The Heart of the Issue

Being real, honest, and vulnerable is something that God has grown me into over the past several years.  There are some areas of my life that I will openly share without a second thought, but areas of deep, emotional sensitivity I do not share well.  I think God has a purpose in all this and I have learned to share only when I sense Him saying, "It's time."  Yesterday, became one of those moments for me.

For several months, I have been dealing with an issue with my heart- physical, not emotional.  I first had some concerns when I was pregnant with Carson and then Kendall.  I had many numerous episodes, while pregnant, of my heart racing to the point of nearly fainting.  I would feel so hot on the inside and yet cold and clammy to the touch.  I would feel so light-headed and things would start going dark, and I would just fall where I was in order to avoid fainting.  Afterward, I would need 1-2 hours to recover from the episodes as I just wouldn't feel normal for a period of time.  My doctor assured me that this is normal for some women while pregnant as your heart is trying to pump blood for two.  After having the boys, I didn't have issues.... until, February of this year. 

One morning I was enjoying my second cup of coffee when I felt pressure building in my chest which was uncomfortable, but not painful.  It built until I had to "catch" my breath.  While only lasting a matter of seconds, I knew something wasn't right.  I soon figured out that I was skipping heart beats and that the coffee was a factor.  So, in my attempt to "fix it" myself, I changed my coffee to half-caffeinated and limited my sodas.  This worked for a few weeks, but then at the end of April I began having the spells again.  Over the past six weeks, they have progressed quite a bit.  I do believe that caffeine is certainly a factor, but I have had episodes when my caffeine intake was very low.  I have also had some heart racing spells again and times where the pressure in my chest lasts longer than before. 

So, I went to my family practice doctor.  To be honest, making the call for the appointment was so hard for me- it was admitting to myself that something was wrong.  At my appointment, my doctor ran an EKG and the results were "slightly abnormal" and he decided it was best to refer me to a cardiologist.  Yesterday, I went to the cardiologist and he has scheduled an ECG and stress test in 2 weeks- which I am dreading!  I will also be wearing a heart monitor over the next month.  I am glad that both doctors are taking my concerns seriously and I still believe that the treatment may be as simple as a diet and lifestyle change or it may mean a medication.  I guess time will tell on that and I am okay either way- I just want to know what I am dealing with- having answers helps me process and proceed.

This is  what I do know..... I believe God wants me to share my journey in this life- the good, the bad and the ugly!  Not that I am special, but quite the contrary, because I am just like everyone reading this.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed, and sometimes I fail in my attitudes and actions- I rarely have it all together.  However, my God has never failed me and if my being honest, real, and vulnerable encourages someone else in their spiritual journey then I must share.  I appreciate your prayers, and I know God has a plan in all this to grow me closer to Him.  Plus, there may be some really funny stories out of all this- I wonder what the heart monitor will indicate when all my boys return!?!?

This is the scripture that God just keeps bringing back to me and maybe it is an encouragement to you too.
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13

No issue is too small or too great to bring to the feet of Christ.  Whatever you  might be battling right now- fatigue, financial, physical, emotional, and fears- He holds you close and has beautiful plans for you.... He will not fail you.... and that is the heart of the issue.

Slingshot in Hand

Superman, Batman, Spiderman.... all great examples of heroes for justice. Too bad they aren't real huh? Our world could use a hero right now.... death, illness, natural disasters, lay offs, pain....

Our church has started a new series based on the Max Lucado book, Outlive Your Life. The thought behind our lessons and sermons has been what if you could live your life in such a way that ripples of of your work would continue to change others long after you have passed away. This has really challenged me, personally, to think about my life. Am I living that way? Would there be an ongoing wave of change that would affect change for decades after my death? Hard questions, huh?

How about these questions:

Had you been a German Christian during World War II, would you have taken a stand against Hitler?

Had you lived during the Civil Rights movement in the South, would you have taken a stand against racism?

When your grandchildren discover that you lived in a day in which 3 billion people were desperately poor and 1 billion were hungry, how will they judge your response?

Hard questions. Maybe even harder answers.

In the security of my home or the comfort of my close Christian friends, it is easy to believe that I would have the courage of David to pick up the stones and slingshot.... that I would walk out to face the giant. However, in the reality of this world my hand trembles when the slingshot is in hand and I am fearful. Afraid. Overwhelmed.

Living a life that affects change beyond ourselves requires much.... much time, much energy, much sacrifice and much humbling. What it requires most is the Father and His gift to us, the Holy Spirit. Alone, we can't live beyond our flawed bodies and personalities, but in His hands we can become so much more. God reminded me of all the events I couldn't make it through.... I could never bear to have a child with a major health issue..... but I have. I could never make it through a lay off.... but we did. I could never go through a three year trial selling our first home... but we did. Not me, but Christ who is within me.

Lord, steady my hand when I hold Your slingshot in this world. Make me faithful to You Father and let me live in such a way that ripples will flow for generations. I want to be Your change, Father, and I ask you to relieve me of my fear and plant each of my steps on firm ground.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y

The Stink Has Left the Building.....

