A Good Report!

This morning, Caleb had a neurologist appointment to discuss his progress.  I anticipated that he would have to do blood work and then we would make plans to follow up in six months.  At that point, we were hoping to begin the process of weaning him off his medication.  To our surprise, Caleb's neurologist is willing to begin the process sooner!  Yay!!  We have an EEG scheduled at the end of May and depending upon the results we will proceed with slowly weaning him off his medication.  Even if the EEG is abnormal, he is willing to let us give it a try since Caleb has gone almost two years without a seizure.

The Positives:

Caleb would finally be able to live a life without worrying about his medication.  It is has been so long since we have lived a life without medication..... making sure we always have it on hand, checking that he has taken it, double checking that he has taken it and factoring it all into our budget.  At one time, Caleb was taking 48+ pills per week.  Life without medication.... wow- just wow.

The Negatives:

Caleb was so excited at first, but the realization that reducing and weaning him off all this medication could very well backfire and throw him back into  a seizure (or seizures) until we could get it controlled again.  So, while he wants to try, he is nervous.  Plus, he doesn't remember a life without having to take all this medicine and he is a little nervous- there is security in his taking it.  During the time of weaning, we will certainly be on alert and making sure that anyone responsible for his care is aware, as the risk may be high for his seizures to return.  It will be hard for me to let him get too far away for fear of one happening and being prepared to deal with that.

Please Pray!

Please pray for us that we will have peace as we proceed and that God will protect Caleb.

Thank you for the love you have expressed to us and all the support you have given.  I have a feeling these next few weeks may be a little tedious for us and your continued support in prayer will be so appreciated!

Press On

Yesterday, I upset one of our sons because he wanted to do something that I did not feel was best for him.  Does that sound familiar?  I think most parents can identify with that!  As I responded to his hurt feelings, I found myself saying something and even as the words were leaving my mouth, I knew it was the Holy Spirit at work.  I said, "You equate my love for you if I do what you want, but because I love you, I do what I think is best for you- and that is not always what you want."   The weight of those words struck me to the core.  Do I respond the same way to the Father?

How many times have I questioned, become angry, or festered in hurt of all the "what-ifs" in my world?  What if that had happened or what if that had not happened?  Why did God allow this?  In brutal honesty, I have done this over and over...  I do not think I am alone in that.  God's love for me is so great and His ways are so much higher than mine, but in my longing to control or have my way in an issue, I pout.  I question.  Often, later, I reflect back on those challenging times and realize how it was for my benefit- my growth.

This morning, I read this statement and felt so convicted and humbled..... "Be careful not to complain about anything, even the weather, since I am the Author of your circumstances.  The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them.  This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situation, so that good emerges from it."  Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

Wow.... God wants us to keep pressing on to the goal- a well lived life for His glory.  Hard circumstances become spiritual "markers" that grow our faith and trust in Him.  He does not fail us.  He grows us.  We can not equate His love for us by His doing what we want!  He cannot be God if He is controlled by our whims and wishes.  He is God and He must be free to work in our lives to shape and mold us into His-purposed reflection.

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it. Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I've warned you of them many times; sadly, I'm having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ's Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites. But there's far more to life for us. We're citizens of high heaven! We're waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He'll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him." (Philippians 3:12-21 MSG)

Father, help "clear my blurred vision" so I may press on to you.  I want to live a life filled with Your purpose so that I may better reflect You.  Thank you for the hurts, disappointments, and challenges that come into my life as I know they are but temporary- my real home awaits!  Mold me, Father, shape me.  "I am off and running and I'm not turning back."

Blessings!

The "Keep"

As I shared yesterday, we had a crazy weekend with Kendall, but God reminded me of some of His eternal truths.  One of the things I realized about myself is that I tend to set my study of His word aside when my schedule varies from the normal.  Ouch! Truth it is, my friend.

On Friday, we had to get up earlier than normal and as most of you know, I am not a natural morning person.  Plus, things did not go as originally planned as Kendall was already up and had been in bed with my parents.  Needless to say, my time of Bible study did not happen then.  With the surgery and care of him following the surgery, I did not stop to go to the throne of His grace.  Saturday passed.  Sunday passed- both with abundance of free time in which I could go and fill my spiritual cup.  By Monday, I was empty- empty of energy, empty of emotions, and empty of strength.  I needed Him. 

