Beyond the Messes

Some mornings are crazy around here!  We started homeschooling again yesterday and I have been trying to get up before the boys in order to have my quiet time, get dressed, and have breakfast started.  This morning, the boys awoke earlier than I anticipated and the craziness started early.  Caleb had a trash bag explode on him while taking the trash out and we had the pleasure of cleaning up egg shells, coffee grinds, banana peels and the like from our driveway.  Then, Kendall who decided last night that he would say, "Bye-bye diapers" and would like to wear his big boy underwear had his first accident.  In the process of cleaning that up he decided that he did not, in fact, want to say "Bye-bye diapers", but would rather say, "Bye-bye underwear."  All this and it wasn't even 8:15!?!?

I love my boys and even in the midst of all the accidents and messes, I see all the possibilities- their potential- and that is what I focus on when our world seems so unclear and just downright messy.  Instead, I see what my hope and prayer for them is to become-godly men with strong values, gentle hearts and full of potential- through Christ's enabling- to change the world.  I see the influence they could have and my heart fills with love and compassion.... enough to handle each messy situation and go on to the next one. 

I think that is what held Christ on the cross and what motivated the Father to give His Son as a sacrifice for our sins.... He saw our potential.  He, being all knowing, sees the full potential in all of us and that is the driving force behind His love and patience with us.  He deals with our messes and stays focused on what we will become and all the future holds for us.  The moments when we yield our plans to His will, the moments we give of ourselves to bring life and joy to others, the moments we break free from sins that had been strongholds for years, and moments when we just praise Him because our cup is so full we can't help but lavish our love on our Savior.   Those moments are what drive Him to give all in pursuit of such wayward creations.  He loves us, friend, He loves us.  Never question His love or patience for you- no matter the depth of your sin- He still sees your potential and He still seeks after that relationship with you. 

Too often, what is the saddest is that we don't see our potential..... my boys don't realize what incredible possibilities are ahead of them.  Kendall certainly doesn't see a life without diapers as an option, but I do.  My friend, you may not see what God could do with you- with your life- but God does.  I guess it comes down to one question.... Do you trust Him?  To trust Him means accepting that you still have more potential and possibilities in your future to do more than you could ever imagine.  So, I ask again- do you trust Him?

The First Worship Experience

This morning as I studied, I read a devotional by Max Lucado where he discussed the first time the disciples worshipped Christ together.  It was following an experience when they, in the midst of a terrible storm, watched Him walk out to them on the sea.  After Peter joined him for a short time and had to be saved when his fears overtook him, Christ and Peter entered the boat again.  He calmed the waves and storm at that point and the disciples marveled at Him... and finally recognized Him as the Son of God and began to worship Him together.

The interesting thing to me is that they had witnessed so much in the days and weeks beforehand.  As I scrolled through the scriptures I found many healings, miracles and events that would testify to Jesus' true identity occurring before the eyes of the disciples.  One time even included a similar event when they were traveling by boat to a new location and a fierce storm came upon them.  Christ was sleeping in the boat when they awoke Him fearful for their lives.  He rebuked the wind and waves and everything calmed.  They, standing amazed, wondered, "Who is this man? Even the wind and waves obey him!" (Matthew 8:27 NLT)  It is too easy for us to wonder to ourselves, what took them so long?  Yet, we all have been there.  We have all stared in the face of Christ and seen His true identity and yet walked away unchanged.  Sometimes we walk away because the cost of obedience seems too much or too hard.  We walk away because we are afraid to open ourselves up to Him because we are afraid of the changes that would come. 

I read a wonderful Beth Moore quote from her devotion book, Praying God's Word Day by Day, which she stated, "Ordinarily, the primary hindrance to satisfaction in our lives is refusing Him access to our empty places."  Too often we hold back and walk away from all that Christ would have for us because we are afraid to let Him see our "empty places"... places- dead to sin, wounded by this world and hurting. 

Here is what I wonder about the disciples.... what was the difference between the first and second boat experiences for them?  Why did they go from, "Who is this man?" to "You really are the Son of God!" (Matthew 14:33 NLT).  I think in their first experience they for the first time had their eyes opened and really began to see that this man was something special- not just a prophet.  By the second boat experience, they had witnessed countless lives changed by this man.  People healed.  Dead brought back to life.  Brokenness made whole.  Then, with fresh new alert eyes they turned to Him and pleaded in desperation for God to save them from the waters that threatened them.  At that point, the fear of not being saved was greater than the fear of Him seeing the empty places hidden so deep within.  So, desperate cries were answered when He stilled the waves and in full complete recognition of who He truly was and is, they worshipped Him together for the first time.

I learned from this that we all have to get  to a place where our desperation for His healing and transformation is stronger than our desire to keep sin and struggles hidden.  I love how honest, beautiful worship of the Father often follows times when He steps in and saves us from ourselves...we can't help it- we must praise the One that saved us!  I never want to forget those moments in my life!  On the days when I reflect on all that He has carried me through, praise for Him just pours forth from my soul and I fall in love with Him all over again.  He took my desperation and brought healing- complete and total.  Daily He provides all that I need for the moments ahead and I know that He is ever by my side.  How could I not praise Him? 

Friend, I do not know where you are right now.  Maybe you are still watching from the sidelines and you see lives being changed, but you are just not sure.  Maybe you are in the midst of a desperate time and are crying out to Him for salvation from it.  Perhaps you are reflecting on He has done for you and praising Him for the journey you have traveled together.  This I know- no matter where you are- you are but one breath away from Him- cry out in need, prayer, and praise of this wonderful Savior!  He has never failed you and His faithfulness endures forever.  Glory!

I read the passages sharing these two experiences from the book of Matthew in chapter 8 as well as chapter 14.  Please feel free to read and check it out for yourself.  Have a  blessed day!

Engraved on the Hand of God

Loneliness....Abandoned.... Forgotten.... Sadly, while most of us have experienced these emotions in our lives for a period of time; a rare few, seem to have these emotions stamped throughout their lifetimes.   We seem them around us each day- often trying to fill the void with other things.  Some may fill it with success, some may fill it with food, some may fill it with beauty products, some may fill it with sex, and some ultimately fill it with bitterness.  The feeling that they were never good or special enough to be valued and appreciated plagues them and affects most areas of their life.  We all want to know that we are valued and important to someone.... to be esteemed.  Too often, we try to seek this value through earthly things, but those things fail.  The value we seek is found through our relationship with Christ that leads us to God.

Today, I read a scripture in Isaiah 49:14-16.  It said, "But Zion said,'The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.'  Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."  NIV   

I also love the wording from the NLT version for verse 16 and it says, "See I have written your name on my hand.  Ever before me is a picture of Jerusalem's walls in ruins."

In these scriptures, God's chosen people (the Israelites) had not been honoring their God... in many ways they had walked away from Him.  The feelings of being forsaken and forgotten came from their seeking to live lives away from God.  They, for a time, tried to find fulfillment through the pagan world, but it left them feeling empty and crying out to God.  I just love God's response to them as He reassures them that He never forgot them.  He compares it to a mother forgetting a child nursing in her arms- could she forget her child?  Never!  And, he says, even if that did happen- I would never forget you- see you are written on my hands!  As a child, I would often write down things I really needed to remember on my hands because while I might forget other things, my hand would always be with me as a constant reminder.  I almost had to chuckle as I thought of God writing my name on His hands- a constant reminder of His love for me.

