker of heaven and earth. His healing also brings comfort, relief and long awaited peace- that spreads far within our soul until all discomfort is vanquished. Sometimes His healing is total and complete in one application of His grace and mercy. Sometimes, however, the pain returns as someone inadvertently "bumps" our weakness. His healing balm can be reapplied to our hurts and crushed dreams.... over and over.... as long as it takes to reach the complete healing we need. Just as my physical burn will take repeated applications of gel and time to heal.

I am so thankful for God's complete healing in previous "burns" in my life. I am thankful, too, for His peace and mercy that helps me to extend grace to those who are still in the midst of pain. We are not meant to suffer, but to simply recognize our need for the Great Healer.

Saying Goodbye.

I grew up in the small Texas town of Dublin. If you were to drive through the town, you might not think much of it. We had two stoplights, a Dairy Queen, Duncan drug store, and Johnson's store. It is really a "Mayberry" like town with loving, friendly people who are willing to work hard to make a living for their family. I was blessed to have it etched in the background of my childhood... true, real, rural upbringing.

Dublin has had two sources of great pride- our once a year St. Patrick's Day festivities and our Dublin Dr. Pepper bottling plant which produced the only pure cane sugar version of Dr. Pepper for over 100 years.

I have always loved Dr. Pepper and it is honestly the only soda that I would drink. My husband even had to commit to Dr. Pepper to seal the deal with me before we married... (you have to have your priorities right). It, however, has always been more than just a soda to me... it is part of my upbringing, my childhood, my core. Dublin Dr. Pepper was, for many of us, vital.... we didn't have the best parks, best movie theaters, tons of restaurants, countless shopping options, but we did have OUR Dr. Pepper. People would come from hours away just to get what we could have daily. Suddenly, we were honored and special to live in such a place. Even to this day, when I take a sweet sip of a Dublin Dr. Pepper.... ahhh.... I am home again.

On Wednesday, January 11, Dublin Dr. Pepper lost its court battle to expand its territory with a new licensing agreement with the Dr. Pepper Snapple group. Faced with increasing costs to produce the Dublin Dr. Pepper, the owners had to sell out and let it go. When I heard the news, I felt such a grief kin to losing a dear friend. Suddenly, a light of pride was gone and I could do nothing about it. You see, the Dr. Pepper Snapple group will gain a mere 1% of profit from this decision, but our town will lose so much more. It feels like such a punch in the gut for hard working, small- town Americans just trying to make ends meet. Even more than that, it crushes a town that just wanted to continue to hold on to its tradition and pride.

I will be praying for the 14 families that lost their jobs yesterday and for all of us that lost a part of ourselves when the last bottle clanged off the line yesterday. Goodbye, dear friend.

Press On

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 13-14

This morning, while I was having my morning devotional, I read this scripture. I began to pray, and was thanking God and rejoicing in how I could leave my past behind. I think that most individuals have memories in the past that we are glad to leave behind .... things we shouldn't have said, actions we shouldn't have done, thoughts that should have never entered our mind and so forth. This verse can be liberating when you are plagued with memories of your personal shortcomings.

Then, God brought a thought to mind.....

What about your "trophy" memories? What about all the times you accomplished things in the past? Are you still looking back at all those successes and triumphs and missing what God is calling you to right now?

hmmm....

These are the moments when you find yourself saying....

" I graduated at the top of my class.....",

"I was the star athlete on the ________ team....",

"I won the 'Best Actress' award.....",

" I worked at________ and made quite a living doing that......",

" I won this award while I was at that company....."

It hit me that looking back at my personal accomplishments was still looking back. Now, looking back at all that God has done for us is such an encouragement when we are struggling in a situation. Our memories of how God had provided in previous situations helped us get through the four months that Reagan was off work. I believe that type of looking back/reflection is God honoring. What I felt convicted of today was the looking back at MY accomplishments.... my mental trophies so to speak. If we focus on all that we were back a few years ago, then we aren't giving our best to what God has for us today.

Reagan and I enjoy watching the show, "Good Luck Charlie" on the Disney Channel. This is not a Christian show and at times we have to discuss parts of it with our kids, but there are parts of it that make us laugh till our sides hurt. I think because it often shows human nature at its best and worst. The mother on the show (Amy Duncan) cannot get past her glorious high school days. Often, she reflects back on how incredible her high school experience was; however, in the process she loses so many opportunities to connect and help her kids.

I think this is what God was trying to help me realize today. No matter what happened in the past- whether good or bad- let our focus be on what God wants from me in the present. I don't want to miss opportunities because I was shining old trophies or nursing scars from the past.

Thank you, God, for this day and for these opportunities.....