My friend, we are not meant to go about life without drawing on all that He is and offers to us.  The more I study and go to Him in prayer, the more I desperately need it in my life.  It is a longing that I pray never fills.  We convince ourselves that we are too busy or that we will get to it later, but the evil one lies to us.  He convinces us that busyness indicates productivity, but in spiritual things, silence with the Father produces more in our lives than our long "To Do" list could ever could.  We are created to spend time with Him.  We are meant to draw all that we need for any given day through His wellspring of blessings.

I felt so convicted.  What a sweet "refilling" I had with my precious Savior.  HE is my source of all.  Today, I do not know your exact need, but I know that all you truly need can be found in Him.  Draw on His strength!  Are you having a regular time of worship and study with Him?  If not, what can you do to make it happen?  Give the Father a short worship offering of your time and see what He does with it- I am sure He will bless you far beyond measure. 

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7, 8 NLT)

My friend, our roots need to "reach deep into the water" of Him each day so we can stay spiritually green and producing fruit.  We need that daily drink from Him.  I also read this precious description today, "In all the old castles of England, there was a place called the keep.  It was always the strongest and best protected place in the castle, and in it were hidden all who were weak and helpless and unable to defend themselves in times of danger.  Shall we be afraid to hide ourselves in the keeping power of our Divine Keeper, who neither slumbers nor sleeps, and who has promised to preserve our going out and our coming in, from this time forth and even forever more?" Hannah Whitall Smith

Oh, how I need to hide myself in the keeping power of our Divine Keeper- each day- so I can be prepared to face all that my days offer.  He is our keep, our shelter, in all times.... we just have to go to Him.

Blessings!

Kendall Update

Thank you all for your prayers and concern for Kendall this weekend as he had minor surgery on Friday.  He has been so sick lately and our doctor as well as ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat) doctor determined that it was best to have his adenoids removed and have tubes put in his ears.  Several years ago Carson had to have tubes put in and we were not unfamiliar with the process.  My parents came up to stay with the older boys and I spent most of Thursday preparing for the next day- I even made breakfast and lunch ahead as well as planning lessons for the boys to do while we were at the surgery clinic.  They were SO happy that I went to that extra effort to make sure school stayed on track-- NOT!

Anyway, Friday morning broke early for us as we did final breathing treatments and prepared to go.  We arrived at the clinic for surgery and completed another 10 pages of paperwork even though I had answered a ton of questions on the phone earlier in the week.  Meanwhile Kendall, who had been relatively calm, began to panic.  Thankfully, the receptionist switched the television to "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and immediately he went and sat to watch it.  He was on a second episode when the nurse came to take us back to prepare for the surgery, and when I said, "Come on Kendall.  They are ready for us."  He just looked at us and said, "One minute Mommy."  Sorry, buddy, but that won't work this morning!

As we walked back in the surgical prep rooms, I felt his grip get tighter on me.  Then, as we began to change him into a cute tiger decorated hospital gown, he went into full panic.  The nurse kept talking with him as she gave him an oral dose of medication to help him relax and calm down.  We just held him and calmed him until the medicine started to work.  Then, he looked directly at me and said, "What your name?"  I laughed as I stated, "My name is Mommy."  He then started asking where Daddy was- over and over and looking at his hand floating up in the air.  We couldn't help but chuckle at how relaxed he had become.  I almost wished that they had some of that magic medicine for me!

Then, they rolled him back and we went to wait for all to be done.  About 30 minutes later we heard that the surgery had gone well and once he was awake they would come get us.  We waited another 30 minutes and then went back to see him struggling to open his eyes as he began to cry and moan.  The nurse had me cuddle with him in the bed as he woke up.  Preparations began for us take him home when she realized that one eye was dilated while the other was not dilated.  So, we ended up having to stay a little longer for him to rest and make sure he was okay.  He enjoyed a Popsicle and an entire sippy cup of juice.  As we left, he even got a Popsicle for the road. 

We arrived home and had quite a time keeping him still and quiet- which were our instructions.  He was to keep his heart rate down stay quiet for 3 days and no heavy active play for 7.  I thought that would be pretty easy for the first day-- just a lot of movies, games, Lego's, and such.  Well, I was wrong!  The pain medicine he was given as well as what I gave him a dose of sometime after we arrived home sent him into a hyper storm!  He was running everywhere and diving off couches.  I did all I could do to keep him still, but felt like I failed miserably-- to make matters worse, my parents and Reagan had both left when it hit with full force.  Thankfully, the effects of the medicine wore off within a short time and we determined (after talking to the doctor) that he did NOT need that medicine again.