As I researched this verse more, I found something interesting.  The word "engraved" is used similarly in two other passages in the Old Testament.  First, it is found in Genesis 38:18 in place of the "seal" that Judah left with a temple prostitute in promise of a payment who turned out to be his former daughter-in-law. (And you thought scriptures were boring!)  Tamar, his daughter-in-law, had been mistreated by Judah and took matters in her own hand.   She collected his "seal" which was his identifying mark for documents and such- literally, it was like his signature on things- until a payment was brought to her.  A few months later she used his seal to prove to him and everyone around her that he was the Father of the children she was carrying.  In a way, she was saying you signed this act-now accept the outcome.

The second place where "engraved" is found is in Exodus 28:9 when God is describing how Aaron and the priests were to be adorned and He had them carve the names of the twelve tribes of Israel on stones to be put on the outfit to be worn by the priests.  This was a way of marking the priests with the heritage and history that God had with Israel, his chosen people. 

So, basically God says to Israel, your seal and engraved name is on my hand- how could I forget you?  Glory!  That blesses me so much because when Christ died on the cross, He made a way for anyone to become God's chosen children.  If you have accepted Christ, God made you part of His chosen family and your name, too, was sealed and engraved on His hand.  You cannot be forgotten- you are a part of Him.
The other wonderful thought in this verse is that Christ is marked by a scar on the palm of His hand that bought my freedom from sin.  When Christ died on the cross, He was nailed on the cross by his palms.   In a way, Isaiah 49:16 foreshadows that event.  I even have to ponder and think that every time Christ looks upon his scars, He thinks of us- the redeemed in the Lord who He died to save.  Glory! 

Do you need to know that you are loved, my friend?  Do you need to know that your life has value and importance when all else leaves you longing for something more?  All you have to do is look upon His hands, and see your name in the scars....my friend, you are loved so much more than you can imagine and will never be forgotten!

Zaccheaus the Tree Climber (Part 2)

Yesterday, I began to share the study God put on my heart to re-visit about the tax collector Zaccheaus and his experience meeting Jesus.  I realized just how disliked tax collectors were at that time and how even his wealth couldn't buy him a good position when wanting to view Jesus and he was forced to climb a tree.  I still believe that he carried an internal desperation to want to see this miracle man Jesus that would drive him up a tree.  Surprisingly, Jesus knew Zaccheaus' name despite there being no introduction- Jesus who is God- knew Zaccheasus already.  He called him by name and stated that he, the Christ, would be going to Zaccheaus' house that very day.  What an honor!  We are continuing our study in Luke 19:1-10.

One thing I did note, however, was that Jesus didn't say, "Hey, go clean up your house before I come.... say how about I give you an hour?".  Jesus didn't give him that option because Zaccheaus didn't need it.  You see, Christ never asks us to clean up before He comes.  He says bring me your mess and mistakes- let me take them from you and give you a new hope and a new future that includes me. Sometimes we think we have to get our lives together before we invite Jesus into it.... Friend, do you ever think we can get that prepared?  Honestly, no, we can't, but God doesn't ask us to.  For Him, it isn't a burden for us to give Him all our "junk"- it is a joy because He sees that we trust Him to take it and make our lives beautiful. 

Immediately, there were murmurs from the crowd.  How could Christ go to the home of such a sinner- someone who has hurt so many?  Surely there were far more individuals worth His time instead of a tax collector.  My friend, there are two lessons here for us.  First, when we come to the saving knowledge of Christ there may be some murmurs.... some may not believe that you have changed.  Sadly, while God redeems our hearts and lives others may cling to our past.  I encourage you to stand firm in Christ- do not be discouraged.  Eventually, they will come to see the difference within and will see the miracle God did inside you.  Do not grow weary in trying to prove yourself to others- focus on what God calls you to do and live your life to please Him.  Secondly, as believers we must exercise caution when the temptation to judge another's motive arises.  Only God and that individual know if a true transformation has taken place and we need to do our best to support their growth and discipleship without casting judgement upon them.  Many new believers need time, patience and kindness to grow in their knowledge of Christ- downcast eyes will not build their faith.  Support, even in just prayer, will help them mature and grow stronger in their relationship with Christ.  We must be diligent to watch ourselves because it is so easy to lose focus of the big picture and fall to the temptation to gossip and judge.

When Zaccheaus- in the presence of His Savior- heard these murmurings, he immediately made retribution for the sins he had committed.  I think in the true presence of Christ, all of us become more aware of the sin in our lives- the light from His glory makes them more easily seen.  Zaccheaus didn't have to clean up his mess to come to Jesus, but in light of his transformed heart, he felt moved and compelled to make a mends to those he had hurt.  Christ accepts us "as is", but that doesn't mean that all our problems just disappear.  We will still have to deal with some of our past decisions, but we now do it with Christ- not alone.  Consequences from previous mistakes may remain, but now you will have the strength of Christ- through the Holy Spirit- within you to help you.  Zaccheaus still had to deal with the fact that he had hurt many people, but now he did it with the support, help and guidance of Christ.  He, as a result, paid individuals 4 times what he had cheated them out of and gave half of his wealth to the poor in need. The money that had been his entire world was holding him captive, but Christ in a matter of seconds had set him free!  Someone who loved money more than anything found that having freedom in Christ exceeded the storehouse of coins he held so dear.  When you truly find the freedom from the sin that has held you so captive through Christ; you will cling to Him with all your might, because all else pales in light of that love. 

Christ reminds us that He came for those of us that were lost in our sin; those of us searching for more in this life.  A lost people searching for significance and hope become His chosen.  In Him we find peace, joy, hope, a future, freedom, and love beyond all that we have ever experienced.  Never doubt that the message spoken in honor of a unworthy tax collector still rings true today.  The freedom Zaccheaus found is still available- just place your worn and tattered dreams, failures, insecurities, hurts, disappointments and longings at His feet.  He will lift your head and give you dignity, a future and a priceless hope- never again will you feel unwanted.   You are the chosen redeemed from a love that gave all to give you all.  Like Zaccheaus, just seek to see Him!

Zacchaeus the Tree Climber (Part 1)

Several years ago God led me to the passage of scriptures describing the events surrounding Zacchaeus and his meeting with Christ.  Many of us grew up singing the song..."Zacchaeus was a wee little man, a wee little man was he.  He climbed up in a sycamore tree for the Lord he wanted to see, for the Lord he wanted to see.  And as the Savior passed that way, he looked up in the tree... and he said, 'Zacchaeus, You come down- for I am going to your house today.  For I am going to your house today!'"  I bet some of you are singing it right now!  I grew up with the story of Zacchaeus- this poor height deprived man who had to climb a tree to see Jesus.  When I took the time to really study this passage, God helped me relate to it in a more personal way.  Recently, God pulled me to study this passage again.

I encourage you to read Luke 19:1-10 which describes when Zacchaeus had a life changing appointment with the Son of Man.  Zacchaeus was a tax collector- a very wealthy tax collector.  Jewish people during this time did not care for tax collectors because they often felt cheated by those in that profession.  In my NLT Life Application Bible, one reference to this passage states: "To finance their great world empire, the Romans levied heavy taxes on all nations under their control.  The Jews opposed these taxes because they supported a secular government and its pagan gods, but they were still forced to pay. Tax collectors were among the most unpopular people in Israel. Jews by birth, they choose to work for Rome and were considered traitors.  Besides, it was common knowledge that tax collectors were making themselves rich by gouging their fellow Jews." 

