Caleb's Heart

I am a mess of hot stinging tears that just won't stop.  Just moments ago, I overheard a conversation taking place in a room near to mine.  My oldest son was talking with his younger brothers, and what I heard was, "This life is not my life. It is Jesus using me. This cross represents my life through Jesus. My life is Jesus living in me. I would be nothing without the cross."

I had to call him into the room to make sure I heard it all again- in his words- his heart so open and vulnerable.  In our life, filled to the brim with hot wheels, wrestling, and dart guns, I start to question all the countless decisions we have made as parents.  Is this enough?  Did we do the right thing?  Have we really taught them enough?  The evil one longs to taunt us with our insecurities and threaten us with the unknown future.  I fall prey to it often..... but, today, in those brief moments, all was right in the world.  He gets it.... He has fallen in love with his Savior and I am in awe of it all.  When did he grow into manhood right before my eyes?

This same child- nay, young man- who in just days will meet 13 years of life.  He, who has driven me to my knees more than once due to antics and trials, has also shown me a glimpse of the godly, warrior heart within.  The same young man who argues and fights often with his younger brothers and will torture them to no end, still loves enough to impart His life source- the Savior- to them.   He is an ever growing storm within, but when all is said and done, in the core of his being, the Savior is it.  Life- so entwined with Jesus that Caleb can't see himself without His Savior.  That is all I could want as a parent.  The other pieces of his life will fall into place in time, but all that he really needs to be successful, he has already found. 

Let the tears fall, heavy and fast, for my heart is full to overflowing and I rejoice in it all!  My Savior, is my son's Savior and that is life.

"Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s! The Lord gives righteousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly. He revealed his character to Moses and his deeds to the people of Israel. The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone— as though we had never been here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children’s children of those who are faithful to his covenant, of those who obey his commandments! The Lord has made the heavens his throne; from there he rules over everything. Praise the Lord, you angels, you mighty ones who carry out his plans, listening for each of his commands. Yes, praise the Lord, you armies of angels who serve him and do his will! Praise the Lord, everything he has created, everything in all his kingdom. Let all that I am praise the Lord." (Psalms 103:1-22 NLT)