The next two days went relatively well- until late Sunday night when his fever went up to 101*F.  We had been told that if it went to 102* to call the doctor.  Such a fever, after surgery, could be bad.  We kept him on Tylenol and watched him closely overnight.  On Monday, I called the doctor and waited to hear back when his fever went high again and his breathing started to change- it was becoming real raspy.  For a child with asthma, this is not good and I began breathing treatments and switched to Motrin for the fever.  Thankfully, our doctor's nurse was so helpful and kept touching base with us.  By last night, he was much better- as the fever had gone down and breathing was much better.  Plus, we kept on top of his fluid intake as we fear that he started to get dehydrated which caused the fever to spike.  A sweet, dear friend texted me and brought dinner over for our family.  It blessed my heart because mentally, I was exhausted by that point.  The thought of putting together dinner seemed overwhelming.... you never know how such a small gesture can bless someone until you are that someone.

Today, I hope to re-discover a "normal" day and try to get back on track with things.  God really spoke to me regarding some of all this, but I think that will have to wait until another post.... Please continue praying for K-man as he continues to recover. Much love and hugs!

Randomness

I hope you can give me a little grace today as I vary from my usual post.  Instead, today, I thought I would just share some "randomness" from my world.... Indulge me?

Kendall has felt his entire three years this morning as he has thrown several fits (and books and pencils), attempted to lasso anything he can find, and has eaten us out of food.... well, not completely! :)  The boy has eaten two bowls of cereal, yogurt, a banana, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as well as a ham and cheese sandwich (both were whole sandwiches) and cheese puffs..... I keep watching to see if he is going to explode!

Carson had to get a haircut this morning because his grandparents are coming tonight and he didn't want them to think he was a girl.... yeah, don't think that mistake will ever happen!  He is styled in a manly haircut that is "spikey" as he calls it.

Caleb has hit the stage where he really likes one shirt and has to wear it every day.... every... single....day.  Okay, well maybe not EVERY day, but almost.

Homeschooling this week has been more of a challenge as burn-out has hit and we are trying to get past all of Kendall's illnesses and having missed some days because of that.  I just keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time and trust for God's grace, wisdom and faithfulness to carry us through. 

Kendall watched us on Monday night as Reagan led us in a family communion together.  Since then, he keeps calling the grape juice "blood".... I felt like I should explain if you saw us in person and he mentioned it!

On a serious note, please lift us all up to the Father tomorrow, but especially Kendall as he will be having surgery to have tubes put in his ears and is having his adenoids removed.  It will be a simple procedure, but my mother's heart still hates it for him.  This may also limit my time to blog in the next few days.... sorry!

I also would appreciate your prayers as God has been really working with Reagan and I regarding His plan and purpose for this blog... and how that affects our family.  I just long to be in the center of His will and purpose for my life..... can you relate?  Please just pray that we will have wisdom and faith!

Finally, I greatly appreciate the comments, "shares" and followers of our blog.... it is such a blessing to hear how this journey together has blessed you.  You have blessed me.  Thank you for reading!

Blessings....

Perfection

Last night, Reagan and I held our breath as we watched one of our Texas Rangers come ever-so-close to perfection.  Yu Darvish pitched 8 2/3 innings of absolute perfection- 26 batters had come to the plate and all had been sent back to the bench without reaching first base.  Then, came the 27th batter.  One more out and Darvish would land in the history books reaching the "Holy Grail" of baseball.... the perfect game.  With one crack of the bat, the baseball bounced along right between his legs and he had to watch the ball, a perfect game, and a no-hitter all bounce into the outfield.  Gone.... just like that.

Perfection is hard to achieve in sports, but even more so in life.  Let's be honest- it is impossible to achieve.  We are sinful creatures- only one came to Earth who was perfect and left without sinning.  Jesus was the perfect lamb who died for our sins.  The rest of us.... well, we fall short! 