So, it is easy to understand that Zacchaeus was not a very popular person among his fellow citizens.  Due to his being named a chief tax collector, another resource indicates that he was in charge of a district and that he had other collectors under him.  I can just imagine that his extreme wealth was matched only by the extreme displeasure others had for him.  Can you relate?  Have you ever had to deal with someone that just seemed to take advantage every chance they could and yet, they always seemed to benefit?  They rarely seem to have consequences for their actions and yet others suffer for them?  I think we have all had to deal with some of that before and it seems to stir a justifiable anger within us.  It is important to understand that Zacchaeus was a man that others despised.  He was a traitor to his people and benefited from their sacrifice and suffering.

Zacchaeus heard all the excitement of Jesus Christ coming into town.  He was curious- maybe he had heard of all the miraculous things that Christ had done and wanted to see this miracle worker for himself.  Perhaps he- who loved money- wanted to see what would drive some men to abandon all to just follow this healer.  Maybe he had all the wealth that one could possibly need and yet there was still something missing.  Whatever the reason, Zacchaeus found himself on the road to Jericho that day wanting to see this God man Jesus. 

Zacchaeus was short.  This I can relate to!! I still struggle sometimes to see over tall people who sit in front of me at the movies and I have to get a chair to get down the dishes in my top kitchen cabinet.  I will soon look up to my sons and rarely find anyone over the age of 13 who is shorter than I am.  So, I can feel a little sympathetic to his need to see over the crowd.  I think as Jesus drew closer, his desperation to see Christ grew and grew until he climbed a tree- longing only to catch a glance of this man.  None in the crowd would give their position up- especially to such a tax collector.  He might have wealth and means, but even money couldn't buy a good position to see the Savior.  To be honest, I think God had stirred a longing- a desperate need- in Zaccheaus to see this Christ.  Have you ever been that desperate to see Christ?  To see Him working in a broken relationship or to see Him supply a need?  I have been at that place, when I just needed - as much as the air in my lungs- to see Jesus.  To cling to His promises and place my hope in His everlasting word.  I think that was what drove Zacchaeus up in a tree-  straining to see the man Jesus. 

As Jesus came to where Zacchaeus was, I can almost visualize as He stopped, paused and looked up at Zacchaeus.  Even if he didn't know much about Christ, I still can imagine that his heart stopped for a second and he held his breath as his eyes met the eyes of Christ.  What do you think he saw in those eyes- compassion?  love?  kindness?  Then Jesus spoke, "Zacchaeus!  Come down!  For I must be a guest at your house today."  First, recognize that despite no formal introduction, Christ knew Zacchaeus' name.  He knew his name just as he knows my name and he knows yours as well.  Friend, we serve such a loving gracious God that He takes the time to know our name.  Psalm 139 states that before we were born all our days were written in His knowledge.  He knows us that intimately and saw each of us being knit together in the womb of our mother.  I am sure that Zacchaeus had heard his name stated in many ways, but none more beautiful than when this man from Galilee spoke it. 

Beyond knowing him by name, Christ states that he wants to be a guest in Zacchaeus' home.  Can 
you imagine what an honor?  Immediately, our tree climber comes down in order to take Jesus to his house.  It is an honor to have anyone come to your house, but to have the Savior want to enter into your home and stay with you.  As a family, we try to "invite" Jesus into our home each day by spending time in His word and by praying to Him at various times during the day.  We also have scriptures throughout our home as well as reflecting Him and His character in our conversations through the day.  He also takes residence in our hearts for those who have asked Christ to forgive their sins and long to live their lives in obedience and gratitude of His sacrifice.  I think his asking to visit Zacchaeus' home merely reflected his true intention- which was to take residence in His heart. 

Tomorrow, if you will bear with me, we will finish looking at this passage.  I am praying that wherever you are today, that God whispers your name and that he makes your heart His home.  That you can take whatever desperate need you have and turn it over to the Savior who knows every detail of your life and loves you more than any other.  My friend, do you hear Him calling?

What is my portion?

To be honest- almost painfully so- I have sat here for several minutes waiting for the words to come.  Often, as I sit ready to share with you the words just seem to pour forth from a heart over brimming with all that God has taught and shared with me that day.  Today, I confess, that has not been the case.  I sit in the deafening silence of my room struggling within to express what it seems only the heart truly can understand.  This morning I have just needed to hear that my God is still God- that His words and promises are true and that His faithfulness is everlasting.  Have you ever been there?

There is nothing life shattering taking place in my world- I have a wonderful, loving husband and three good kids- not perfect, but good.  Our needs are met, and we have a little extra each month to enjoy freely, but I just need the reassurance that in the midst of living that God is my life and my portion.  I read a few days ago a devotion by Max Lucado where he talked with a man who had nothing- absolute nothing- but God in his life.  God was all he had and all he really needed.   The unnamed man said, "I have my faith.  It's all I have.  But it's all I need.  I have kept the faith." (When God Whispers Your Name)  In another reading the scripture from Lamentations 3: 22-24 drew my attention.... "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him".

These words have blessed and challenged me all at the same time..... what is my portion?  Have I kept the faith beyond all the things this world would offer and tempt me with?  Reagan and I felt God's leading several years ago for me to stay at home and homeschool our children.  While this is not a calling for everyone, it was the calling He put on our heart for our children.  Sometimes I struggle as I look at all the experiences and extras that other families lavish on their children and I become clouded in doubt and tempted to question the sacrifices we have made.  Have we given them enough?  We could have a larger house and travel more.... and my mind drifts to all the things I seem to "lack" in our current state.

Then God pursues me with this question, "Am I your portion?  Will you keep the faith?"  At the end of my life, when all the temporary has passed away- what will be left?  What jewels will be left after the the ashes have cleared?  I want it to be said that I kept the faith and that God was my portion.  I desire for God to grow and swell in me a desire for Him- that my heart couldn't help but long for the things of Him.  He in me is what will last beyond my days- if I can only pass on one thing to my children, let it be my faith!  Let it be my passionate love for the Savior.  Let my eyes and heart see and distinguish what is temporary from what will last beyond time. God, stir this longing and desire in me!  Let God be my portion and my cup- let that be my fulfillment in a world that would have me thirst for more of the temporary.

Psalm 16 speaks so directly to this and I encourage you to read the Psalm in its entirety, but let me share a few verses from it:
" The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.  The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."  Psalm 16:5-6  ESV

" You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11  ESV

I do have a beautiful inheritance that will last beyond time and will not pass away.  Let me realize that in my portion, there is life and joy!  God, thank you for the reminder to focus on You and not all the things I am tempted to long for- they are but inadequate attempts by the evil one to lure me away from my true inheritance which is only found in You.

I hope you enjoy this song by Fee- it blessed me so much this morning!

