Messy Lessons

Yesterday, it was lunchtime and Kendall was READY to eat and that boy loves his food! Right now, he has discovered a french toast bread that I get at our local grocery store and he loves it. If he sees it in the pantry, he will go to the door and call out "bed" (aka bread) until someone comes to check on him. I don't mind him having a slice or two (okay, being honest here- four) for breakfast, but not at lunch, dinner and all snacks. So, being a mean Mommy, I prepared him something else. He cried and fussed and endured a trip to timeout before sitting still in his high chair. While sitting quietly, he finally asked for what I had prepared and ate very well as you can see in the picture.

I had to laugh as I thought about this whole scenario.... it is SO like me with God. Too often I cry and throw a fit over what I really wanted in my life until I take the time to sit and be still before Him. During that time, my heart is softened and I am able to give up my will for what God has planned for me. His plan is always better for me that what I would choose anyway.

Well, after Kendall ate his lunch and fed himself, the boys were laughing at how messy he had gotten. I knew that I could have fed him and the mess would have been minimal, but he needed to learn how to do it himself. Too often lessons in our kids lives are messy, dirty, sticky and overall unpleasant- and NECESSARY. I think sometimes we try to make our kids' lives so easy that we forget that they need to learn by experience - sometimes with our direction and sometimes on their own. Learning involves making mistakes, getting dirty and it always takes more time. However, when the lesson is learned, they are more independent and prepared for what the future may hold.

This truth applies to all of us. Some lessons are spiritual, some are mental, some are physical, and most have to be learned through experience- it is our human nature! I wish that I could read the Bible and always heed God's instructions. Sadly, too often, I have to learn through mistakes and challenges, but when the lesson is learned, I grow more in His likeness. I am learning that I may have to be dirty and tried to really have a humble heart for HIM.

The good news is that creates beauty out of our ashes and no mess is ever wasted.

Nope, no Martha Stewart Here.....

Okay, I have a confession...... maybe it is the fact that it is a Wednesday and the weekend is so far away or the fact that my carpets need to be vacuumed and I have a large pile of laundry still to be done. Possibly it is due to the dishes still in the sink needing to be loaded into the dishwasher.....but.....well.... here it is: I really wish I was a Martha Stewart type of housewife.

There. I said it.

BUT, I am not anywhere near the realm of Martha Stewart and this week God has really been teaching me that is okay. I love looking at Pinterest and seeing all the nifty things I could sew, bake, make and create and I even get a few of my "pins" done, yet, so many are things I would dream of being able to do. I see other moms who are dressed perfectly in their size 2 jeans with the perfect nails and hair, and I start to question my own looks. I see pictures of other homes perfectly clean with beautiful decor and wonder how they had the time to get it done..... I see on Facebook the awesome meals that some of my friends prepare or marvel at the cute cakes that they make for their kids' parties and wonder, "Did I miss that gene?" Nope, no Martha Stewart here..... and that is just fine.

My husband and my kids don't want Martha living here- they want this slightly lumpy, hair often out of place woman, who can cook some decent meals, have enough clean laundry to get by and who will spend time with them. Yep, what they really want is me. They don't want a stressed out version of me who is in constant motion trying to have a perfect house, perfect looks, perfect job, and perfect homeschool lessons. My kids want someone who will sit with them, read with them, play games with them, correct them, lovingly discipline them, and be there for them. My husband loves me because I am his best friend not because I have the perfect body, hair or nails- our connection is much deeper than that.

Now, I am not talking about living in a "Hoarding" episode or looking like I haven't cleaned up in a month of Sundays! What I am talking about is this- I will not beat myself up anymore when I or my house are not ready for the cover of a magazine. It is more important that I spend the time with my family building them up and nurturing them to become what God has planned for them. In time, when the kids have left the nest, the nest might be more Pinterest acceptable and Martha approved, but I want to savor these days of mile high laundry knowing that it is all too fleeting.

Christ, even challenged another "Martha" in this when he approved of Mary sitting and spending time with Him while Martha cleaned and prepared. He knew that what Martha really needed was more of HIM- through HIS love she could be healed from all unrighteousness. I need HIM to heal me from my self -critical attitude and realize that when I am living, learning, and seeking after HIM then my life is well spent and my value is secure. My family won't speak about my looks, nails, hair, cleaning ability or cooking at my funeral (or at least I hope they don't!) I hope they recall the time I spent with them and how much I loved my Lord- and shared it with them.