Grace for Today

Last night, as I sat watching a 9/11 special, I heard an all too familiar sound coming from Caleb's room. Immediately, my heart sunk as I walked in to find him in the midst of a seizure. Having dealt with his Epilepsy for several years now, I have the head knowledge to know what to do for him physically..... place him in a safe space, time it, watch to make sure he can still breathe and not sufficate or choke as vomiting is inevitable.....

But, will I ever not be shaken emotionally?

My heart still isn't used to seeing my precious son's body shaking violently and not being able to stop it. To see his eyes look black and lifeless and know that he isn't "there," and watching him suffer for hours afterwards due to a migraine-like headache.

After each episode, Reagan and I find ourselves hoping and questioning Caleb's future..... Will he be able to drive? Will he be able to function and work to provide for himself? Will he marry? In the past, our hope that he would out-grow this condition and be able to make it without medication would encourage us, but not lately. Our hope is fading for that all-inclusive-no-strings-attached miracle. He may always require medication in order to control this condition.

Today, God spoke to my grieving heart and reassured me that whatever He has planned for Caleb will include his Epilepsy. God designed every detail of my son and this condition did not "slip past" God. He planned this for Caleb. He is not flawed or broken. He is designed by the most loving, caring creator and this condition will not prevent Caleb from experiencing anything God has for him to do or accomplish. This will make him stronger. I think it is making our family stronger. The real miracle here may not be in the healing of this ailment, but in our thriving despite it. There are still many questions, and I cannot answer them at this point. However, I know that God loves Caleb and has his best interest at heart and that is enough to get through today, tomorrow and the numerous days ahead.

So, I praise Him for the adventure that still is to come and for the grace I need today.

These are the moments.....

These are the moments that happen every morning.... that I am so thankful for.

These are the faces that make me smile, laugh, and drive me crazy.

And I wouldn't change a thing....

I love you Caleb, Carson and Kendall.

Proud Momma

I have to take a moment to share a proud Momma moment. This year Carson, our second son, wasn't turning 5 until November 2; so, we couldn't start public Kindergarten until next year. As many of you know, we homeschool our oldest son and I thought that this year might be a good trial year with Carson. First, to see if I could even homeschool two as well as keep up with Kendall. Second, to see if we could survive it without major meltdowns... from him as well as me!

Surprisingly, this year has gone so well. He has really picked up on everything so quickly and I have been blown away. He was SO ready to start school and our waiting another year to do anything wouldn't have been good for him.

On Wednesday, Carson, brought me a book that he had been working on for a couple of days.... now, this book was not a beginning reader book- it was an actual Thomas the Train book. He read it from cover to cover with no help from me. I teared up a little as he read with such confidence and inflection. It was a precious moment and it was so special because we, as a family, were his teachers that helped him achieve this goal.

I do not believe that homeschooling is for everyone and we have determined to pray each year about what God would have us to do with each of our children. In those precious moments, however, I am so thankful that I got to be one of the first to experience that with him as a whole new world has opened to him.... the world of books and reading. It is also in those precious moments that I know- without a doubt- that I am exactly where God wants me to be.... I don't earn a large paycheck and some weeks are harder than others, but this is the journey and calling that God has for us as a family... at this place and time.

Oh, and I LOVE it.....

Take a Drink

I admit it.... I don't really like water. Okay, I love it for hot showers, washing clothes, and cooking, but when it comes to drinking it.... well, it is all I can do to swallow. I simply drink water because I know I need to for my health and because it is free of calories. I have found, however, that if I use some water flavoring with some fruit flavors that I not only drink my water, but I also enjoy it. You are probably thinking to yourself right now.... okay, so? Today has been a hard day for me. Some circumstances of life really had me down and I truly cried out to the Lord saying, "God I don't want this test/trial. We have had our fair share..... I am tired and weary, Lord. Please don't make me deal with this....." Tonight, as I was drinking a glass of water I realized that just as I need the water for my physical body, I also need trials and tests for my spiritual health. I would love to live a life free of stressful, complicated relationships, physical illnesses or disease, financial worries, unending work......but it is through my imperfect world that I come to see my desperate need for a perfect Savior. When life is going smoothly, I don't feel that longing to spend time with Him through the study of His word and in prayer. When my world feels out of control, I need Him as much as the air in my lungs. Just as the water flavoring helps make the water easier to get down, having friends and fellowship with other believers also helps make those times of trial and testing easier, bearable. When you know that others have traveled down the same road you are now traveling or are perhaps joining you on the journey, the trial isn't as bad... sometimes it even becomes a little sweet as bonds are formed and memories made. I will eventually get my trial and pain free existence.... it is called heaven. When I get there, all that I have "suffered" here will be but a distant memory and it will be an incredible time of true worship of the Father. As much as my soul longs for that, I have much more to learn here.... so, I raise my glass and drink....