An Anchor for our Souls

             

This morning I read the scripture from Hebrews 6:18-19 which says, "So God has given us both his promise and his oath.  These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie.  Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can take new courage, for we can hold on to his promise with confidence.  This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.  It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary." (NLT)

I have had to read it several times today as it is so descriptive and has so much encouragement for us who are in Christ.   First let your mind try to comprehend that God does NOT lie... that is a rare commodity in this world, huh?  His word and His promises are true- they do not fail us.  Has God always done everything I wanted?  No.  Has He failed me? No.  Often times, situations I have faced did not work out how I wanted them to, but often I reflect back with a broader perspective and understand why my preference wasn't really what was best for the situation.  Also, in those times of waiting, He grows me and stretches my faith through life lessons best taught by trial.  Knowing that God holds to His word and promises, gives us courage in the midst of the trial- even when things seem bleak, we know- we KNOW- He never fails us.  We can hold on to His promise with confidence!

Sometimes, we cling to His word and that confidence in Him because that is all we have left.  I have been at that place a few times.  The world seems upside down and I have lost confidence in many things and I am just clinging to Him- desperate for Christ to hold me steady while my world seems to be spinning out of control.  Have you been there?  Most of us have at some point in our faith.  "This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls....."  (Hebrews 6:18a)  I love that word picture.  On a boat, the only way for the boat to not float off from certain point with the current is for the anchor to be put down- the weight of the anchor holds the ship steadfast against the current.  That is what our confidence in God and His promises does for us- they hold us steady against the current of this world and keep us on point with Him.  Glory!  When our world is rocked by life, He is our anchor and keeps us safe and secure from all that would pull us away from God. 

This confidence we have through our relationship with God through Christ allows us to enter His inner sanctuary and bring all requests to Him.  Before Christ, only the priests were allowed into the inner sanctuary to pray for the people of God.  At the moment of Christ's death on the cross, the veil dividing the inner and outer sanctuaries was torn in two giving us the freedom to go to God in prayer without mediation.  Never underestimate that precious gift- the gift of approaching God's throne at anytime, anywhere pleading our heart before our King!! 

My friend, I need this reminder.  Sometimes, there is just a subtle current trying to drift me away from Him, and sometimes it is a raging storm and I am clinging to the anchor holding me to God.  I need to know each day that His promises are true, faithful and dependable.... I need Him- every day of my life, I need Him. 

Do you need an anchor today?  Is life's current pulling at you?  Cling, my friend, to the anchor of your soul!

You are Chosen!

Do you remember the dreaded times in school when teams were being formed to play a game during recess or during PE class?  I so dreaded those moments of waiting to see if you would be chosen and hoping that I would not be last.... being not so athletically minded, I really hated those moments when I felt as though I didn't meet the standard.  It is so hard, especially for children, to see that they have value despite what their friends or others think, and yet, most of us still struggle with it as adults.  This world that we live in doesn't help either- you're not skinny enough, you're house isn't big / good enough, you're job doesn't pay enough, and the list could go on and on.  The focus is on comparison and whether you equal the world's standard especially in looks, power, and money.  The sad thing is that very few meet the standard and then they are compared to each other.... no one truly wins and there are countless that lose their self esteem, value, relationships, and self in the process.

God doesn't see us like that- Glory!  He sees us each as a special, unique and valuable creation and His love for us has no limit!  He loved you so much that His own son was sacrificed just so you could have a relationship with Him..... His own Son.... I love many people in this world, but my own family is priceless to me.  I could not imagine sacrificing any of them for any reason- my love for them is in the marrow of my bones.  It is so inconceivable to me that God would send His Son to death for me... for me.  No one has loved me like that!

He not only did that to give me the choice of a relationship with Him, but He has given me a hope and a future as well as talents and gifts to use for His glory.  As if giving me an eternity in heaven to worship and praise Him wasn't enough, He has given me talents, gifts, and a purpose while here on earth.  His love is that great for us!  For some of you it is the gift of hospitality, the gift of organization, the gift of teaching, the gift of leading, the gift of witnessing, the gift of communication, and again, the list could go on and on.  He has a purpose for you.  You were never a mistake.  He has a plan for your past, present and your future to bring glory to Him; so do what He has called you to do! 

"You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won't spoil.  As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you."  John 15:16

We are valued, chosen and needed because His plan for us was tailor made for us- no one else would fit in our place- it is custom for us.  And when we submerge ourselves in what He has for us we find joy, happiness, contentment, peace, comfort and constant provision for our every need.  If our relationship with Him is healthy, growing and strong, He will meet all our needs and He will honor much of our prayers- this is not due to a twisted favoritism- but if we are that submerged in Him, our wants and wishes will line up with His will.  Our view of needs, wants and wishes will change to reflect His character and values.    Mrs Charles Cowman once said, "Christ is the secret, the source, the substance, the center, and the circumference of all the true and lasting gladness."

Are you looking for love, value, purpose?  God is the source of all that you need- He has given you life, endless love and value, and purpose for life.... You are chosen, my dear friend, you are chosen!

Beauty in Brokenness

As a parent, I am not unfamiliar with the cries of loss as a toy is broken in our home.  Upset, disappointed, and frustrated faces often look to me with the request of fixing the broken in our home- their hope being that I could restore an item to usefulness.  I can identify with them to a certain extent- as often items of mine are broken and damaged in our home.  Can you relate?  Have you had something special to you be broken or damaged? 

It hit me this morning that I think, at times, the true value of something is best seen in its brokenness- only when an item has been lost do we truly recognize the value it had in our lives.  It is true with people too, huh?  Only when we see loved ones fading or passing do we fully recognize what influence they have had on us.  What about the living broken?  Those of us that are broken by life and, yet, try to continue on despite being less than whole?  Perhaps broken by our own sinful decisions, the hurts of others, unforgiveness, physical limitations, or deep sorrow.  You can find these living broken people anywhere- in your job, in your church, in your home.... they are hurting people in search of wholeness.

Thankfully, we have a God who loves making things whole- He takes our brokenness and gives us a restored purpose through His complete healing.  Corrie ten Boom once said, "There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still."  Glory!  He will go the depths to reach His precious children in order to heal and restore them to His purpose for their life.  It was for His children's healing and restoration that God had Christ die on the cross for us- He loves us that much- not to just forgive you of failures, but to heal you and restore you to wholeness and usefulness. 

Scripture says, "He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right.  By his wounds you are healed."  1 Peter 2:24

Healed- not patched- totally healed, whole again, for His purpose in your life.  Scars may remain in our lives and consequences of some of our mistakes may still remain, but our soul is completely whole and healed.  We can then deal with life, our scars, and our consequences far beyond ourselves because we are well spiritually and able to draw on God's strength and power. I think God's healed broken are the strongest vessels He can use because they truly know the depths of His love.

Take heart, my friend, if you are hurting and broken, you are but one breath away from wholeness- just call upon the Savior!  If you are hurting over the brokenness of a loved one- do not give up!  God is fully capable and continue praying on their behalf.  If you are a once broken now healed child of the King- rejoice today!  Do not forget the pit He pulled you from, but rejoice in His healing and restored purpose in your life- praise Him for the beauty in the brokenness!

Love and Trust

In my studies this morning, I read a quote by Beth Moore that stopped me in my tracks.  I had to just sit and let it sink into my groggy thoughts and process it.  To be totally honest, it convicted me .....here it is:

"I not only love God and trust Him, I love trusting Him.  It is a constant reminder of a perpetual miracle in my life."  Beth Moore, Praying God's Word Day by Day .