Yep, Martha Stewart doesn't live here......

A Cry in the Night

Last night, in the middle of the night, I heard the all too familiar cries of one of my sons. I made the groggy walk across the house to his room and gently placed him on my shoulder. Swaying together to a silent song, he laid his head against my neck and drifted to slumber again. After a few moments, I laid him in his crib and stroked his small hand in mine until the tears subsided. I sat on the floor next to his crib as he just seemed to need me "there" and "near" to be his protector.

So, I sat.... and prayed. I prayed for each of my boys- praising Him for their strengths and pleading out for their weaknesses. When the breathing from the crib seemed deeper and more content and my eyelids grew so heavy, I crawled out of the room.

In this process I had the thought..... "My Father God, is this what you do for me?.... Do you sit beside me in the midst of times that I just need you 'there' and 'near'? Do you cradle me in your arms when the need is so great that I must cry desperately to you?"

I know it is what God does for all of His children. He soothes and comforts during those times that we seek after Him and a peace- HIS peace- fills us and we know, as His children, that the Father is near and there for us. We are never alone in trials and challenges and when we need Him closer, He holds us .... isn't it during those most desperate times that we can most clearly hear the heartbeat of who He truly is to us.....

And unlike this Momma, he never grows weary.... He is ALWAYS there and near....

When the Burn Stings

While reaching in the oven this morning, I was met with the painful, sharp sensation of a burn on my wrist. I had inadvertently raised my wrist up too high while pulling out breakfast and bumped the metal rack above. Several thoughts ran through my mind....

"I feel rather silly.... why hadn't I paid more attention? I knew it was hot. I sure don't want to admit to Reagan that I did that...... "

These thoughts were quickly followed by the intense sting of a burn.

I grabbed some of the blue, aloe vera, burn gel from the refrigerator and applied a small amount to the burn. Immediately, the cold gel brought comfort and relief that spread and covered the searing sting.

As I sat nursing my wounds, the thought hit me that we all have been "burned" in ways other than the physical. Burns from broken promises, taunting lies, haunting failures and stabbing words carry every bit as much pain. These burns, too, are followed by an internal argument....

"Why did I trust them? How could I have gone there? I knew better than to believe.... "

Haven't we all been there at some point?

Where does our healing come? It comes from the Lord-the maker of heaven and earth. His healing also brings comfort, relief and long awaited peace- that spreads far within our soul until all discomfort is vanquished. Sometimes His healing is total and complete in one application of His grace and mercy. Sometimes, however, the pain returns as someone inadvertently "bumps" our weakness. His healing balm can be reapplied to our hurts and crushed dreams.... over and over.... as long as it takes to reach the complete healing we need. Just as my physical burn will take repeated applications of gel and time to heal.

I am so thankful for God's complete healing in previous "burns" in my life. I am thankful, too, for His peace and mercy that helps me to extend grace to those who are still in the midst of pain. We are not meant to suffer, but to simply recognize our need for the Great Healer.

Saying Goodbye.

I grew up in the small Texas town of Dublin. If you were to drive through the town, you might not think much of it. We had two stoplights, a Dairy Queen, Duncan drug store, and Johnson's store. It is really a "Mayberry" like town with loving, friendly people who are willing to work hard to make a living for their family. I was blessed to have it etched in the background of my childhood... true, real, rural upbringing.

Dublin has had two sources of great pride- our once a year St. Patrick's Day festivities and our Dublin Dr. Pepper bottling plant which produced the only pure cane sugar version of Dr. Pepper for over 100 years.

I have always loved Dr. Pepper and it is honestly the only soda that I would drink. My husband even had to commit to Dr. Pepper to seal the deal with me before we married... (you have to have your priorities right). It, however, has always been more than just a soda to me... it is part of my upbringing, my childhood, my core. Dublin Dr. Pepper was, for many of us, vital.... we didn't have the best parks, best movie theaters, tons of restaurants, countless shopping options, but we did have OUR Dr. Pepper. People would come from hours away just to get what we could have daily. Suddenly, we were honored and special to live in such a place. Even to this day, when I take a sweet sip of a Dublin Dr. Pepper.... ahhh.... I am home again.

