Taking Steps into Manhood

As a mother, one of the moments in my child's life that I really did not want to miss was when they took their first steps.  There is just something about seeing them build up enough courage- despite possibly falling to try and take those first steps to the waiting arms of security.  I wanted to witness those moments for myself.  To savor them knowing that the whole world had changed in those brief seconds... they were mobile!

I had a similar experience, as a mother, this weekend with Caleb, our 12 year old.  I have long seen that God has gifted Caleb as a teacher who is not afraid to share his faith with others.  It comes naturally to him.  Do not think that he has a halo under his sweat-stained Texas Tech cap- he is a regular boy that is disciplined and corrected by us often.  I have just seen that God has gifted him by the way Caleb expresses his faith and have often wondered what God has in store for him.  So, this first mission trip has been the "first steps" of his faith becoming his own- not something that we, as his parents, had for him.  Caleb, in a sense is taking ownership of his faith realizing that it is his faith not the faith of his parents.  My mother's heart has wanted to be a fly on the wall of this experience for him... to watch and witness it- can you relate?

On Sunday, as parents we were invited to two services that they were having for the LIT missionaries.  In the morning, was just a worship service for the host church and the evening was a commissioning service.  A commissioning service is a time when a group is prayed for and encouraged as they leave to go into the area of service that God has called them to do.  Due to commitments and issues that needed tending to at church, we made the decision to try and go that evening for the commissioning service.  I was so excited that evening to be a part of that experience for Caleb.  That evening, Kendall - who had not been feeling well- began to fuss and was unusually unhappy.  I ended up in the hallways of the church walking him and trying to comfort him.  Later, I was sad to have been there and yet not right beside Caleb for that service. 

Caleb sharing his faith on the mission trip.  (Thanks to Derek Peters for the photo.)

Later, as I reflected on this and God just really spoke to my heart that I wasn't suppose to be right there beside Caleb..... what?  Why, God?  My mother's heart wanted that moment.  God helped me to see it wasn't a moment for me.  Caleb and I are close- we find it easy to talk and share.  I can easily relate to him and he easily relates to me.  He, however, is growing into manhood.  He needs to draw closer to his father and it was his father that needed to be sitting beside him on Sunday.  Caleb, as he took those first steps of his faith, needed to see his father encouraging and supporting him.  This is by God's design- it is not that my role as his mother isn't important- heavens no!  It is just that as Caleb takes some of these steps leading into manhood, he needs his father there to teach him how to be a man of courage who loves the Lord.  I cannot teach him something that I am not.  We will always be close, but many and numerous are the moments ahead in his future that are not designed for my influence, but that of his father.  I suspect that the same is true for mothers training their daughters in the ways of godly womanhood. 

"For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just..."  Genesis 18:19 NIV

Rather than have regret or sadness over missing part of that service, I feel peace.  That was not a moment for me- my moment was comforting the precious third son God has given me.  Cherishing it, soaking in those fleeting seconds as he grows and needs me less and less.  As a mother of sons, I am realizing that raising  sons is an ongoing lesson in letting go- it is not that our relationship won't be loving and important- but as men, they will seek after their earthly father and their heavenly Father more, as it should be.  Men need men as they grow and learn.  I pray that God brings them a godly woman to fill the role I have had in their life as their caretaker and friend.  It is not an easy process, but a noble one.  There is no greater love than giving the subject of your love the freedom to choose their path.   Just look at the love the Father as showered on us- sacrificing all for us (in His Son) and yet loving us enough to give us the choice of whom we will serve. 

Just like when Caleb stood for the first time, and took those first feeble steps into mobility.... Caleb is taking those first few steps into godly manhood.  It is beautiful and painful all at the same time.   His whole world is changing... and I wouldn't have it any other way.