Read that again..... soak it in..... I can follow Beth on loving God and trusting Him- I absolutely love Him and I do trust Him..... but, to love trusting Him?  That was what stopped me in my tracks.  Do I love trusting Him?  My earthly nature cried out in rebellion against this statement.  I have been through many situations when I had to trust Him because that was all I had, but in the midst of those times, I admit that I didn't love being in that place.  This is what I thought- to love trusting Him meant that I had to love being in situations that required my trusting Him.  Can you identify with my struggle here?

As I pondered and prayed, God walked me through a challenging thought process.  Scripture says -and we all know it to be true- we are to expect troubles.  Life in this world isn't perfect and pretty and as a result, we have troubles. 

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

Heartaches, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, sickness, broken promises, and  this list could go on, couldn't it?  We are very familiar with troubles.  I also look back and stand in awe of God and how He faithfully worked out the troubles in my past- He has been faithful, trustworthy, and perfectly on time.  It overwhelms me to think of His faithfulness to us, as a family.  I feel humbled and loved while so unworthy.  I love Him, yes, and I trust Him, yes, but do I love trusting Him?

Then, it hit me.... in the midst of trouble, at the point when I look to Him and say, "God I give this to You and I trust You in it."- immediately, peace and relief feels me and I am free from that trouble.  When we are in a situation that we are trusting God to work out, there is indescribable peace that this world cannot understand.... in those moments, I do love trusting Him because the burden becomes His not mine.  I don't have to love the troubles to love trusting Him and giving those problems to Him.    As I reflect on my life, just as Beth describes, it is a perpetual miracle of God's design.  So, is your life- if He has saved you, redeemed you, and is growing you in His likeness- you are a continual miracle in process.  Can you fathom where you would be if He hadn't become the lover of your soul?

Today, I am so thankful that I can claim how much I do love and trust Him...and  how I love trusting Him.

Worship Wednesday: Wonder at His Creation!

The air, thick and heavy, this morning greeted me and beckoned me to step out and revel in all that is God's handiwork.  Thankful for the subtle, small breeze that occasionally offered a slight relief and I scanned and looked out upon His work.  Various birds working diligently- as preparing for their day -singing a melodious song as a butterfly moves in random patterns across the yard as in search of something.  Puffy, white dandelion heads rising above the grass, full and ready, for a strong gust to scatter in the sky.  Sunlight dances in the grass revealing countless shades of green in the grass and the handiwork of a spider who left its "trail" floating amid the blades. 

As I survey this scene, how can I not praise Him?  How can I not witness and see all His works and know- truly know- He creates.  He created this world, He creates life, and He created me.  He will not fail me and His works are best.... I will praise Him!

"For this is what the Lord says- he who created the heavens, he is God; he who fashioned and made the earth, he founded it; he did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited- he says: 'I am the LORD, and there is no other.'"  Isaiah 45:18 NIV

" For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."  Romans 1:20 NIV

" Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always." Psalm 105:4 NIV

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.  Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge."  Psalm 19:1-2 NIV

"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."  Philippians 4:13 MSG

The Freedom of Clean

 

I love it when things are clean!  (I don't love the cleaning, but I LOVE it when everything is clean.)  The smell of my toddler when he is just out from a bath just makes me smile.  I often cuddle with him afterward and just breathe him in.  I love a spotless house- have you ever just walked into your house after a good cleaning and just released a small sigh of joy over it?  I also love fresh, clean laundry.  Often when I am folding laundry, I just hold a towel to my face and just soaked in the warm freshnes of it.

Now, don't think that my house is always spotless, and perfectly clean at all times- if you have read some of my previous posts, you know that isn't the case.  I love cleanness, but life happens in this house.  I do clean and do laundry and we all bathe regularly, but those moments when everything is fresh and spotless at the same time are rare!  I think that is why I love it so much- the fact that I have boys that love to play and get dirty makes me love the moments when they are clean so much sweeter.  The fact that I often have mounds of dirty laundry waiting, makes the moments of breathing in the warm fresh scent of finished laundry so rewarding.  There is just something invigorating about being clean.... renewed, ready for the next purpose.

That is how I am in Christ.... I was dirty, sin-stained, broken, used and lacking purpose.  He cleaned me- through His blood- he cleaned me.  No stain remains- spotless in His sight- and He gave me a purpose again.  Everyone wants to be needed and have a use, but when we feel so discarded because of life or poor choices, we feel unwanted, useless.  That is not how God sees us- He sees opportunity, freshness, new beginnings, and hope- just waiting on that moment when we reach the end of us and turn in desperation to Him.  When we have tried to clean ourselves, and can't do it; so, we reach out our hand to the Savior.  He cleans us... He renews us... and we have purpose in Him. 

" He forgives your sins- every one.  He heals your diseases- every one.  He redeems you from hell- saves your life!  He crowns you with love and mercy- a paradise crown.  He wraps you in goodness- beauty eternal.  He renews your youth- your always young in his presence."  Psalm 103: 3-5 MSG

Life will still happen and we will still have to deal with the consequences of some things, but with a new source of strength because God is with us and our future is secure.  In the freedom of new found purity, we can face all that the day holds- we are forgiven, renewed, needed and useful.  You are so valuable to the King- He sacrificed His son so you might be clean, pure, forgiven, needed, and useful.  It cost Him so much, and in all fairness, we shouldn't take it for granted.  This cleaning was through the life-giving blood of His son- may we never stop finding the joy in that.  Let us always long to soak in the freshness of this life we have been given and let us look, with anticipation, for the purpose God has for our lives.  No longer discarded, we have purpose in our blood bought purity....

Spiritual Time Out

In the past few weeks, Kendall has turned into a full two year old!  Now, he is very loving and funny, but he has defiantly taken up his role of "2" with a vengeance lately.  You can just hear the fits and temper tantrums, right?  Well, as with each of my kids, both Reagan and I try to work with each of our kids to see what forms and types of discipline work best with our boys as well as keeping in mind that this can change from day to day.  Ahh, parenting, it is not for the weak!

Well, Kendall seems (at this point) to respond better when given a "time-out" when in the midst of a fit or issue that he will not follow my lead or wishes.  I have tried "other disciplines" with him, but that seems to escalate the situation more for him.  So, in the crib he goes for a couple of minutes.... or five if mom forgets. (I know, Bad Momma!)  Often, it seems, he just needs the quiet solitude to come to the point of yielding to my wishes- to my will- in the situation.  After that time, he will easily respond to me in an appropriate manner and life continues until the next round for the day.  He is always much happier and at peace after his time alone in the crib- away from the distractions and audience of the house.  He just needed the quiet solitude to resolve himself to obedience.  I have also noticed that these fits most often arise when he just doesn't understand a situation; for example, he has gotten angry many times because he is hungry.  Most of the time, I am already in the midst of preparing him something to eat, but he doesn't see or understand that I am working on it.

I am SO like that with God.  Sometimes, in my anger or frustration with Him over situations that I feel He should have handled differently, I just need a spiritual time-out.  A time of just being in silence and solitude with the Father to yield my heart and mind to His will for me.  Sometimes, it's not that I am upset with Him, but simply needing to yield my day or plans to Him.  The more days that I start by secluding myself with Him, the more days I need that time with Him- I miss it- and I feel "off" all day when I have caved to the pressures on my day.   Sometimes, I just don't understand a situation and can't see that God has already heard my cries and is resolving the issue in His perfect way.  On Tuesday, I had a quick time of study in order to go to an appointment I had that day.  Throughout the day, I felt a longing to just slip away and be with HIM- to praise, to pray, to ponder and to just be silent before the God I love. 