Yesterday, I began to notice an unpleasant scent in our home. At first, it was simply a whiff I would catch here and there, but it slowly grew to be more of an issue. I put on my "detective cap" and began to search and see what might be emitting such a foul odor. Unfortunately, in our home there are several areas where I can look for a distasteful scent..... I mean, it's no secret that I have 3 sons and that boys are not always the best when it comes to...um....cleanliness. Plus, I have a one year old that still uses diapers, but I could not find the culprit. First, I took out the trash, but the scent was still there. Then, I discovered an overly aged block of cheddar cheese in the refrigerator- which I had finally narrowed the trail down to. So, I disposed of the cheese but that wasn't it either! Ugh!! Then, I opened a container of some previously yummy, cooked pinto beans..... but, however, they were no longer yummy.... honestly, they were downright offensive!

You are probably wondering why I would share this with you all..... I mean, what kind of person shares that kind of refrigerator secrets?

Crazy as this may sound, the Lord really used that experience today to show me something about my own life. See, right now my life is full of hecticness.... (is that a word???) I am constantly working on something for the house, cleaning the house, working on church stuff, preparing home school materials, or preparing for the class I teach at our home school co-op. The problem is that sometimes this life of busy-ness starts to get a little "stinky". It's just that when we get so busy with life and all of its issues, we often struggle with finding the time to stop and be still before our Lord. Our schedule gets so full that we can't hardly find where the stink is coming from and what it is that we need to get rid of...... just like my stinky refrigerator today. I looked and had to figure out what needed to go..... it's not that the cheese or the beans started bad- on the contrary they were both good and satisfying at first. However, over time, they became less appealing and satisfying- actually, they became downright disgusting.

I realized that it may be time for me to do some scent checking in my own life and really determine what needs to stay and what needs to go in my world. I have come to see that, too often, my self value is often equated by how busy and productive I am..... this is WRONG!!! My value does not lie in what I accomplish each day on my "to do" list..... it is in CHRIST and Him alone. Did I spend time with Him today? Did I learn more of Him today? I actually think the evil one uses our busy-ness to keep us from being all that we can be in Christ....

So, is there an odor in your house today?

So, what have I been doing????

Well, I have had a secret for the past two months..... okay, it hasn't been a closely guarded secret by any means, but I still hadn't been advertising it either. However, on Saturday I hit my two month mark of trying to lose some weight after having Kendall and I have lost 17.8 pounds. YAY!!

Losing weight for me is always challenging and I have had to do it after each baby, but I have learned some things that have helped me and I thought I would share. This is just what has worked for me and may not work for everyone.

What Has Worked for Me:

I have been keeping my calories to 1000-1300 per day and have been drinking around 70-80 ounces of water a day. (I don't really enjoy water as much, but I add a little Propel water flavoring to it and that helps.)

I have also been keeping a journal or log of my calories, water intake and workouts each day. This helps me stay accountable to myself as well as making me actually see how much I have eaten at each meal and so forth. (All I include is the date, water tally, Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Snack Calories)

I try to workout 3-4 times a week for at least 30 minutes.

I keep gum on hand and chew it at different times during the day- especially when I have finished a meal and feel full, but still want the sensation of chewing something or if I am craving something sweet.

Several snacks / meals through the day have been key for me as it speeds up my metabolism and keeps me from getting "too hungry" and eating everything in sight.

Accountability partner(s) has also been essential as they keep me on track and can encourage me on the hard days. Charity Munn and both of my mothers have been that for me this time.

I have a "Blow Day" one day a week. On this day, I allow myself to eat whatever I want.... I try to keep my portions reasonable, but I also do not keep track of my calories on this day. Typically, this is Sundays for me as we often eat out on this day.

When we go out to eat, I often try to decide what I am going to order before getting to the restaurant. I will look up online what is a better option for me and try to stick with it. It is easier for me to eat healthy if I have decided in advance what I am going to eat.

I try to weigh twice a week so that I can see how things are going, but without becoming too obsessive about it.

Finally, I have an end "goal" in mind as well as a reward. I even keep a sheet that I color off a section when I have lost a certain number of pounds. ( This may sound silly, but I get excited when I get to color another section!) Plus, when I reach my goal, Reagan has promised to take me on a shopping weekend for new clothes!!!

Now, all of you can help keep me accountable as well- I still have several pounds to go in order to reach my goal. I hope my journey helps encourage you as well.

My Kind of "Hunting"

You can call me a bargain hunter, deal finder or frugal,

but the truth is...... I am cheap! That's right, cheap.

I love the search for a good deal and I feel so victorious when I find exactly what I wanted, but at a great price. Part of my habit stems from necessity. As a stay at home mother, we often need to watch our budget and be wise with our purchases. So, I often research whatever I am looking to purchase extensively online trying to find the best deal possible. Now, however, it has become an addiction- I mean why would anyone WANT to pay more than necessary????

Honestly, I think it is like Reagan's love of hunting. I "hunt" the good deals and when I find them, I want to share it with the world- I haven't displayed my receipts on the living room wall next to Reagan's deer mount, but my hunting is just as valuable!

Recently, I needed to make a quick run to our local Walmart to pick up a few items. When I walked out of the store I had spent $18.94, BUT I had purchased: a pair of jeans for Carson, a pair of jeans for Caleb, a shirt, 24 pack of Dr. Peppers, aspirin, and hair coloring (Did you notice my new darker shade, hmm?). All for only $18.94!!!!

Victory was mine!!!

Okay, so I am addicted! At least my "hunting" is saving us money.....

yep, I am cheap, but there are worse things!