Happy Birthday Caleb!

Twelve years ago today, Caleb Wilson Boles, entered into our lives.  His birth was somewhat challenging, and I have come to realize that reflects some of his character.  He questions because he wants understanding.  He challenges because he is passionate.  He fights because he is a survivor.  He has survived severe acid reflux which threatened his growth, and he has battled epilepsy for 8 years now and has done it with fierce courage.  Life for Caleb hasn't always been easy, but it has been full- full of love, full of adventure, and full of laughter.

I always wanted to be a mother, and Caleb's birth was the realization of that dream.  On the night of his birth, I held him close and whispered in his ear, " I love you.  We will figure this out together."   We have learned quite a lot together and God has taught me so much about His character through the eyes of parenthood.  My mother's heart has learned about genuine sacrifice and selfless love.  I have learned about limitations on what I can honestly do in a day and realizing what really matters at the end of the day.  My heart has grown in size to accommodate each and every triumph and trial. 

I love Caleb for his humor and love of all things science.  I love they way he always wants to figure things out and how he is developing his own style- including the sweat -stained Texas Tech cap that drives his dad nuts!  I love how creative he is in building legos and making up games using sticks and rocks.  He amazes me, at times, with his spiritual insights and questions.  I know God has an incredible plan for his life and I look forward to all that will entail.

Thank you, Caleb, for the joy you bring in our lives- I love you!  Happy 12th Birthday Son!!

What is your learning style?

About this time of year as the summer heats up and school lessons are finished; we begin the process of researching homeschool curriculum for the following year.  There are always many considerations for us- expense, academic level, preparation, and learning styles are but a few of the things that factor our decision.  Only in the past few years have the different learning styles of our boys become a more influential pull as we weigh different curriculum options.  This is due, in part, to having to figure out the best way each of them learns the various subjects best.   Caleb and Carson each have their areas in which they are "bent" and more passionate about studying as well as areas that just come easier to them.  Some children need to see a visual picture for a lesson while others need an auditory connection to a lesson in order to fully comprehend it, but most of us learn best through experiencing lesson for ourselves.  As a homeschool family, we do our best to create learning experiences for our kids as often as possible.

Today, as I thought about this, I realized that the same is true for my relationship with the Father.  We all have certain areas that come easier for us and, sadly, areas that often we keep having to learn by experience.  Sometimes we can hear about the experience of another believer and it is enough to help us grow and mature in our faith.  At other times, we may personally witness or see someone walking a spiritual journey that challenges us in our own personal walk with God.  There are also times, however, that we learn through our own experiences-whether good or bad- trials and triumphs that forever become spiritual markers in our lives. 

The wonderful part of all this is that we have a perfect teacher who knows everything about us and designs those experiences to match our most intricate and intimate needs.  His lessons are always meant for our benefit and are never for our harm.  His desire is to see us mature in our faith in order to prepare us for the plans He has for us.  No lesson is ever wasted, unnecessary or unneeded.  He is reminding me that I need to be a compliant student who seeks after Him and looks for the lessons in the circumstances.

"Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him.  Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."  Colossians 2:7 NLT

I want to be an outstanding student because these are the "tests" that matter.  I long for the approval of my teacher and Father.  Teach me, Father, and help my blind eyes see the lessons in the circumstances.

Spiritual Time Out

In the past few weeks, Kendall has turned into a full two year old!  Now, he is very loving and funny, but he has defiantly taken up his role of "2" with a vengeance lately.  You can just hear the fits and temper tantrums, right?  Well, as with each of my kids, both Reagan and I try to work with each of our kids to see what forms and types of discipline work best with our boys as well as keeping in mind that this can change from day to day.  Ahh, parenting, it is not for the weak!

Well, Kendall seems (at this point) to respond better when given a "time-out" when in the midst of a fit or issue that he will not follow my lead or wishes.  I have tried "other disciplines" with him, but that seems to escalate the situation more for him.  So, in the crib he goes for a couple of minutes.... or five if mom forgets. (I know, Bad Momma!)  Often, it seems, he just needs the quiet solitude to come to the point of yielding to my wishes- to my will- in the situation.  After that time, he will easily respond to me in an appropriate manner and life continues until the next round for the day.  He is always much happier and at peace after his time alone in the crib- away from the distractions and audience of the house.  He just needed the quiet solitude to resolve himself to obedience.  I have also noticed that these fits most often arise when he just doesn't understand a situation; for example, he has gotten angry many times because he is hungry.  Most of the time, I am already in the midst of preparing him something to eat, but he doesn't see or understand that I am working on it.

I am SO like that with God.  Sometimes, in my anger or frustration with Him over situations that I feel He should have handled differently, I just need a spiritual time-out.  A time of just being in silence and solitude with the Father to yield my heart and mind to His will for me.  Sometimes, it's not that I am upset with Him, but simply needing to yield my day or plans to Him.  The more days that I start by secluding myself with Him, the more days I need that time with Him- I miss it- and I feel "off" all day when I have caved to the pressures on my day.   Sometimes, I just don't understand a situation and can't see that God has already heard my cries and is resolving the issue in His perfect way.  On Tuesday, I had a quick time of study in order to go to an appointment I had that day.  Throughout the day, I felt a longing to just slip away and be with HIM- to praise, to pray, to ponder and to just be silent before the God I love. 