On Wednesday, January 11, Dublin Dr. Pepper lost its court battle to expand its territory with a new licensing agreement with the Dr. Pepper Snapple group. Faced with increasing costs to produce the Dublin Dr. Pepper, the owners had to sell out and let it go. When I heard the news, I felt such a grief kin to losing a dear friend. Suddenly, a light of pride was gone and I could do nothing about it. You see, the Dr. Pepper Snapple group will gain a mere 1% of profit from this decision, but our town will lose so much more. It feels like such a punch in the gut for hard working, small- town Americans just trying to make ends meet. Even more than that, it crushes a town that just wanted to continue to hold on to its tradition and pride.

I will be praying for the 14 families that lost their jobs yesterday and for all of us that lost a part of ourselves when the last bottle clanged off the line yesterday. Goodbye, dear friend.

Press On

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 13-14

This morning, while I was having my morning devotional, I read this scripture. I began to pray, and was thanking God and rejoicing in how I could leave my past behind. I think that most individuals have memories in the past that we are glad to leave behind .... things we shouldn't have said, actions we shouldn't have done, thoughts that should have never entered our mind and so forth. This verse can be liberating when you are plagued with memories of your personal shortcomings.

Then, God brought a thought to mind.....

What about your "trophy" memories? What about all the times you accomplished things in the past? Are you still looking back at all those successes and triumphs and missing what God is calling you to right now?

hmmm....

These are the moments when you find yourself saying....

" I graduated at the top of my class.....",

"I was the star athlete on the ________ team....",

"I won the 'Best Actress' award.....",

" I worked at________ and made quite a living doing that......",

" I won this award while I was at that company....."

It hit me that looking back at my personal accomplishments was still looking back. Now, looking back at all that God has done for us is such an encouragement when we are struggling in a situation. Our memories of how God had provided in previous situations helped us get through the four months that Reagan was off work. I believe that type of looking back/reflection is God honoring. What I felt convicted of today was the looking back at MY accomplishments.... my mental trophies so to speak. If we focus on all that we were back a few years ago, then we aren't giving our best to what God has for us today.

Reagan and I enjoy watching the show, "Good Luck Charlie" on the Disney Channel. This is not a Christian show and at times we have to discuss parts of it with our kids, but there are parts of it that make us laugh till our sides hurt. I think because it often shows human nature at its best and worst. The mother on the show (Amy Duncan) cannot get past her glorious high school days. Often, she reflects back on how incredible her high school experience was; however, in the process she loses so many opportunities to connect and help her kids.

I think this is what God was trying to help me realize today. No matter what happened in the past- whether good or bad- let our focus be on what God wants from me in the present. I don't want to miss opportunities because I was shining old trophies or nursing scars from the past.

Thank you, God, for this day and for these opportunities.....

Grace for Today

Last night, as I sat watching a 9/11 special, I heard an all too familiar sound coming from Caleb's room. Immediately, my heart sunk as I walked in to find him in the midst of a seizure. Having dealt with his Epilepsy for several years now, I have the head knowledge to know what to do for him physically..... place him in a safe space, time it, watch to make sure he can still breathe and not sufficate or choke as vomiting is inevitable.....

But, will I ever not be shaken emotionally?

My heart still isn't used to seeing my precious son's body shaking violently and not being able to stop it. To see his eyes look black and lifeless and know that he isn't "there," and watching him suffer for hours afterwards due to a migraine-like headache.

After each episode, Reagan and I find ourselves hoping and questioning Caleb's future..... Will he be able to drive? Will he be able to function and work to provide for himself? Will he marry? In the past, our hope that he would out-grow this condition and be able to make it without medication would encourage us, but not lately. Our hope is fading for that all-inclusive-no-strings-attached miracle. He may always require medication in order to control this condition.

Today, God spoke to my grieving heart and reassured me that whatever He has planned for Caleb will include his Epilepsy. God designed every detail of my son and this condition did not "slip past" God. He planned this for Caleb. He is not flawed or broken. He is designed by the most loving, caring creator and this condition will not prevent Caleb from experiencing anything God has for him to do or accomplish. This will make him stronger. I think it is making our family stronger. The real miracle here may not be in the healing of this ailment, but in our thriving despite it. There are still many questions, and I cannot answer them at this point. However, I know that God loves Caleb and has his best interest at heart and that is enough to get through today, tomorrow and the numerous days ahead.

So, I praise Him for the adventure that still is to come and for the grace I need today.