Over the past few weeks, the ladies of our small group have been doing the Bible study of Esther written by Beth Moore. God has such a wonderful sense of humor as He made it very clear that we were to do the study by placing Esther in my lap several days in a row through my quiet times and other sources. Sometimes we make searching for God's will too hard - when we are desparately seeking after Him, He will make our steps clear. In this case, it had almost become humorous!
So, this morning I was reviewing our lessons for the week and uncharacteristicly had the television on. A show was on where women go to a particular store shopping for a wedding dress. One of the featured ladies referred to herself as "Queen Esther" and she was shopping for her wedding dress. I just had to laugh because we were studying Esther chapter 2 where Esther was chosen to be queen.... I had to imagine what the original Queen Esther thought when preparing for her wedding! I think most of us, as women, have our own inner "Queen Esther" that longs for the romance of being chosen by a king. To feel chosen, special, beautiful, honored... especially when we feel submerged in commonness. Everyday normality leaves us thirsting after a little chosen royality in our life. I am so thankful that God has chosen me and that I am so special to Him that He crucified His son for me. He sees me as beautiful and honored as His precious sacrifice-bought child. He fulfills that longing in our lives when "normal" just isn't enough.
God has blessed and challenged me as I have reflected on Esther. She did not have the perfect background- she was an orphan and a Jew. This means she had suffered great loss and heartache. I think surviving that made her strong- stronger than most. Have you ever been through such severe loss that you realized very little could hurt you more? In a sense, it makes you stronger. She was also a Jew living in a pagan world- Persia was not her homeland- I have to wonder if she thought, "What am I doing here?". I can relate. Sometimes, when I struggle in this world as a believer of Christ I wonder the same thing. She chose to keep these two facts a secret- I have a feeling that most of us have a issues in our past that we would rather forget. Esther, however, eventually was placed in a situation where these two facts were brought into the open because more was at stake than her reputation. I love this Beth Moore quote, "You can never amputate your past from your future." No matter what our past holds, it affects who we are in our future- often our future develops as a result of our past- sometimes those hard moments we would rather not experience become the defining moments in our life.
Esther was beautiful on the outside, but even more beautiful on the inside. She won many people over by her love and character that lasted far and beyond her beauty. She was strong and confident and willing to seek after the advice and wisdom of respected others. That is a distinct quality in our world- the willingness to be cooperative, seek after wisdom and be teachable. She was a lady whose words and actions reflected love and respect for those around her. I think she would have been one of those friends that you always loved visiting with and admiring her- but for so much more than the designer jeans she was wearing. She would be a friend that you never questioned her heart or thoughts towards you- she was genuine.
As I reflected on just the first two chapters of Esther, I have come to realize that she is someone who can teach me a lot about the kind of woman I want to be and the influence I hope to have. I am looking forward to continuing this study, and continuing to bring out the inner "Queen Esther" in me!
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