Honestly, our world hates silence.... we always need some noise happening- radio, television, phone.....  The evil one knows that if he can keep us busy and surrounded by noise, then we will struggle to hear the call of the Father.  So, we surround ourselves in busy noise and grow more spiritually anemic.  Silence and beautiful praise before the Father with no agenda, but to just 'be' with Him is what all believers need to yield our minds to His plans and will.  It gives us peace, balance, joy, and preparation for all that we will face that day.  It helps us to see His plans for us through faith and calms our fearful cries.

"In that day he will be your sure foundation, providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge.  The fear of the LORD will be your treasure."  Isaiah 33:6 NLT

" Be still, and know that I am God!  I will be honored by every nation.  I will be honored throughout the world."  Psalm 46:10  NLT

I want a firm foundation with God and I need his rich treasure!  I need to be still before Him so that I can recognize Him as the the God of my life, my house and my day.  I need the silence and solitude that can point my spiritual compass in the right direction for the day- today and every day.

Worship Wednesday

I love praising and worshipping our God and King through songs. Times of beautiful worship just draw me nearer to the Father and all of my hectic, crazy world comes into clearer focus in the light of Him. Lately, I have really enjoyed the music of a group named Fee. Today, I thought I would just share a couple of their songs for you to enjoy.

 

 

 

Birth Moms

Last night I watched a show called "Birth Moms" on the TLC channel.  Now, this show follows several women who have decided to place their baby up for adoption and follows them through that process.  I knew- because of my soft heart for adoption- that I would probably feel many emotions while watching the show, but watched it anyway.  (Did I mention that I tend to have a little strong willed tendancies? LOL)
These young ladies were hardened by life and often didn't paint a pretty picture of our world.  To be honest, it was so real and gritty that I almost quit watching the show.  Often the women are shown drinking and smoking while pregnant and as they describe what has happened to them leading up to this decision; my heart just broke.  Too graphic to be shared in this arena, but the worst of our world happening in the lives of these truly young ladies.  They were all young, but far from naive and were very cynical about their lives, futures and chances to improve their situations.

I think I expected a sugary, sweet portrayal of ladies sacrifically giving of their children to loving homes, but instead watched the sharp agonizing emotions of  grieving loss wrapped in complete realness.   No matter the reasons for making the decision to give your child to another family, there is an almost unbearable loss.   It was so overwhelmingly hard to watch as my heart broke for them and yet rejoiced for the waiting families who were experiencing one of the greatest joys life has for us.  Many of the waiting families had been through such heartache and loss as they longed for a child and to see these hardened-yet vulnerable- ladies give them that treasured gift was humbling and beautiful.

I have always related my relationship with God as being adopted through Christ, but to see a worldly reflection of that in life was so humbling and beautiful to my soul.  I, too, came from a worldly hard background- as all of us do- we are sinful creatures.  To see God waiting so lovingly patient with us to decide if this is the life we long for- one of lifelong worship and service of our Lord.  In the show, the birth moms were often grudgingly giving life to these families, but in our spiritual adoption, Christ willingly made the sacrifice to give us life. Do not think that it was easy- however- He gave his life willingly, but it was the most difficult challenge for Christ to separate Himself from the Father. He did it for us just as those birth moms sacrificed their personal desires and wishes for their children to ensure they had a better life.

I cried for their sacrifice.  I cried for the awaiting parents- rejoicing in tears.  I cried that life had made them so hardened and for all they had experienced.  I also cried because of the sacrifice God made for me. 

"God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.  This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."  Ephesians 1:5

"So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves.  Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, 'Abba, Father'."  Romans 8:15

Father, thank you for this beautiful reflective picture of your sacrifice for me... for me, Father.  I am your child- through great sacrifice- I am your child.  How can I not praise you?  How can I not worship you?  Let me not forget to treasure my life each day as it is a gift wrapped in selfless love.

When We Have a God-Sized Need

Have you ever had a need so great,... but.... you couldn't meet it?  How did you feel?.... Angry?... Frustrated?.... Heartbroken?....

What did you find solace in- your ability?  your confidence?  your family?  your money?  your food?  your children?  your degree?  your next drink?   some pills?

This morning each of my boys had a need that he could not meet.  Kendall needed a diaper change (Bad Momma, I know) and he laid on the floor with a diaper next to him, but couldn't change himself.  Carson wanted to watch a movie after completing his morning responsibilities and couldn't get the DVD player to work.  Caleb needed some of his medication, but we had run out and are preparing to go get it.  These needs are an inconvenience, but what about more devastating needs.....job loss, life threatening disease, loss of a spouse, loss of a child, or a divorce...