Honestly, our world hates silence.... we always need some noise happening- radio, television, phone.....  The evil one knows that if he can keep us busy and surrounded by noise, then we will struggle to hear the call of the Father.  So, we surround ourselves in busy noise and grow more spiritually anemic.  Silence and beautiful praise before the Father with no agenda, but to just 'be' with Him is what all believers need to yield our minds to His plans and will.  It gives us peace, balance, joy, and preparation for all that we will face that day.  It helps us to see His plans for us through faith and calms our fearful cries.

"In that day he will be your sure foundation, providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge.  The fear of the LORD will be your treasure."  Isaiah 33:6 NLT

" Be still, and know that I am God!  I will be honored by every nation.  I will be honored throughout the world."  Psalm 46:10  NLT

I want a firm foundation with God and I need his rich treasure!  I need to be still before Him so that I can recognize Him as the the God of my life, my house and my day.  I need the silence and solitude that can point my spiritual compass in the right direction for the day- today and every day.

Birth Moms

Last night I watched a show called "Birth Moms" on the TLC channel.  Now, this show follows several women who have decided to place their baby up for adoption and follows them through that process.  I knew- because of my soft heart for adoption- that I would probably feel many emotions while watching the show, but watched it anyway.  (Did I mention that I tend to have a little strong willed tendancies? LOL)
These young ladies were hardened by life and often didn't paint a pretty picture of our world.  To be honest, it was so real and gritty that I almost quit watching the show.  Often the women are shown drinking and smoking while pregnant and as they describe what has happened to them leading up to this decision; my heart just broke.  Too graphic to be shared in this arena, but the worst of our world happening in the lives of these truly young ladies.  They were all young, but far from naive and were very cynical about their lives, futures and chances to improve their situations.

I think I expected a sugary, sweet portrayal of ladies sacrifically giving of their children to loving homes, but instead watched the sharp agonizing emotions of  grieving loss wrapped in complete realness.   No matter the reasons for making the decision to give your child to another family, there is an almost unbearable loss.   It was so overwhelmingly hard to watch as my heart broke for them and yet rejoiced for the waiting families who were experiencing one of the greatest joys life has for us.  Many of the waiting families had been through such heartache and loss as they longed for a child and to see these hardened-yet vulnerable- ladies give them that treasured gift was humbling and beautiful.

I have always related my relationship with God as being adopted through Christ, but to see a worldly reflection of that in life was so humbling and beautiful to my soul.  I, too, came from a worldly hard background- as all of us do- we are sinful creatures.  To see God waiting so lovingly patient with us to decide if this is the life we long for- one of lifelong worship and service of our Lord.  In the show, the birth moms were often grudgingly giving life to these families, but in our spiritual adoption, Christ willingly made the sacrifice to give us life. Do not think that it was easy- however- He gave his life willingly, but it was the most difficult challenge for Christ to separate Himself from the Father. He did it for us just as those birth moms sacrificed their personal desires and wishes for their children to ensure they had a better life.

I cried for their sacrifice.  I cried for the awaiting parents- rejoicing in tears.  I cried that life had made them so hardened and for all they had experienced.  I also cried because of the sacrifice God made for me. 

"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.  This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."  Ephesians 1:5

"So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves.  Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, 'Abba, Father'."  Romans 8:15

Father, thank you for this beautiful reflective picture of your sacrifice for me... for me, Father.  I am your child- through great sacrifice- I am your child.  How can I not praise you?  How can I not worship you?  Let me not forget to treasure my life each day as it is a gift wrapped in selfless love.

When We Have a God-Sized Need

Have you ever had a need so great,... but.... you couldn't meet it?  How did you feel?.... Angry?... Frustrated?.... Heartbroken?....

What did you find solace in- your ability?  your confidence?  your family?  your money?  your food?  your children?  your degree?  your next drink?   some pills?

This morning each of my boys had a need that he could not meet.  Kendall needed a diaper change (Bad Momma, I know) and he laid on the floor with a diaper next to him, but couldn't change himself.  Carson wanted to watch a movie after completing his morning responsibilities and couldn't get the DVD player to work.  Caleb needed some of his medication, but we had run out and are preparing to go get it.  These needs are an inconvenience, but what about more devastating needs.....job loss, life threatening disease, loss of a spouse, loss of a child, or a divorce...

What do you do in the midst of those needs- where do you turn?  On January 5, 2009, Reagan called me to let me know that he had been laid off and I slowly felt all security fall out from under me.  How would we pay the bills?  How would we get Caleb's much needed (and very expensive) medication?  How will we survive?  That night, in the midst of deep, desperate tears I sang praise songs.  I didn't know what would happen the next day, week, month, but I did know my Lord would be there through it all.  I don't want you to think the journey was pretty- I cried countless desperate tears.  I got angry at God (whoa- what?), and I was crushed when doors closed.... and then, quietly, I would get up... and in a broken whisper, I would start to praise Him in songs, prayers, and testimony.  Each day, God made me stronger.

Reagan didn't get a job the next day, week, month.... it took four months- FOUR months.  At the end of that journey, we had not touched our savings account and God had provided for all our needs (needs- not necessarily wants).  We always had food to eat, and our bills were always met- God used other believers, odd jobs, and the like to do it, but we walked through the fire of that trial and came out changed-better-stronger.

Maybe you have a huge need right now and you are desperate for resolution.  Remember no matter how great the need, we have a greater God.  He will answer you and bring resolution, but it will be in His timing.  Reagan didn't get the first job he interviewed for, or the second, or the third... but, God taught us and grew us in ways that we couldn't have appreciated had the end come sooner.  I know the deep pain of longing and clinging to the hope within us with all your remaining strength.  Take heart- God will not fail you.  He will not make you wait one second longer than necessary.  The joy you will find when at the concluding moments of this trial will be indescribable!

" You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."  Phillipians 4:19 MSG

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  He who goes out weeping, carrying seeds to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."  Psalms 126:5,6  NIV

"My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."   Psalm 73:26 NLT

My friend, cry if you need to cry...release the anger, hurt and disappointment and then rise and praise Him- if only a whisper- praise Him.  Victory is coming and He has great plans for you, lean on the only strength that can save you! 

A Lost Tooth!

Today is an exciting day in the Boles house... Carson lost his first tooth!

For several months, Carson had witnessed several of his friends losing teeth and had become concerned as to why he hadn't lost a tooth.  About 3 to 4 weeks ago, we realized that one of his front bottom teeth was finally becoming loose.  Since that time, he has wiggled that tooth trying to prompt it to evacuate it's current home.  Each week, I would say, "I think it will be out by next week."  However, it was one stubborn tooth!

