Being real, honest, and vulnerable is something that God has grown me into over the past several years. There are some areas of my life that I will openly share without a second thought, but areas of deep, emotional sensitivity I do not share well. I think God has a purpose in all this and I have learned to share only when I sense Him saying, "It's time." Yesterday, became one of those moments for me.
For several months, I have been dealing with an issue with my heart- physical, not emotional. I first had some concerns when I was pregnant with Carson and then Kendall. I had many numerous episodes, while pregnant, of my heart racing to the point of nearly fainting. I would feel so hot on the inside and yet cold and clammy to the touch. I would feel so light-headed and things would start going dark, and I would just fall where I was in order to avoid fainting. Afterward, I would need 1-2 hours to recover from the episodes as I just wouldn't feel normal for a period of time. My doctor assured me that this is normal for some women while pregnant as your heart is trying to pump blood for two. After having the boys, I didn't have issues.... until, February of this year.
One morning I was enjoying my second cup of coffee when I felt pressure building in my chest which was uncomfortable, but not painful. It built until I had to "catch" my breath. While only lasting a matter of seconds, I knew something wasn't right. I soon figured out that I was skipping heart beats and that the coffee was a factor. So, in my attempt to "fix it" myself, I changed my coffee to half-caffeinated and limited my sodas. This worked for a few weeks, but then at the end of April I began having the spells again. Over the past six weeks, they have progressed quite a bit. I do believe that caffeine is certainly a factor, but I have had episodes when my caffeine intake was very low. I have also had some heart racing spells again and times where the pressure in my chest lasts longer than before.
So, I went to my family practice doctor. To be honest, making the call for the appointment was so hard for me- it was admitting to myself that something was wrong. At my appointment, my doctor ran an EKG and the results were "slightly abnormal" and he decided it was best to refer me to a cardiologist. Yesterday, I went to the cardiologist and he has scheduled an ECG and stress test in 2 weeks- which I am dreading! I will also be wearing a heart monitor over the next month. I am glad that both doctors are taking my concerns seriously and I still believe that the treatment may be as simple as a diet and lifestyle change or it may mean a medication. I guess time will tell on that and I am okay either way- I just want to know what I am dealing with- having answers helps me process and proceed.
This is what I do know..... I believe God wants me to share my journey in this life- the good, the bad and the ugly! Not that I am special, but quite the contrary, because I am just like everyone reading this. Sometimes I am overwhelmed, and sometimes I fail in my attitudes and actions- I rarely have it all together. However, my God has never failed me and if my being honest, real, and vulnerable encourages someone else in their spiritual journey then I must share. I appreciate your prayers, and I know God has a plan in all this to grow me closer to Him. Plus, there may be some really funny stories out of all this- I wonder what the heart monitor will indicate when all my boys return!?!?
This is the scripture that God just keeps bringing back to me and maybe it is an encouragement to you too.
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
No issue is too small or too great to bring to the feet of Christ. Whatever you might be battling right now- fatigue, financial, physical, emotional, and fears- He holds you close and has beautiful plans for you.... He will not fail you.... and that is the heart of the issue.
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