What is my portion?

To be honest- almost painfully so- I have sat here for several minutes waiting for the words to come.  Often, as I sit ready to share with you the words just seem to pour forth from a heart over brimming with all that God has taught and shared with me that day.  Today, I confess, that has not been the case.  I sit in the deafening silence of my room struggling within to express what it seems only the heart truly can understand.  This morning I have just needed to hear that my God is still God- that His words and promises are true and that His faithfulness is everlasting.  Have you ever been there?

There is nothing life shattering taking place in my world- I have a wonderful, loving husband and three good kids- not perfect, but good.  Our needs are met, and we have a little extra each month to enjoy freely, but I just need the reassurance that in the midst of living that God is my life and my portion.  I read a few days ago a devotion by Max Lucado where he talked with a man who had nothing- absolute nothing- but God in his life.  God was all he had and all he really needed.   The unnamed man said, "I have my faith.  It's all I have.  But it's all I need.  I have kept the faith." (When God Whispers Your Name)  In another reading the scripture from Lamentations 3: 22-24 drew my attention.... "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him".

These words have blessed and challenged me all at the same time..... what is my portion?  Have I kept the faith beyond all the things this world would offer and tempt me with?  Reagan and I felt God's leading several years ago for me to stay at home and homeschool our children.  While this is not a calling for everyone, it was the calling He put on our heart for our children.  Sometimes I struggle as I look at all the experiences and extras that other families lavish on their children and I become clouded in doubt and tempted to question the sacrifices we have made.  Have we given them enough?  We could have a larger house and travel more.... and my mind drifts to all the things I seem to "lack" in our current state.

Then God pursues me with this question, "Am I your portion?  Will you keep the faith?"  At the end of my life, when all the temporary has passed away- what will be left?  What jewels will be left after the the ashes have cleared?  I want it to be said that I kept the faith and that God was my portion.  I desire for God to grow and swell in me a desire for Him- that my heart couldn't help but long for the things of Him.  He in me is what will last beyond my days- if I can only pass on one thing to my children, let it be my faith!  Let it be my passionate love for the Savior.  Let my eyes and heart see and distinguish what is temporary from what will last beyond time. God, stir this longing and desire in me!  Let God be my portion and my cup- let that be my fulfillment in a world that would have me thirst for more of the temporary.

Psalm 16 speaks so directly to this and I encourage you to read the Psalm in its entirety, but let me share a few verses from it:
" The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.  The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."  Psalm 16:5-6  ESV

" You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11  ESV

I do have a beautiful inheritance that will last beyond time and will not pass away.  Let me realize that in my portion, there is life and joy!  God, thank you for the reminder to focus on You and not all the things I am tempted to long for- they are but inadequate attempts by the evil one to lure me away from my true inheritance which is only found in You.

I hope you enjoy this song by Fee- it blessed me so much this morning!