Yesterday, Carson decided to have an apple with part of his lunch and when he took a bite, something "popped" and the tooth was suddenly very close coming out.  While initially Carson was extremely excited, the discomfort of that moment made him well aware that this could be a painful proposition and fear began to overtake him.  All afternoon yesterday, my precious boy was caught in turmoil, anxiety, and fear to the point of tears over how much it was going to hurt for this tooth to come out.  It broke my heart!  I could tell that the tooth was so ready to come out, and I felt like it wouldn't take much for it to come out.  Sadly, though, I couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't be painful.  The one thing I did know was that it wasn't as bad as Carson was visualizing it in his head.  I kept reassuring  him, cuddling him and comforting him as best as I could- it wasn't until we prayed about it (upon his request) that he calmed.  I kind of held a collective breath all evening waiting to see if the tooth fairy would make her first arrival at Carson's pillow, but alas.... no tooth.

This morning, Carson had been up a few minutes and was eating a muffin.  He was walking into my room and I asked him to come give me a quick hug when he reached into his mouth and pulled out the tooth.... He was so shocked.... He was so excited.   It came out totally on it's own with little to no discomfort!  We took a picture and celebrated this victory for Carson.  More than anything, I think he was just so relieved from all the worry and fear that had plagued him for the previous day.

Our human nature is like that- Satan attacks us with fears and we take it to the extreme, huh?  Fears like losing a spouse or a child, losing a job, being diagnosed with a terrible illness, and such can make sleepless nights and drive us to extreme behaviors.  The crazy part is that very few of us will ever face those situations, but Satan knows how to frighten us and get us distracted from the Father.  Truth is, if we are anxious, then we are not trusting and yielding to God- we are trying to be self sufficient and when we realize just how unprepared we are, we panic and give into the schemes of the evil one.  God knows we aren't prepared, capable, or equipped.... but HE is fully capable to meet all needs.  If our worst fear was realized, God would still be there.  He would still meet all needs whether emotional, physical, mental, financial, or spiritual.  At the end of that journey, we would fall at His feet and allow Him to heal us, restore us, and make us whole.  We will have troubles, but God will always be faithful to us when we seek after Him in the midst of the storm.  Just as I did my best to comfort Carson yesterday- God can bring comfort to any situation through the Holy Spirit if we will give Him our pain and hurt and lay our brokenness at His feet.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."      Romans 8:37-39

What are some of your fears?  What are you anxious about today?  Our God is our refuge and strength while in trouble and He never leaves your side. (Psalms 46:1) Don't listen to the cries of the evil one, but turn to the solid promises and truths of the Father!   Rejoice and live in the relief and peace of knowing that God is fully capable of meeting every need!

Mother's Day: A Lesson in Contentment



Okay, I have to admit that I have often had mixed emotions regarding Mother's Day.  Don't get me wrong- I have been blessed with a wonderful mother!  I could spend an entire blog just on how much she sacrificed and did for us as children.  She has always been a godly example for me and I couldn't be more blessed by the Lord to have been raised under her teaching.  I have also been blessed with an incredible mother in law- so much so that I truly see her as my second mother.  Over the years, she has been such an incredible blessing in my life.  It is for these reasons that I love honoring and blessing my mothers. 

However, in the past Mother's Day was hard for me.  As a single woman, it was just another reminder that I was still not married.  As a young wife, it was a reminder that I was still not a mother- which I wanted so very much.  As a young mother, I often struggled if the day didn't live up to the Hallmark commercial standards.  I think some of you can relate..... Perhaps your dreams of being married, having children or having a picture perfect celebration have just fallen short.  The deep hurt and longing to hold a child of your own- for many women- is a pain that tears at our very fiber and being.  As women, God so designed us to carry and nurture children and to not be able to fulfill that design makes us question our value and validity. 

After having Caleb, we felt God's leading to adopt, and so began the process.  Several months, sleepless nights and tears in, we still did not have all the needed finances.  I SO desperately wanted to be a mother again, but I also wanted to be obedient to God's calling.  Finally, God brought me to a point of helplessness when I realized I couldn't make an adoption happen anymore than I could make a pregnancy happen.  I knew if God really meant for us to adopt, then He would prevent any pregnancies in order for us to fulfill what He had for us- yet, the adoption had reached a dead in as well.... so, I reached a point of letting go.  Letting go of my plans, dreams, and expectations- we just trusted God to create our family however He chose.  Three months later, Carson was on his way and I have to trust that God still had a plan for that part of our journey with Him.

I share this because I know the deep longing for child and how painful Mother's Day can be for those in a similar situation.  I have also been so looking forward to Mother's Day and so disappointed when things just didn't turn out like I had expected.  I teasingly said yesterday, "Mother's Day just isn't complete without someone getting a spanking."  Let's be honest, Hallmark type commercials are not real life! Sometimes, your loved ones forget, your kids are fussy and disappointments prevail.  

This weekend could have been one of those weekends for me.  Reagan and I had plans to go to a homeschool bookfair this weekend- which I always enjoy- and my parents had agreed to keep the boys.  It looked like we were going to go on a couple of date nights while they were visiting in Dublin.  I was very excited!  We had a great evening Friday shopping for my mother's day gift and I awoke with great excitement and anticipation on Saturday.  Alas, things didn't go as planned, Reagan became so very sick around noon while at the homeschool bookfair and we had to leave shortly afterward.  My evening consisted of tending to my sick husband, take-out, and a chick flick on television.  On Sunday, I went to church alone, got my free carnation from church and met my parents for a wonderful meal in Granbury.

The crazy part in all this is that one prevailing emotion filled me...... contentment.  It honestly shocked me how peaceful and happy I felt all weekend.   Reagan kept apologizing for disappointing me after our weekend turned out so differently and I kept reassuring him that I was fine.  Honestly, I have so much to be thankful for: a husband who dearly loves me, boys that still want to spend time with me, all our needs are met, and I have an incredible family that supports me.  Sure, I wish things would have turned out a little differently, but I felt such peace and contentment that only comes from the Father.  Through the Holy Spirit, we can have contentment in ALL circumstances, but we will never have enough will power or strength to make it happen on our own.  We must reach the end of our self in order for Him to fill us with His peace, joy, and contentment.... so, when our world disappoints, fails us, or leaves us crushed that we lean on His unending supply.  We just have to get to the point where we trust God so much that we are willing to let go of our dreams and let Him full our hands with Him- His will, His plans, His dreams for us and suddenly we can understand that contentment isn't having it all but being thankful for all.

I read this scripture today, "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are- no more, no less.  That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Matthew 5:5 MSG

Nothing on earth will last and we can't take it with us, and I would rather find peace in each day rather than grappling over what I think I need to fulfill me.  Only God truly knows what I need  and I have to choose, daily, His will and plans over mine.  Let go of that heartache, my friend, and let God show you His plan for your life- there is never so much joy than when you release your self and immerse yourself in the Father.  Let go and let God.....

Right Place, Right Time

As some of you may have read on Facebook yesterday, I felt like yesterday afternoon God had placed me at the right time and place.  So, I guess this blog is the story behind the story!

For several days, I have wanted to get a haircut, but as we homeschool and I have my boys with me most of the time, I often have a hard time running errands like that.  On Thursday evening, it hit me that my parents were taking the boys this weekend and that I would have 2-3 hours of uncommitted time before Reagan was off work.....Perfect!  So, I started a mental debate about where to go.  I prefer to go to one person and build a relationship with them - yes, I know it is only hair, but I just haven't found someone that I really liked and seemed a good fit for me, my time, my style and budget.