Yet, through a heart-changing relationship with our Savior, we can catch glimpses of His perfection within ourselves.  Rare moments when, in His strength, knowledge and love, we are able to do things beyond ourselves.  Have you been there?  Maybe it is speaking and sharing the gospel with someone you just met or held the hand of a desperately hurting friend.  Perhaps you stood up for righteousness or continued to honor the Father in the midst of deep personal agony.... the list could go on.  God enables us to see brief moments of perfection in our lives to know that He is real and active in our imperfect existence.

Recently, I came up to Caleb and saw by the look on his face that something was wrong- very wrong.  He was upset and through a short conversation I found out that a friend had pressured Caleb to do something that he wasn't suppose to do.  Caleb began to walk away and heard the friend call him a "chicken" for not caving in to the pressure.  It hurt his feelings, but he still walked away.  Perfection.... just a glimpse, but God was at work.  Caleb desperately longs to fit in and please his peers.   For him to have the strength to do what was right- when he wanted to please his friend- was a moment of God's enabling. 

Last night I had to carry out a punishment for Carson.  I finished the discipline and asked him if that would change his response next time, and he honestly answered, "No."  I asked again- thinking maybe he just didn't understand, "Do you think you need another discipline to remember not to do it again?"  "Yes," he responded.  Now, this was spoken in humble honesty- just raw and sincere truth.  Perfection.... just a glimpse, but only God can deliver that kind of response.

I read this quote today.... "Let us never suppose that obedience is impossible or that holiness is meant only for a select few.  Our Shepherd leads us in the paths of righteousness- not for our name's sake but for His."  Elisabeth Elliot

When we see these rare glimpses of perfection, it is never for us- but for the glory of the Savior, our enabler.  It is to draw others to His saving grace.  It is for revealing Himself more intimately to us and stir a deeper longing for our home that awaits.  It is our God-designed purpose lived out.

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!" (Ephesians 3:20, 21 MSG)

Lord, thank you for the brief glimpses of Your perfection in our lives!  May those moments give us hope, grow our faith, and stamp Your reflection in our daily existence.  We know that it is for Your glory, and for that of Your Son- our Messiah- help us to live out Your purpose for us.  Work in us Father!   We long to see those perfectly designed moments lived out in our lives and know- desperately so- that it was You.

Blessings....

"Born Crucified"

 

 

"Jesus was born crucified.  Whenever he became conscious of who he was, he also became conscious of what he had to do.  The cross-shaped shadow could always be seen.  And the screams of hell's imprisoned could always be heard...So call it what you wish: An act of grace.  A plan of redemption.  A martyr's sacrifice.  But whatever you call it, don't call it an accident.  It was anything but that."  Max Lucado

 

As I watched scenes from a movie portraying the life, beatings, crucifixion and burial of Jesus Christ, tears began to pour forth from deep within.  They would not- no, could not stop.  No words were adequate for the mix of emotions that I was experiencing.... it was painful and beautiful all at the same time.  My Savior beaten and killed as an innocent lamb for my sake was too much for my feeble heart to stand.  In those same moments, I felt such deep love for a Savior that would give of Himself- complete and whole- for someone like me, a frail sinner.  The tears rained as a spring thunderstorm and my thunder tore at my soul. 

 

Then, came the dawn of Sunday morning.... the victory of a Savior that lives!  A Savior that meets all needs because His redemption is a complete one.  Failures become victories, weak ones become strong, ordinary becomes extraordinary and death becomes life.  My friend, we have unlimited potential living a life as part of the redeemed of Christ- can you fathom all that He has for you?

 

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus.  Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out eternity.  Yes....Receive and experience the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, deep, deep within yourselves." Philippians 4: 19-20, 23 MSG

 

"God will help us become the people we are meant to be, if only we will ask Him."

Hannah Whitall Smith

 

 Last night, we sat down as a family and Reagan led us in taking communion together- our way, as a family, to remember that we are part of the living redeemed.  It was a sacrifice, of the purest form, that bought our freedom and we must remember.  It was also a way of living out an empty tomb- we must live out the faith and freedom that we have been given!  It was so humbling the response of our boys to this time together.  Oh Father, please fan the flames within their souls for you- may it not be quenched!  Allow their thirst for You be a life-long need.....  That is my prayer as well, Father. 

 

How about you?  If there is air in your lungs, God is NOT finished with you.  He has much left for you dear friend and think of the impact you could have if we truly lived out the victory of the empty tomb!