Mother's Day: A Lesson in Contentment



Okay, I have to admit that I have often had mixed emotions regarding Mother's Day.  Don't get me wrong- I have been blessed with a wonderful mother!  I could spend an entire blog just on how much she sacrificed and did for us as children.  She has always been a godly example for me and I couldn't be more blessed by the Lord to have been raised under her teaching.  I have also been blessed with an incredible mother in law- so much so that I truly see her as my second mother.  Over the years, she has been such an incredible blessing in my life.  It is for these reasons that I love honoring and blessing my mothers. 

However, in the past Mother's Day was hard for me.  As a single woman, it was just another reminder that I was still not married.  As a young wife, it was a reminder that I was still not a mother- which I wanted so very much.  As a young mother, I often struggled if the day didn't live up to the Hallmark commercial standards.  I think some of you can relate..... Perhaps your dreams of being married, having children or having a picture perfect celebration have just fallen short.  The deep hurt and longing to hold a child of your own- for many women- is a pain that tears at our very fiber and being.  As women, God so designed us to carry and nurture children and to not be able to fulfill that design makes us question our value and validity. 

After having Caleb, we felt God's leading to adopt, and so began the process.  Several months, sleepless nights and tears in, we still did not have all the needed finances.  I SO desperately wanted to be a mother again, but I also wanted to be obedient to God's calling.  Finally, God brought me to a point of helplessness when I realized I couldn't make an adoption happen anymore than I could make a pregnancy happen.  I knew if God really meant for us to adopt, then He would prevent any pregnancies in order for us to fulfill what He had for us- yet, the adoption had reached a dead in as well.... so, I reached a point of letting go.  Letting go of my plans, dreams, and expectations- we just trusted God to create our family however He chose.  Three months later, Carson was on his way and I have to trust that God still had a plan for that part of our journey with Him.

I share this because I know the deep longing for child and how painful Mother's Day can be for those in a similar situation.  I have also been so looking forward to Mother's Day and so disappointed when things just didn't turn out like I had expected.  I teasingly said yesterday, "Mother's Day just isn't complete without someone getting a spanking."  Let's be honest, Hallmark type commercials are not real life! Sometimes, your loved ones forget, your kids are fussy and disappointments prevail.  

This weekend could have been one of those weekends for me.  Reagan and I had plans to go to a homeschool bookfair this weekend- which I always enjoy- and my parents had agreed to keep the boys.  It looked like we were going to go on a couple of date nights while they were visiting in Dublin.  I was very excited!  We had a great evening Friday shopping for my mother's day gift and I awoke with great excitement and anticipation on Saturday.  Alas, things didn't go as planned, Reagan became so very sick around noon while at the homeschool bookfair and we had to leave shortly afterward.  My evening consisted of tending to my sick husband, take-out, and a chick flick on television.  On Sunday, I went to church alone, got my free carnation from church and met my parents for a wonderful meal in Granbury.

The crazy part in all this is that one prevailing emotion filled me...... contentment.  It honestly shocked me how peaceful and happy I felt all weekend.   Reagan kept apologizing for disappointing me after our weekend turned out so differently and I kept reassuring him that I was fine.  Honestly, I have so much to be thankful for: a husband who dearly loves me, boys that still want to spend time with me, all our needs are met, and I have an incredible family that supports me.  Sure, I wish things would have turned out a little differently, but I felt such peace and contentment that only comes from the Father.  Through the Holy Spirit, we can have contentment in ALL circumstances, but we will never have enough will power or strength to make it happen on our own.  We must reach the end of our self in order for Him to fill us with His peace, joy, and contentment.... so, when our world disappoints, fails us, or leaves us crushed that we lean on His unending supply.  We just have to get to the point where we trust God so much that we are willing to let go of our dreams and let Him full our hands with Him- His will, His plans, His dreams for us and suddenly we can understand that contentment isn't having it all but being thankful for all.

I read this scripture today, "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are- no more, no less.  That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Matthew 5:5 MSG

Nothing on earth will last and we can't take it with us, and I would rather find peace in each day rather than grappling over what I think I need to fulfill me.  Only God truly knows what I need  and I have to choose, daily, His will and plans over mine.  Let go of that heartache, my friend, and let God show you His plan for your life- there is never so much joy than when you release your self and immerse yourself in the Father.  Let go and let God.....

For My Boys....

From the moment I took the test and saw two distinct lines...

I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment the first waves of nausea hit and I was so sick for hours on end....

I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment we first saw your little heart beating on the computer screen at our first sonogram..... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment we heard the technician say, "It's a boy!".....  I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment the heartburn was so bad and I was eating mints constantly.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment I was not sleeping each night due to be so uncomfortable with the end of the pregnancy.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment the labor started and the pain was so intense.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment we first saw you and our eyes cried happy tears.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment your cries for food, sleep, pain and discomfort kept me from a decent night's slumber.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first smiled at us.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment my ears first heard you babble random sounds.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first reached out for me to hold you... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first wrapped your arms around my neck and squeezed me tight.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you took your first steps and we were waiting to catch you.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first ran from me and I had to catch you...
I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first got angry at me and said words that broke my heart... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment you first apologized and ran to me in guilt... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment when I first had to let you fail and it about killed me.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment when I first had to let you fly solo on an adventure without me... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment I was afraid I had lost you and I was scared out of my mind... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment I witnessed you become a child of God and there was so much joy that I thought my heart would burst.... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

From the moment when I first caught a glimpse of the man you will be... I knew I loved you and I was your mother.

I know we all have many more moments ahead of us, but God has brought us so far already and I just wanted you to know....

I love you and I am so thankful to be your mother!

A meal out....

Last Thursday, we made plans to meet Reagan for dinner since we had several commitments that evening and Mom really didn't want to come home and prepare dinner at 8 o'clock in the evening. After many suggestions, we decided to eat at Chick-Fil-A (which is one of our favorite restaurants). Our meal was good and conversation was full of fun, honest banter. Later, as we were leaving, I drove past a nice, sit down restaurant full of couples and families enjoying their meals and a small part of me wished for a time when we would eat at places that didn't have a playground for the kids. You know those kind of places where you sit down at a table to place your order rather than stand in a line at a counter???


Don't get me wrong, we do eat at those kind of places, but it isn't very often. Why is that? Well, part of the reason is that we now have two growing boys that eat A LOT and it is cheaper to feed them at fast food establishments. Another part of the reason is that fast food restaurants are more accommodating, at times, to families and their needs-an indoor playground is such a treat especially in this hot Texas heat. I also figure that if you are eating at Wendy's, McDonalds, CFA, and etc... you are not planning to have a nice, quiet, romantic dinner- in fact, if you eat at these places you expect a certain amount of chaos and noise.


This is what I realized.... this is my life right now. (Isn't that a deep, complicated thought for your day?!?!) This time of my life full of hungry boys which is often a little chaotic and loud is fleeting. It will not last. There will be a time when the house stays clean, laundry doesn't pile up in mounds, and I will cook for two instead of an army. I will enjoy that time, but it will have shades of sadness because it will mean that my boys have grown and are living individual lives. I am choosing to appreciate the noise of my boys playing in the next room and cooking for an army as well as laundry that seems to never end. I am choosing to cherish this time of my life knowing that it will change all too quickly. Quiet, sit down dinners (with just Reagan) will come and our montage of fast food establishments may fade........ truthfully, I may need another CFA sandwich just to watch a young mother with her precious crew.... and let the memories flood me of my own chaotic season of life- the part of my life that I am living now.