As I drove to Granbury, where I was meeting my mother, I saw a hairstyle place on the way which I recognized as one I could "walk in" without an appointment.  I also thought it was one that could do more challenging cuts.  The big plus, was that it was right on my drive!

So after the "drop-off" of the kids I headed to the salon.  When I walked in there was no line and a friendly face greeted me.  Within minutes I was in her salon chair and as we began small talk, we immediately connected. As the conversation continued, I began to feel that "prick" in the Holy Spirit that God was doing something in this short time.  I don't feel comfortable sharing details, but before I knew it, I found myself saying, "I believe that God is so sovereign that He can use even our mistakes as part of His purpose and sovereign plan."  Even the hairstylist next to us began sharing about her spiritual journey.

When I walked out, I felt so encouraged and I believe they did as well- and I do NOT believe it was an accident!  Sometimes, I feel that my life is so simple that my spiritual reach is so short, but God has been helping me see that my ministry is where-ever I go.  If I am open to His plans for the day, He can and will use me.  I walked out feeling valued because I valued someone else enough to share my passion for the Father with her.

I had intended to "blog" about this last night, but I was so tired that I went to bed.  At 7:00 am, God woke me and pulled me to get up and have my quiet time and write.  Now, my kids and not here and Reagan and I have plans for the whole day; so, I really wanted to sleep!  However, when I read from one of my favorite devotion books (Jesus Calling) the first paragraph from today's reading said, "Learn to relate to others through My Love rather than yours.  Your human love is ever so limited, full of flaws and manipulation.  My loving Presence, which always enfolds you, is available to bless others as well as you."

I tell you I can't even make this stuff up!  God is so good and He loves us so much- never think that your life doesn't have value or purpose.  The evil one wants us to believe that so that we are limited and bound up in ourselves.  God wants to use us- to bring encouragement, salvation and change to this world.  He is with us and will always be with us on this journey of our lives.

"God said, 'My presence will go with you.  I'll see the journey to the end.'"  Exodus 33:14 MSG

Today, seek after Him.  Let Him guide you and you might find yourself at just the right place and the right time.... and it won't be an accident! 

What are You Waiting For?

Remember as a child waiting on Christmas Eve for the first morning glimmer in order to wake your parents to see what Santa had nestled under the tree for  you?  I still feel a spark of excitement as I recall the anticipation, excitement, and sheer joy!  Even in the midst of such wonderful emotions, waiting is still hard- one Christmas my brother and I decided to stay in the same room on Christmas Eve and we dared each other to go and see what was under the tree- we just couldn't wait!

Waiting is harder still when in the midst of trial though.  As a single young woman, I hated waiting for God to bring the right person He had for me.  I saw other couples and wondered why I hadn't met my "match" and I sometimes bought into the lie of loneliness.  As a young married couple, Reagan and I often waited to see how God would provide for bills, expenses or for a job that would provide more income than what we were surviving on.  Later in our marriage, we believed that God had put on our heart to adopt a child and we began the "waiting game" as my heart was so desperate to hold another child.  I also flash back to a stark room waiting to see the doctor walk in and let us know if our son- who was not breathing when we last saw him- was still with us.  I have also waited on God for explanation as to why bad things have happened in my world and why I had to hurt so much.  A few years ago we waited on a job to replace the one my husband lost when his company had several lay offs. Waiting....       waiting...           waiting...

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."
                                                                                                                    Micah 7:7 NIV

When I reflect back, however, all I can recall is God's faithfulness.  In each and every situation, God was faithful- even when it seemed doubtful in the midst of the abyss.  In all those times, I saw God's mighty hand at work most clearly because all I could do was wait on Him.  I was at the end of "me" and all my efforts and run their course.  He just needed me to yield my heart, my plans, my will to Him.  God does really love us and He does work all things out for our good, and while we may doubt, question, and turn our back to Him- He never leaves us.  He never lets us go.  He never turns His back on us.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."                                                              Romans 8:28 NIV

I don't know what you are waiting on right now, but I know that God is still at work in the situation.  He can turn even our mistakes into purpose because He is capable of making beauty out of turmoil and ashes.  Don't give up- He is not finished with you!  Remember, too, this world is not our home and all hurts, disappointments and pain is temporary.  Praise Him while you wait on Him!  Praise HIM!

Run Cricket Run!

Caleb has always loved bugs and studying them.  He is the typical boy that you might find crickets, lizards, and yes- even snakes- in his possession.   One Sunday we were in the middle of church when Caleb needed to go to the restroom.  When he returned, he was a little wiggly, and when I investigated more, he admitted that he had some live crickets in his pocket! ugh!  I promise, I can't even make this stuff up!

So, one time on a trip to one of our local dollar stores, I found a bug collecting kit that came with a plastic bug holder with a built in magnifying glass.  It also came with tweezers and a cool strap so you could "wear" your bug kit.  Now, for a boy that loves bugs, that IS the coolest gift and it was only a $1!!! (Score me!)

He loved that kit and wore it out, but I began to notice a disturbing trend.  He would often collect several bugs and study them for a day or two (or four) and forget that they needed to be released in order to survive.  Now, I do NOT like bugs, but even I started feeling bad for them- so much so that I began releasing the creatures whenever Caleb would go to bed.  During one such time, Caleb had caught a cricket and I tried to get the cricket out of the bug kit, but it would not come out.  After several attempts, (and much squealing on my part) I finally opened the door to the bug kit and left it where the cricket could escape.  Sadly, the cricket was still backed into the corner of the clear container the next morning.  It died soon afterward.

I was stricken with the thought, "Why hadn't it escaped?  Freedom was just outside the open door?"  Isn't this like us, though?  We want the freedom to live how we want, to do whatever we want, to get whatever we want, and yet only in Christ is there true freedom.  So, we back ourselves into the corner of our comfortable lives and just wait for whatever comes next.

Before Christ, we are just living looking out for ourselves- we don't know to do anything different- but, living for ourselves just doesn't satisfy.  It may feel good for a time, but you come to a point when it becomes meaningless.... pointless.  This is because we were created to praise and glorify our Maker and our Savior and living a life without Christ is exactly that.... meaningless....pointless.  It may seem that living a life for Christ is about rules and restrictions, but that is just a lie from the evil one- it is freedom!  Freedom from sins, freedom from heartache, freedom from unforgiveness, freedom from loneliness,  and freedom from bondage because One loved you so much to give His all for you.  Only Christ did that for me- how can I not love Him?

Living in this world is hard and I couldn't make it if I didn't have Christ- He has saved me and He saves me daily from so much.  For those of us that are in Christ, we often choose to hang on to things from our "old self" days- guilt, addictions, unhealthy relationships.... We have freedom, but we cling on to the past due to fear--- fear of change, fear of the unknown, and even fear of God truly using us to change the world (remember Moses?).    Please know that you are not alone- remember in Christ you have all resources available to you by God through the Holy Spirit and He desires that you just trust and follow Him.  Isaiah 41:13 says, "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." (NIV)  In the Message version it says, "Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.  I'm telling you, 'Don't panic.  I'm right here to help you.'"

God wants to offer you freedom from your sins, pasts, regrets and offer you a beautiful, rich life.  Don't hesitate, but run to the open door of freedom He offers and know that you will never be alone again.  He is right there making that first step with you- taste and breathe in your soul that sweet life-giving freedom!