What do you do in the midst of those needs- where do you turn?  On January 5, 2009, Reagan called me to let me know that he had been laid off and I slowly felt all security fall out from under me.  How would we pay the bills?  How would we get Caleb's much needed (and very expensive) medication?  How will we survive?  That night, in the midst of deep, desperate tears I sang praise songs.  I didn't know what would happen the next day, week, month, but I did know my Lord would be there through it all.  I don't want you to think the journey was pretty- I cried countless desperate tears.  I got angry at God (whoa- what?), and I was crushed when doors closed.... and then, quietly, I would get up... and in a broken whisper, I would start to praise Him in songs, prayers, and testimony.  Each day, God made me stronger.

Reagan didn't get a job the next day, week, month.... it took four months- FOUR months.  At the end of that journey, we had not touched our savings account and God had provided for all our needs (needs- not necessarily wants).  We always had food to eat, and our bills were always met- God used other believers, odd jobs, and the like to do it, but we walked through the fire of that trial and came out changed-better-stronger.

Maybe you have a huge need right now and you are desperate for resolution.  Remember no matter how great the need, we have a greater God.  He will answer you and bring resolution, but it will be in His timing.  Reagan didn't get the first job he interviewed for, or the second, or the third... but, God taught us and grew us in ways that we couldn't have appreciated had the end come sooner.  I know the deep pain of longing and clinging to the hope within us with all your remaining strength.  Take heart- God will not fail you.  He will not make you wait one second longer than necessary.  The joy you will find when at the concluding moments of this trial will be indescribable!

" You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus."  Phillipians 4:19 MSG

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.  He who goes out weeping, carrying seeds to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him."  Psalms 126:5,6  NIV

"My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."   Psalm 73:26 NLT

My friend, cry if you need to cry...release the anger, hurt and disappointment and then rise and praise Him- if only a whisper- praise Him.  Victory is coming and He has great plans for you, lean on the only strength that can save you! 

A Lost Tooth!

Today is an exciting day in the Boles house... Carson lost his first tooth!

For several months, Carson had witnessed several of his friends losing teeth and had become concerned as to why he hadn't lost a tooth.  About 3 to 4 weeks ago, we realized that one of his front bottom teeth was finally becoming loose.  Since that time, he has wiggled that tooth trying to prompt it to evacuate it's current home.  Each week, I would say, "I think it will be out by next week."  However, it was one stubborn tooth!

Yesterday, Carson decided to have an apple with part of his lunch and when he took a bite, something "popped" and the tooth was suddenly very close coming out.  While initially Carson was extremely excited, the discomfort of that moment made him well aware that this could be a painful proposition and fear began to overtake him.  All afternoon yesterday, my precious boy was caught in turmoil, anxiety, and fear to the point of tears over how much it was going to hurt for this tooth to come out.  It broke my heart!  I could tell that the tooth was so ready to come out, and I felt like it wouldn't take much for it to come out.  Sadly, though, I couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't be painful.  The one thing I did know was that it wasn't as bad as Carson was visualizing it in his head.  I kept reassuring  him, cuddling him and comforting him as best as I could- it wasn't until we prayed about it (upon his request) that he calmed.  I kind of held a collective breath all evening waiting to see if the tooth fairy would make her first arrival at Carson's pillow, but alas.... no tooth.

This morning, Carson had been up a few minutes and was eating a muffin.  He was walking into my room and I asked him to come give me a quick hug when he reached into his mouth and pulled out the tooth.... He was so shocked.... He was so excited.   It came out totally on it's own with little to no discomfort!  We took a picture and celebrated this victory for Carson.  More than anything, I think he was just so relieved from all the worry and fear that had plagued him for the previous day.

Our human nature is like that- Satan attacks us with fears and we take it to the extreme, huh?  Fears like losing a spouse or a child, losing a job, being diagnosed with a terrible illness, and such can make sleepless nights and drive us to extreme behaviors.  The crazy part is that very few of us will ever face those situations, but Satan knows how to frighten us and get us distracted from the Father.  Truth is, if we are anxious, then we are not trusting and yielding to God- we are trying to be self sufficient and when we realize just how unprepared we are, we panic and give into the schemes of the evil one.  God knows we aren't prepared, capable, or equipped.... but HE is fully capable to meet all needs.  If our worst fear was realized, God would still be there.  He would still meet all needs whether emotional, physical, mental, financial, or spiritual.  At the end of that journey, we would fall at His feet and allow Him to heal us, restore us, and make us whole.  We will have troubles, but God will always be faithful to us when we seek after Him in the midst of the storm.  Just as I did my best to comfort Carson yesterday- God can bring comfort to any situation through the Holy Spirit if we will give Him our pain and hurt and lay our brokenness at His feet.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."      Romans 8:37-39

What are some of your fears?  What are you anxious about today?  Our God is our refuge and strength while in trouble and He never leaves your side. (Psalms 46:1) Don't listen to the cries of the evil one, but turn to the solid promises and truths of the Father!   Rejoice and live in the relief and peace of knowing that God is fully capable of meeting every need!